When Does This End?

[mot]

This is long, and I'm sorry. Have so many questions and it's good to just get it all out. Have been caring for my mom for nine years. My step dad died in 2007 and since they lived 4 1/2 hours away, mom decided to move closer to me. That first year or two were just wonderful!!!

Then the nightmare began. She started falling. In 2012 she broke her left arm THREE times!!! All the necessary legal documents were in place and that year my brother and I took over everything. He lives 3 hours away, so I am the one who is involved in her care 24/7 and he works with her financial advisor. She lives in a beautiful retirement community. Has a very nice apartment in an Independent living community. In 2012, she needed extra help with things and I contracted with a private home health agency for that. Every year since, we have increased the services she receives and last year, we opted for their total care package. She has a nursing assistant assigned to her each day from 7am to 7pm. They pop in and out and help her get dressed, give her baths, give her meds, walk her to dining room for meals and back to her apartment and give a night check before they leave. They check in on her every 2 hours - sometimes more if she is having a bad day.

After the most recent fall 3 weeks ago, our lives have been turned up side down!!! Finally her GP ordered an MRI of her brain. She is having many tiny mini strokes and has been having them seemingly for years - even prior to moving here. The cumulative result is multi infarct dementia.

Since the last fall, she is anxious, agitated and scared all the time. Her phone has become her security blanket and sometimes she calls me every 10 minutes begging me to come get her and "take her home". One day she called me over 20 times and my husband several times. It's breaking me. Such agony!! She has used every manipulative tool in a human's mental tool box to try to get me to do what she wants. I try to speak words of encouragement to her and assure her that she is in a safe place. She has told me I need to do better - that I don't love her or I would help her. I'm doing all I can!!

Where "home" is, she can't tell you. I've asked her to describe where it is she wants to be. All she knows is that she doesn't want to be where she is anymore. Every day she begs me to come get her and bring her to my house if she can't "go home". My house doesn't work for her either. It's a two story with all bedrooms up. In 2007 she was staying with me until I could get her apartment set up at the retirement community and she fell down the stairs. Had to have stitches above one of her eyes. My brother has the same situation with bedrooms at his home, so we have been using her money to pay for the extra help she needs to stay where she is at.

Her GP has changed her meds around several times trying to find something that will help with the anxiety. I've just placed another call to his nurse this morning.

My own health is being impacted in a negative way. I jump every time the phone rings, so I changed her ringtone on my Iphone and this helps some.

How long does this go on?

Even though she was just recently diagnosed, those mini strokes have been killing her brain cells for years. I'm running out of steam. I'm running two households, plus plus plus.... Am back and forth to her apartment sometimes several times a day. Had to shut down my home based business last year. Don't know how long she will be able to stay where she is because now she sometimes wanders up and down the halls begging everyone she sees for help. The nursing assistant tries to intervene, but since this is an all independent living place, mom's antics are causing a stir.

How long does this go on? Mom will be 91 this month!

Thanks for reading, listening. Even though I live in the US, this forum is THE best!!! You all are such caring and encouraging people. The US based Alzheimer's forum just isn't - well, as good.

 

[CJinUSA]

Hello. I'm sorry you are experiencing this. What loving children your mother has, and so lucky too that she/you evidently have the resources to assist her and her needs.

My father died of multi-infarct dementia, age 83, in 1993. Today this seems to be called vascular dementia. My father's strokes had occurred probably across 20 years, but they became more acute - and more devastating - in November 1992. He died in Feb. 1993.

Some of those who experience issues related to dementia say - here I think I am recalling Norms' saying this - that when they say they want to go home, they might mean their childhood home, but they really mean a place of comfort, because they are afraid, need comforting, and don't want to be left alone. My father used to say he wanted to go home, and sometimes it really *was* that he was just plain scared about what was happening to him. Sometimes, too, he meant he wanted to go back to his childhood home in New Jersey.

