In trying to do the right thing, I may have made a terrible mistake that could destroy my marriage.
The affected person is my 82-y-o Father In Law who was diagnosed with mild Vascular Dementia in May this year.
Since then he has a major heart operation and then went suddenly downhill, with aggression and a weekly deterioration. This led to a mental health sectioning and now he is refusing to eat or drink and we are now counting down to the inevitable.
The problem is his grandkids, they saw him several weeks ago after the heart op and he was bad but has deteriorated massively since then.
My eldest daughter (early 20's) has some anxiety issues and was deeply affected by my own Father's death two years ago (he died in the space of a week from an undiagnosed cancer). Her problems were exacerbated by the fact that she was living away from home at the time and we didn't tell her anything until after the death itself (for multiple, good reasons).
She (and her sister) do/does have an opportunity to visit their granddad in hospital to say goodbye.
My Wife and I agreed that they should make the decision, but after an emotional row between my Wife and daughter, my daughter and I had a long chat and in the process of I did express my opinion that she should consider not going and remember him as-he-was rather than having the very distressing image of how-he-is as her abiding memory of him forever.
I know that there is no right answer as she may regret going or she may regret NOT going and it is impossible to know now what is the right thing to do for the future.
At the moment she has decided not to go, though this is not irrevocable of course.
Now to the problem - my Wife is feeling very upset and incandescent with me because of what I have done. She feels betrayed and can never forgive me for what I have done.
She (and my MIL) both want our daughters to go and I have interfered and messed everything up.
I would appreciate any input, comments or advice
Regards
SIL
The affected person is my 82-y-o Father In Law who was diagnosed with mild Vascular Dementia in May this year.
Since then he has a major heart operation and then went suddenly downhill, with aggression and a weekly deterioration. This led to a mental health sectioning and now he is refusing to eat or drink and we are now counting down to the inevitable.
The problem is his grandkids, they saw him several weeks ago after the heart op and he was bad but has deteriorated massively since then.
My eldest daughter (early 20's) has some anxiety issues and was deeply affected by my own Father's death two years ago (he died in the space of a week from an undiagnosed cancer). Her problems were exacerbated by the fact that she was living away from home at the time and we didn't tell her anything until after the death itself (for multiple, good reasons).
She (and her sister) do/does have an opportunity to visit their granddad in hospital to say goodbye.
My Wife and I agreed that they should make the decision, but after an emotional row between my Wife and daughter, my daughter and I had a long chat and in the process of I did express my opinion that she should consider not going and remember him as-he-was rather than having the very distressing image of how-he-is as her abiding memory of him forever.
I know that there is no right answer as she may regret going or she may regret NOT going and it is impossible to know now what is the right thing to do for the future.
At the moment she has decided not to go, though this is not irrevocable of course.
Now to the problem - my Wife is feeling very upset and incandescent with me because of what I have done. She feels betrayed and can never forgive me for what I have done.
She (and my MIL) both want our daughters to go and I have interfered and messed everything up.
I would appreciate any input, comments or advice
Regards
SIL