help

[nikki63]

i care for my dad who lives with me and my partner.my dad has no hobbies or interests and sits watching tv all day.we try to take him out but he doesn't want to go quite often.he has never been a social person.he has recently started getting aggressive when i am going to work if i dont take him with me.I am at a loss as to what i can do.I cant always take him to work and we have no support at all at home because dad refuses everything.I get upset because he doesn't have any real quality of life and i am the only person he has. any advice would be welcome.

 

[Princess t]

i care for my dad who lives with me and my partner.my dad has no hobbies or interests and sits watching tv all day.we try to take him out but he doesn't want to go quite often.he has never been a social person.he has recently started getting aggressive when i am going to work if i dont take him with me.I am at a loss as to what i can do.I cant always take him to work and we have no support at all at home because dad refuses everything.I get upset because he doesn't have any real quality of life and i am the only person he has. any advice would be welcome.

My moms the same, but she does live alone, she just sits there, she has stopped changing Chanel on tv just has itv on. We do now have four care visits a day. She really doesn't want them but she was persuaded. She's stopped going out has no hobbies and no interests. We have tried everything , some days she talks to carers some times not. It's very hard.

 

[Bod]

Time to look for what's available, out there that suits your needs.
Then a firm word with father. "You as his carer need help from him to look after him properly. That does mean him going to Day Centre/Lunch clubs. Because if he doesn't help, he will be going into a Home."

It's a stark choice, he won't agree, they never do!
But it's like the child's first day at school. All tears, till Mums back is turned.
The staff at Day Centres have seen it all before and know how to deal with it.

Be strong, you might be surprised!
Having been there, my father had to go into a Home eventually. Held the record for quickest escape!(1.5 hrs) Settled, and had a whale of time, before a major decline.
He didn't want to go, wasn't going to go, wouldn't go, couldn't make him, etc.
To see him 6 months later, joining in a sing song, different world.

Bod

 

[nikki63]

my dad seems very depressed and keeps talking about ending his life,he has vascular and alzheimer's and also had a small stroke last year.so he has had alot to deal with.

 

[Sammyjo1]

my dad seems very depressed and keeps talking about ending his life,he has vascular and alzheimer's and also had a small stroke last year.so he has had alot to deal with.

Do you think your dad would contact Samaritans? If not, and if you think he would speak to them if they rang him, you can call them and request a 3rd party. Call. Their phone numbers is 116 123. Of course this only works if you are in UK

 

[Shedrech]

hi Nikki63
welcome to TP
you sound as though you are tearing your hair out trying to support your dad on your own
I hope you've applied for Attendance Allowance as that would help with finances - and would your dad accept some home care visits if he thought they were 'free' and available to everyone over a certain age, so he might as well make the most of these freebies (on TP we call these love lies - designed to help the person with dementia (PWD) to accept the help they need)
or would he accept help as it will make life easier for you as his daughter - my dad would do anything for me, so this was a good way to get round him
contact your Local Authority Adult Services and request an assessment of his care needs - depending on his assets, he may even be funded by the LA - home care visits and some day care will help your situation
here's a link to find any support available in your area
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents.php?categoryID=200121&_ga=1.52572395.213745934.1462100281#!/search
also, have a chat with his GP and/or consultant - it's not at all unusual for a PWD to also have depression - some meds may help your dad's mood; they certainly helped my dad be calmer

just to mention Powers of Attorney; if you haven't already organised these, do so as they will give you authority in the future to deal with your dad's affairs

best wishes