There is no one solution to these issues. It might make sense to hire someone - instead of the daily round - for overnight rounds, to be with her during periods when she is afraid, if these periods are happening overnight. My father suffered from sundown syndrome - increased agitation and upset just as soon as the sun was about to go down, falling asleep finally when daylight started to peak through the curtains.

Your mother's general health suggests this won't last too too long (I'm referring to your title), but if she is ambulatory, you do probably have a good deal of time yet. Who can say how long? No one really knows.

I'm so sorry. This next period will be your toughest yet.

 

[canary]

Im so sorry mot ((((hugs)))))
It sounds like your mum needs someone with her 24/7 now as she is becoming anxious by herself. My MIL became very manipulative too. We had the 30 phone calls in one hour and on another occasion she phoned up to say that her zimmer frame had "fallen over" - hmmmm........ they are designed so that they dont just fall over ....... when I went round she was delighted and it was obvious that her zimmer frame had been pushed over!

I dont know what facilities are available in USA, or how you access them, but if you were here in UK I would be suggesting that you look around at care homes/dementia units (are they called memory facilities where you are?) with a view to permanant placement.

Mum became much less anxious once she started receiving 24/7 care as there was always someone on hand to re-assure her.

PS - I suspect that even if she came and lived with you she would still want to "go home"!

 

[Aisling]

Im so sorry mot ((((hugs)))))
It sounds like your mum needs someone with her 24/7 now as she is becoming anxious by herself. My MIL became very manipulative too. We had the 30 phone calls in one hour and on another occasion she phoned up to say that her zimmer frame had "fallen over" - hmmmm........ they are designed so that they dont just fall over ....... when I went round she was delighted and it was obvious that her zimmer frame had been pushed over!

I dont know what facilities are available in USA, or how you access them, but if you were here in UK I would be suggesting that you look around at care homes/dementia units (are they called memory facilities where you are?) with a view to permanant placement.

Mum became much less anxious once she started receiving 24/7 care as there was always someone on hand to re-assure her.uj

PS - I suspect that even if she came and lived with you she would still want to "go home"!

Am so sorry Mot but it looks like your Mum needs full time care in a nursing home. My OH wants to go home daily. This could happen any time even in the middle of the night. Going home seems to be a common trait. So so sad. Have tried every trick in the book, distraction, tea, out for drive etc and sometimes nothing works. In my experience it is pointless trying to reason with him. Reasoning only gets him more irritated and stressed.

Virtual hugs

Aisling

 

[mot]

Thank you both so much for your replies. I have felt that she needed 24/7 care. My brother is an internal medicine doctor, and when I have suggested we look into a higher level of care, his response is that we need to play this out. He's concerned that she will outlive her money.

I feel differently. Using her money to provide for her - whatever level that may be - is my main concern. Seeing her struggles and hearing the fear in her voice is pure hell. She doesn't call him. He's the "doctor" and is busy. I'm the one she calls and depends on for help. If she does outlive her resources, then we cross that bridge when we have to and will have to figure something else out.

I would love to be able to have someone with her 24/7. To do so where she currently lives would be cost prohibitive.

Yes, we have memory care centers. A new one just opened down the street from where she lives. It is the only certified memory care center in the state where I live. I've checked it out and liked what I saw. It's a small center. Maximum of 45 patients. Have asked my brother to drive down and check it out. He doesn't think we can afford it. Sigh! But, he is driving down for Mother's Day and has agreed to stop in and check it out. I am praying that this weekend with her will open his eyes to where she is in this dementia journey.

Being a son first, I imagine it's difficult for him to face. If she were to have a roommate, the cost would be about what we are currently paying. Not too certain sharing a room is the best for dementia patients. I see all sorts of problems getting space and personal belongings mixed.

This is all so overwhelming. My mom actually began having problems when I was in high school. Depression, hormonal problems. Our roles seemed to have reversed somewhat at that point. My brother was away in college so his experience and memories are not the same as mine.

