Grace, I am SO pleased to hear your op is over and done, and am hoping that you have as smooth a recovery as possible. It must be very frustrating to not be able to get comfortable and I hope the physiotherapist can help. Please look after yourself and don't worry about MIL or the in-laws right now, just rest and recover and get better. It is very good to hear from you!
Sorry for any confusion over bratwurst versus rotten children. Don't think I haven't been tempted to roast some brats at times, or at least rake them over the coals! One side of my family (not the side with the teeny tiny bit of Irish, upon whom I blame my freckles) is of German-American extraction, and bratwurst is always a part of any barbeque that we have.
While not exactly the weekend that DH and I would have planned (due to hosting my cousin from out of town) it was still very pleasant and we did have some time to ourselves yesterday.
On Saturday, we went to my mother's care home and were able to measure her furniture, and also to get into the new room and take measurements there. The new room is quite a bit smaller and the wardrobe is TINY so we will have to be careful about what we pick and choose.
I have also heard it's better to move sooner rather than later and hope, hope, hope this will prove to be correct in this case. I am relieved that my mother and Miss T will move together, as it seems the best possible solution. My DH thinks my mother will be very upset by the move, and although I know it's impossible to predict, and am trying to hope for the best, I fear he may be right.
I do think that moving into a smaller and quieter area of the care home is a good idea. She is more often now, easily distracted and disturbed by too much stimulation. Her current room overlooks the front door and parking area, and leads to some upset and delusions from noises outside, especially at night. The new room looks out into the garden, which is very nice, and quiet and private. The memory care unit is decorated very much the same as the unit where she now lives, and the bathrooms are identical, so I am hoping that continuity will help.
We had planned to take my mother out to lunch but forgot the care home was having an event on Saturday. I don't know if I can explain the concept of tailgating for American football games, but will give it a try if you ask! At any rate, it was a party to celebrate the opening game of the season for our local university American football team. As you may know, here in the States we get worked up over American football (God help us all) and we live in a town with a large university and no professional American football team, so everyone goes mad for the university team. I can't explain why, because I don't understand it (I am not originally from this town and fear one would have to be born/raised here to comprehend this phenomenon). So everyone dresses in team colors and even if you can't get tickets to the game (they are hard to get, and expensive), you might have a party at your house, or even go and have a party in a carpark near the university (that's the tailgating bit). So the carehome had set up a big TV in one of the lounges and had party food and a full bar and all that sort of thing. It was clear we shouldn't try to take my mother out, so we watched the first half of the game instead.
My mother was happy to have us sit with her and Miss T, but she was confused. I am grateful that she didn't seem agitated, but she asked us over and over, what were our plans? And what were we doing that day? And how long were we staying?And so on, and eventually I realized that my mother thought she was back in the city where she lived for many years (where I was born and grew up) and that DH and I had driven a long way to see her. At times, she seemed to think she was in her own home, as she would mention needing us to repair something in the kitchen or living room. At one point she asked if we would be able to stay to dinner (evening meal; it was noon at this point) and was visibly disappointed when DH said we would not. As silly as it sounds, I felt badly. (That's an echo of pre-diagnosis, but not pre-dementia I fear, when I would drive to where my mother lived to take her to the doctor or whatever, and she'd always ask me if I could stay and have dinner.) But she was not upset to see us leave and for the first time ever, didn't walk us out of the building.
I can see the behaviour issues the staff have been telling me about. In addition to the disorientation and confusion, my mother repeatedly made very nasty remarks about many of the other residents, often in a very angry/belligerent tone. I gather there have been incidents in the dining room (I think the nurse manager is hoping to spare my feelings as I can't get details out of her) related to this nastiness about other residents. I don't know that transferring her to the memory care unit is going to solve this problem, because it seems likely to me that my mother will find new persons to dislike, but we will see. She was also vocal and negative about one of the staff (she tends to find a carer on every shift to denigrate) and I wonder if this has also been a problem, although surely the staff would be used to this sort of thing.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to go on at such length about this but the upcoming move and so forth have been preying on my mind.
Thanks for your kind reinforcements about our Thanksgiving plans. In addition to seeing good friends, DH has perked up since that phone call, so I am grateful for his sake. I know he is still upset about his father's death but he seems to be doing a bit better just in the past couple of weeks, and now we have something to look forward to.
Ann, glad the coat was sorted so easily, and I should like to go shopping with your friend, "H!" I think it is safe to say that we all think the new job situation sounds promising and look forward to hearing more about it.
RedLou, that sounds a very sensible approach to the clothing situation. I'll have to give it some thought.