Again, I am so grateful to have a safe place to vent. A place where others are walking or have walked this same journey. And, perhaps most importantly is the support!!! Sort of hard to believe this can happen on a forum, especially without being face to face!!

 

[Aisling]

Thank you both so much for your replies. I have felt that she needed 24/7 care. My brother is an internal medicine doctor, and when I have suggested we look into a higher level of care, his response is that we need to play this out. He's concerned that she will outlive her money.

I feel differently. Using her money to provide for her - whatever level that may be - is my main concern. Seeing her struggles and hearing the fear in her voice is pure hell. She doesn't call him. He's the "doctor" and is busy. I'm the one she calls and depends on for help. If she does outlive her resources, then we cross that bridge when we have to and will have to figure something else out.

I would love to be able to have someone with her 24/7. To do so where she currently lives would be cost prohibitive.

Yes, we have memory care centers. A new one just opened down the street from where she lives. It is the only certified memory care center in the state where I live. I've checked it out and liked what I saw. It's a small center. Maximum of 45 patients. Have asked my brother to drive down and check it out. He doesn't think we can afford it. Sigh! But, he is driving down for Mother's Day and has agreed to stop in and check it out. I am praying that this weekend with her will open his eyes to where she is in this dementia journey.

Being a son first, I imagine it's difficult for him to face. If she were to have a roommate, the cost would be about what we are currently paying. Not too certain sharing a room is the best for dementia patients. I see all sorts of problems getting space and personal belongings mixed.

This is all so overwhelming. My mom actually began having problems when I was in high school. Depression, hormonal problems. Our roles seemed to have reversed somewhat at that point. My brother was away in college so his experience and memories are not the same as mine.

Again, I am so grateful to have a safe place to vent. A place where others are walking or have walked this same journey. And, perhaps most importantly is the support!!! Sort of hard to believe this can happen on a forum, especially without being face to face!!

Hi Mot,
I am sure you have told your brother the facts. When you see him face to face, tell him again. I really hope it works out for you.

Aisling

 

[canary]

How long is your brother staying? If its only for a few hours are you aware of what is termed "hostess mode" on here? It a phenomenon where the person with dementia can sort of pull themself together and appear quite rational and lucid (possibly even normal) when faced with visitors, medical people or people in authority (police, lawyers etc). It takes a lot of effort though and they can only sustain it for a short period of time - so if your brother is with her for a whole day he will probably see the "hostess mode" slip - but if hes only with her for a short period (a couple of hours) he may well walk away with the perception that she is perfectly OK.

 

[Aisling]

How long is your brother staying? If its only for a few hours are you aware of what is termed "hostess mode" on here? It a phenomenon where the person with dementia can sort of pull themself together and appear quite rational and lucid (possibly even normal) when faced with visitors, medical people or people in authority (police, lawyers etc). It takes a lot of effort though and they can only sustain it for a short period of time - so if your brother is with her for a whole day he will probably see the "hostess mode" slip - but if hes only with her for a short period (a couple of hours) he may well walk away with the perception that she is perfectly OK.

Excellent point Canary. I forget about the hostess role and it is so convincing.


Aisling

 

[mot]

Oh My Goodness!!!!! I've not heard of the Hostess Role...... something else I guess our brain does. Amazing! Wow!

He will be with her for the entire weekend. Friday noon to Sunday noon.

I was afraid that his visit would set her back because of having someone around for a few days. Thought it might make her even more anxious and crazy after he leaves.

Am hopeful that the hostess thing will be temporary, if at all, and that he will see. We will all have lunch together on Sunday.

Thank you all so much!

 

[Amy in the US]

Hello, mot, and welcome to TP. As you can see from my user name, I'm another Yank on the boards here. I agree, TP is a fabulous resource and although there is an American version, I prefer this one.

I am so very sorry to hear of the situation with your mother. She is certainly lucky to have such caring children looking out for her.

I think that it sounds very much like your mother needs an increased level of care. While I'm not familiar with multi-infarct dementia, am I correct in thinking it is a form of vascular dementia? I know that the progression of vascular dementia is different from Alzheimer's type dementia in that there can be very sudden changes, as opposed to a slower gradual decline. The last fall may have been a sign, or result, of a change in status, I am guessing. (Disclaimer: not a medical professional and don't take my word for anything; ask your brother, who is a doctor! Actually, ask your mother's neurologist. If she isn't under the care of a neurologist, get one. My mother's neurologist has been a life-saver; he specializes in dementia patients and it's made a huge difference to her care.)

My mother, who has Alzheimer's and short term memory loss, also suffered from the crippling, devastating, and constant anxiety. I got the phone calls, the tearful pleas, all of that. The anxiety was heart breaking, and nothing we did helped, until she had a crisis, spent a couple of weeks on the Senior Behavioral Health Unit (GeriPysch), and then went to a care home. Sorry, a nursing home, in US parlance. She is in assisted living for the moment but I know eventually she will require memory care.

The move to the care home/assisted living facility cut her anxiety by a good 90%, although I have to attribute some of that to the medications getting straightened out.

So I wonder if your mother would benefit from 24/7 care and company, just on a reassurance level. It's quite common, with different types of dementia, for the PWD (person with dementia) to need that level of care. I am surprised her independent living place has allowed her to stay, as I think it's likely no longer able to supply the level of care she needs.

On the financial front: a lot has to do with the laws of the state where you live, of course. I hear that your brother is concerned that she will outlive her money, but nobody has a crystal ball to predict the future. What I can recommend you do is to find a good elder law attorney in your area and see what advice they have for you. My mother has some assets (more than a little but less than a lot--so the same concern about her outliving her money) and I am working with her attorney and financial advisor to make a plan and possibly set up a trust. I manage all her finances and affairs and could not do this without the financial advisor, the attorney, and the accountant. They are worth their cost, and then some.

Google your city and/or county name along with senior services and/or area agency on aging. For example, if you lived in Atlanta, I'd Google "Atlanta senior services" and "Atlanta agency aging." That should give you the name of your local agency. Where I live, they have been a HUGE resource and a lot of help. I have learned about Medicare and supplemental insurance, been to workshops about dementia and caregiving, gotten referrals for elder law attorneys, found support groups, and more. Do not hesitate to use them; it's a resource many of us don't know about. Even better, I have gotten a great deal of useful information from them about local nursing homes and care facilities.

The Alzheimer's Society has been another important resource for me. Again, in my area they offer lectures and workshops and support groups. TP is great, but the "real life" support groups are also a good resource, and I've found out which facilities to put on my list and which ones to avoid, for the future.

I hate to say it, but there is always the option of spending down your mother's resources and then turning to Medicaid. This does not have to be the awful situation that we all think it does, if you know how to plan for it. Planning ahead is the key here.

If your mother has not yet made a will and durable Power of Attorney and also health care directives (living will, durable PoA for health care, whatever works in your state) then I would get those done yesterday. Again, a good attorney is key. Although, if I read your first post correctly, it sounds like you may have this all in place. Good for you.

If you wish, please feel free to PM me and I will try to be of further practical assistance.

On an emotional level, many of us here have heard the "I want to go home" refrain more times than we can count. Please remember that even if you moved your mother into your house (assuming that were safe and possible, which sounds unlikely), she might very well still want to "go home." Even having you available to her 24/7, might not be enough to make her happy. And she might well panic every time you left the room, took a shower, et cetera. You have to ask yourself if that is a viable situation, for everyone, before you berate yourself for not doing it.