Slugsta, how are the cats doing?
Spamar, JM, and everyone I've unintentionally forgotten, hope you're all doing well!
Sorry for any confusion over bratwurst versus rotten children. Don't think I haven't been tempted to roast some brats at times, or at least rake them over the coals! One side of my family (not the side with the teeny tiny bit of Irish, upon whom I blame my freckles) is of German-American extraction, and bratwurst is always a part of any barbeque that we have.
While not exactly the weekend that DH and I would have planned (due to hosting my cousin from out of town) it was still very pleasant and we did have some time to ourselves yesterday.
On Saturday, we went to my mother's care home and were able to measure her furniture, and also to get into the new room and take measurements there. The new room is quite a bit smaller and the wardrobe is TINY so we will have to be careful about what we pick and choose.
I have also heard it's better to move sooner rather than later and hope, hope, hope this will prove to be correct in this case. I am relieved that my mother and Miss T will move together, as it seems the best possible solution. My DH thinks my mother will be very upset by the move, and although I know it's impossible to predict, and am trying to hope for the best, I fear he may be right.
I do think that moving into a smaller and quieter area of the care home is a good idea. She is more often now, easily distracted and disturbed by too much stimulation. Her current room overlooks the front door and parking area, and leads to some upset and delusions from noises outside, especially at night. The new room looks out into the garden, which is very nice, and quiet and private. The memory care unit is decorated very much the same as the unit where she now lives, and the bathrooms are identical, so I am hoping that continuity will help.
We had planned to take my mother out to lunch but forgot the care home was having an event on Saturday. I don't know if I can explain the concept of tailgating for American football games, but will give it a try if you ask! At any rate, it was a party to celebrate the opening game of the season for our local university American football team. As you may know, here in the States we get worked up over American football (God help us all) and we live in a town with a large university and no professional American football team, so everyone goes mad for the university team. I can't explain why, because I don't understand it (I am not originally from this town and fear one would have to be born/raised here to comprehend this phenomenon). So everyone dresses in team colors and even if you can't get tickets to the game (they are hard to get, and expensive), you might have a party at your house, or even go and have a party in a carpark near the university (that's the tailgating bit). So the carehome had set up a big TV in one of the lounges and had party food and a full bar and all that sort of thing. It was clear we shouldn't try to take my mother out, so we watched the first half of the game instead.
My mother was happy to have us sit with her and Miss T, but she was confused. I am grateful that she didn't seem agitated, but she asked us over and over, what were our plans? And what were we doing that day? And how long were we staying?And so on, and eventually I realized that my mother thought she was back in the city where she lived for many years (where I was born and grew up) and that DH and I had driven a long way to see her. At times, she seemed to think she was in her own home, as she would mention needing us to repair something in the kitchen or living room. At one point she asked if we would be able to stay to dinner (evening meal; it was noon at this point) and was visibly disappointed when DH said we would not. As silly as it sounds, I felt badly. (That's an echo of pre-diagnosis, but not pre-dementia I fear, when I would drive to where my mother lived to take her to the doctor or whatever, and she'd always ask me if I could stay and have dinner.) But she was not upset to see us leave and for the first time ever, didn't walk us out of the building.
I can see the behaviour issues the staff have been telling me about. In addition to the disorientation and confusion, my mother repeatedly made very nasty remarks about many of the other residents, often in a very angry/belligerent tone. I gather there have been incidents in the dining room (I think the nurse manager is hoping to spare my feelings as I can't get details out of her) related to this nastiness about other residents. I don't know that transferring her to the memory care unit is going to solve this problem, because it seems likely to me that my mother will find new persons to dislike, but we will see. She was also vocal and negative about one of the staff (she tends to find a carer on every shift to denigrate) and I wonder if this has also been a problem, although surely the staff would be used to this sort of thing.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to go on at such length about this but the upcoming move and so forth have been preying on my mind.
Thanks for your kind reinforcements about our Thanksgiving plans. In addition to seeing good friends, DH has perked up since that phone call, so I am grateful for his sake. I know he is still upset about his father's death but he seems to be doing a bit better just in the past couple of weeks, and now we have something to look forward to.
Ann, glad the coat was sorted so easily, and I should like to go shopping with your friend, "H!" I think it is safe to say that we all think the new job situation sounds promising and look forward to hearing more about it.
RedLou, that sounds a very sensible approach to the clothing situation. I'll have to give it some thought.
Slugsta, how are the cats doing?
Spamar, JM, and everyone I've unintentionally forgotten, hope you're all doing well!