If you do decide to move your mother in with you, please go over to the "I care for a person with dementia" forum here on TP and have a look at Ann Mac's thread about her MIL, who lives with them. Read at least 25 pages or so and see what it's like to be a live-in caregiver. Let me see if I can post a link: http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showthread.php?77653-So-bizarre-!

Ann started that thread in 2014 and I have no idea how she and her family manage. I read it every day.

If you want your brother's eyes to open to the situation, may I suggest that your brother spend as long a period of time as possible (ideally at least eight hours straight, and including some time in the evening, after dinner) alone with your mother, so he can get a clear picture of how she is doing. Hostess mode is a very real phenomenom in PWD but usually it's not sustainable. Tell your brother to pay close attention and he will, unless he's thoroughly in denial, certainly begin to notice that she is not all right.

Don't underestimate the effect all of this has on your emotional and physical and mental health. I think that if you can find the right level of care for your mother, you and your brother will feel better.

I am sorry this is so disorganized but hope you find something helpful in here. Very best wishes to you and your family. I know it's hard. We are here to support each other, so don't hesitate to reach out for help or advice, or just to vent.

 

[mot]

Amy in the US, thank you! thank you! thank you! Valuable information in your post for me and I appreciate that so much!

All legal documents are in order. Will, Health Directive, Durable POA. My brother and I both have counseled with an attorney. The CPA who handles our business and personal affairs also handles my mom's. My brother works directly with her financial advisor. So, I think everything is in order. The twist for us is that she and my step dad set up a living trust before his death. We have to follow the terms of the trust and at times this is frustrating, but we have done it successfully. HE (my brother) has done a fabulous job with it. I am to taxed with taking care of mom's day to day issues and am glad he handles this part.

You confirmed my gut feeling!! Spending down her assets and then attempting Medicaid. Another cog in the wheel is that she is a retired federal employee and her pension - after all other assets are gone - will exceed the Medicaid maximum monthly income by around $400. I think an elder care attorney would be a valuable tool in getting Medicaid. I've read about an income trust for Medicaid, but there really is very little detailed information available. It's simply mentioned on the Medicaid application with nothing else. That's where the attorney would be needed.

My gut feeling was that mom needed a higher level of care. The retirement community where she lives has not voiced any concerns ... yet. I hired an independent home care agency 4 years ago to assist her with certain tasks of daily living when she fell and broke an arm (3 times that year) and each year since I have added services until we now have their total care package. For all practical purposes it is assisted living, with no nights covered.

The place where she lives has an internal emergency system. If she falls or otherwise has an emergency, all she has to do is press a button around her neck. There is staff on duty 24/7 - but not of the nursing types. But, lately she doesn't remember she has the darn thing around her neck. So... the home health nursing assistants have mom covered from 7am til 7pm daily. If mom ever gets "past" them and begins to disrupt daily living for other residents it will become a problem.

There is no way I can handle mom at my home. I have a two story and all bedrooms are up. When she moved here nine years ago, she stayed with me for a short time while I was getting her apartment ready. She fell down the stairs taking clothes down to the washer. Had to have several stitches. I've read pages and pages and pages of posts here from folks that have their loved ones in their homes and simply do NOT know how they are surviving. I am exhausted most days and at least I get to sleep without mom being around. (If I can turn my brain off)

Thank you again! Like you, I have checked out the US version of this forum, but I prefer this one!!! I find the people so open and caring and supportive!

 

[Amy in the US]

Mot, you are most welcome. This is a long and torturous journey and all we can do, is try to make it just a bit less awful for each other.

I thought it sounded like you had all the paperwork in order (well done, you, as they say in the UK). Next disclaimer: I am also not a legal professional, so don't take my word as legal advice and check everything out with a real lawyer. OK, so your stepfather and mother set up a living will. That does change the picture a bit and makes me think you should run, not walk, to a good elder law attorney. See if you can get any personal references from friends or family or business associates (the financial advisor and accountant are good ones to ask). I really think you will need expert legal advice, especially to work with the trust.

Don't panic about the pension and it being over the Medicaid limits. At least in some cases, there is a way to work with that. Sometimes what happens is that any pension funds and/or Social Security payments are paid to the care home or a similar arrangement. Again, the elder law attorney will be able to advise about that, but definitely don't lose sleep over it right now. The Medicaid rules are torturous and difficult even for the experts to understand. You don't have to be an expert in Medicaid, you just need to hire one.

I think your priorities are to 1) get your brother on board with understanding what care your mother needs, 2) get your mother that level of care, and 3) get a lawyer and get moving on a plan for your mother's assets.

My mother's elder law attorney and financial advisor and accountant are all able to talk to each other, which saves me a lot of hassle and time. Something to think about.

Sorry, I'm fading fast here, but the UK folks will be getting up soon and you may find some more advice from them. When you have a chance and feel up to it, please let us know how the weekend goes with your brother. Will be thinking of you. Again, don't hesitate to ask questions!

 

[mot]

Well, the weekend went well. Am grateful. Both my brother and his wife toured the memory care center. Brother was ready to get out of there by Sunday afternoon, tho. He realizes that the situation is only going to get worse. I think he is hopeful we can wait until we just absolutely have to move her.

They both felt that while no place is perfect, they really had no objections overall to moving mom there. The concern was that there are only a handful there who are functioning along the same level as mom. The others are mentally "out", for lack of a better word. He is the doctor for several nursing homes where he lives and says that once mom is around others whose mental capacity is impaired below her level, hers will quickly decline.

For now, the nursing assistants where she is are telling me that with the recent "tweaking" of her meds, she is manageable. Just don't know how long that will be true.

While I am SO grateful that we are all finally on the same page, as they drive off the reality that it's still all on my shoulders just hit me. They drive off to their home and resume a regular life. I am the one left to deal.

Moving her here 9 years ago was also a move that I handled on my own. Mom sat in her recliner while I packed. This time I will have to put her in a hotel or guest suite with a sitter for a few days while I sort through everything, and pick what can move. Most of it cannot. It's torture!

What a blessing it is to be able to talk to others who have walked or are walking where I am! You guys are compassionate and supportive and that is so needed. I've got to process all this and then somehow reach deep within and make this happen. I'm scared. I want what is best for mom and I don't have any magic wand to make it happen. Am praying for wisdom and mercy.

Today, I thought of numerous questions I didn't ask on my tour, so I plan to go back and talk things out at the memory care center - look it over again. Is this crazy? So hard to know exactly what to do WHEN.

Many thanks!

Mot

 

[CeliaThePoet]

There is a school of thought which suggests that people settle a little better if they are still able to learn to navigate a new place, connect with others socially (however slightly), etc...and the health and energy of the caregiver should not be depleted before placement (tho this is rare, I'd say). If you are ready, don't let your brother's view take top billing. Waiting until the last straw is not a great plan, in my view.

 

[Katrine]

Hi mot, this is a very interesting thread. Amy is always so generous with her advice. It was really interesting to read about some of the decision-making from an American perspective.

"

He is the doctor for several nursing homes where he lives and says that once mom is around others whose mental capacity is impaired below her level, hers will quickly decline."

I don't agree with your brother's deductions. If he has seen a rapid decline in PWD, perhaps they were already reaching a step-down point in their illness. That's assuming that they are being cared for properly. Inappropriate or neglectful care would of course have a bad effect, by making the PWD confused and distressed.

In my own experience with MIL, she was agitated for a few months after entering permanent residential care because she was determined to go home. However, she benefited tremendously from the support and reassurance of the carers, who are available 24/7. She became pals with a few of the other residents, but disliked the rest of them because they were "not right in the head".

Now I feel she is much more relaxed because she doesn't have the strain of trying to 'be normal'. Can you imagine what it must be like in your own home when everyone who visits you sees nothing but hazards and problems. What MIL wanted was good company, not stressed relatives rushing round fixing things that she couldn't see needed fixing. "I'm not a child, you know!" It was also a strain for her keeping up with our conversations, and remembering who is who in the family. With her fellow residents they live in a strange world of fantasy and confabulation, but often seem to rub along better together than when maintaining a 'normal' conversation with their visitors.

Sadly, a person whose 'level' may appear above that of the others around them will decline, as those other people have declined. They probably also arrived with a higher level of mental functioning. Also, everyone is different. Your mother will have more abilities in some areas, and less in others, than her fellow residents.

I remember what the senior care worker said to me after MIL had been there for 2 days. She was putting on a great performance to prove that it was time to let her go home. He said to me "She's very articulate and intelligent, and when you talk to her she seems almost normal, but the dementia behaviours are really quite severe. I can see now why she needs to be living here, where we can keep her safe."

 

[canary]

The concern was that there are only a handful there who are functioning along the same level as mom. The others are mentally "out", for lack of a better word. He is the doctor for several nursing homes where he lives and says that once mom is around others whose mental capacity is impaired below her level, hers will quickly decline.

I also cant agree that this is generally true. It is inevitable that the dementia will progress and people will progress in their own time, so some will decline quickly, but in my experience, its not necessarily true of all of them. The CH mum is in is a secure unit (she was a wanderer) and has people at all stages of dementia - many in quite advanced stages. Mum thrived once she moved there and made friends with the people who were at her level. She didnt seem to notice the ones who were very advanced. Two years later she is now beginning to noticeably decline, but she had been stable for a good long period - as have the majority of the ones she has made friends with - the ones who have declined quicker were, on the most part, people who had been in the care home for some time before she arrived and so were further along the journey. I think its inevitable that when people first move in they are going to be the ones who are most able. Its a bit like worrying that when a child first goes to school that they are the youngest! Unfortunately, of course, in a care home being there longer just means that the dementia will have advanced.

 

[mot]

Thanks to you all for responding to my post. Katrine, you made me laugh!!! Also gave practical and valuable advice, as did Canary.

The eventual mental decline with this disease/illness is certain - no matter where the individual person may be living.

You all have given me much to think about.

Thank you!

 

[Spamar]

I remember that when OH first went to daycare he complained that the others were all worse than him! Note that it was not just pwd who we there.
I said that if that were so, he could help the nurses a little by picking up dishes, or handing out cake. The question didn't arise again, so I assume that is what happened. He attended daycare there until he was on of the 'worst' ones!

 

[mot]

Wow! Spamar!!

So, it's hard to know if your OH would have declined at the same rate whether in daycare or not??

This is so frustrating.

After reading many posts from all of you in and around the UK, I think you have more resources available than we do in the US. For example, after reading about your loved one/s getting a geriatric assessment, I asked for an assessment for my mom just so I have a better understanding where she is (or is not, as the case may be). You would not believe the run around I'm getting. Her GP wanted to know who has asked for one!!!!! I said ME as I think that would be valuable information to have. He told me to take her to the Emergency Room and tell them she has "acute memory status changes" and folks in the ER would handle it. REALLY!???

Even my brother, who is a doctor and has been in the medical system here for 52 years told me he knew where 3 assessment centers were, but he had never referred a patient. The nursing home administrator always took care of assessments, if a patient needed one.

I am just flabergasted!!!!!! (is that a word? lol)

I've researched online and found only ONE mental health center that even mentions geriatric assessments and I promise you I live in a fairly large metro area .... I'd say upwards of 250,000.

It's traumatic for mom in the ER. No way am I going that route!!

I think I need a glass of wine ... or two.

Hope you all have a restful night.... more later.

Mot

I should have been a doctor or lawyer instead of a pencil pusher (accountant). Sigh

 

[Marmotta838]

Medications for anxiety

Hi Amy, Could I ask what medication helped your mother's anxiety? Thanks....