So true LadyA. The quiet, stoic, "I won't bother them, else they'll think I'm nagging and a nuisance" approach, gets you nil - well it certainly was the case for me.
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So true LadyA. The quiet, stoic, "I won't bother them, else they'll think I'm nagging and a nuisance" approach, gets you nil - well it certainly was the case for me.
Hi everyone,
I can't believe that OH is now shouting at me when I try to help him. Helping him change clothes tonight and he screamed at me and pulled clothes away from me. Then he hit me. Am totally in bits. It has happened before. Any advice please?
Aisling
I can't believe that OH is now shouting at me when I try to help him. Helping him change clothes tonight and he screamed at me and pulled clothes away from me. Then he hit me. Am totally in bits. It has happened before. Any advice please?
Aisling
So awful for you Aisling. You really need help with this. I can't remember what meds OH may be on but I would certainly ask your GP for something that might reduce the aggression. At this point anything is worth a try.
Only you can decide how much aggression and violence you can stand but you may need to consider whether, for your own safety, your OH needs to be looked after by specialist staff somewhere else. If he gets really violent you won't be able to care for him at all. Don't hesitate to call the emergency services of it gets worse. And please keep us posted.
I hope that perhaps others who have experienced this level of aggression will be along.
Only you can decide how much aggression and violence you can stand but you may need to consider whether, for your own safety, your OH needs to be looked after by specialist staff somewhere else. If he gets really violent you won't be able to care for him at all. Don't hesitate to call the emergency services of it gets worse. And please keep us posted.
I hope that perhaps others who have experienced this level of aggression will be along.
Thank you so much Stanley. I was waiting for reply so really appreciate it. I am finding it v difficult now and no one to help.
Aisling
Aisling my dad is currently having alternate
days of this sort of behaviour, nothing my mum says helps. The evenings he wants to go out and has tantrums, shouting , slamming things .Today he was calm. Tomorrow?
Worth speaking to whoever you use for meds as Stanley said, perhaps a change or additional. My dad has various meds and we are currently looking into what we can do/change as this has been going on steadily for a few weeks now.
It's so draining .
He does have a sleeping tablet which she has started giving him earlier , it calms him , she can get him ready for bed and then he sleeps.
Xx
days of this sort of behaviour, nothing my mum says helps. The evenings he wants to go out and has tantrums, shouting , slamming things .Today he was calm. Tomorrow? Worth speaking to whoever you use for meds as Stanley said, perhaps a change or additional. My dad has various meds and we are currently looking into what we can do/change as this has been going on steadily for a few weeks now.
It's so draining .
He does have a sleeping tablet which she has started giving him earlier , it calms him , she can get him ready for bed and then he sleeps.
Xx
I got to where, just in the few weeks before William went to the nursing home, there were times he slept in his clothes, and other times he stayed in his pyjamas during the day - I usually managed to get his pad changed by giving him his dressing gown to put on and quickly changing the pad while he did that.
You do have to think of your own safety. And of the quality of care you can manage to give your husband if he becomes aggressive towards you and resistant to personal care. That's where I got to with William. I had to acknowledge to myself that he wasn't receiving a standard of care from me that I would accept for him from a nursing home or anyone else. Wasn't easy to get to that, and wasn't easy to see how he thrived in the nursing home. He never minded the uniformed, male staff caring for him.
It's something to think about Aisling.
The only other advice I can give is to always give him something to hold, and if it's a "modesty " thing (William hated being naked), try putting a dressing gown around him before changing him. And explain what you are doing, give him things to hold, etc. William was always showered while he was at home, with a towel around him - and that was with a male home care assistant! William resisted care from him too. You could also try leaving it and try again later, but don't put yourself at risk.
You do have to think of your own safety. And of the quality of care you can manage to give your husband if he becomes aggressive towards you and resistant to personal care. That's where I got to with William. I had to acknowledge to myself that he wasn't receiving a standard of care from me that I would accept for him from a nursing home or anyone else. Wasn't easy to get to that, and wasn't easy to see how he thrived in the nursing home. He never minded the uniformed, male staff caring for him.
It's something to think about Aisling.
The only other advice I can give is to always give him something to hold, and if it's a "modesty " thing (William hated being naked), try putting a dressing gown around him before changing him. And explain what you are doing, give him things to hold, etc. William was always showered while he was at home, with a towel around him - and that was with a male home care assistant! William resisted care from him too. You could also try leaving it and try again later, but don't put yourself at risk.
Aisling my dad is currently having alternate
Worth speaking to whoever you use for meds as Stanley said, perhaps a change or additional. My dad has various meds and we are currently looking into what we can do/change as this has been going on steadily for a few weeks now.
It's so draining .
He does have a sleeping tablet which she has started giving him earlier , it calms him , she can get him ready for bed and then he sleeps.
Xx
His recent change,of meds seems to be working well. He is on 3 calmers at night time. Seroquel I think.nWorks some nights but not other nights.
Yes shouting, slamming and now hitting out is freaking me out. He gets tired and bedtime is usually around 9pm. He won't stay in bed without me.
I hate this disease.
He is half asleep talking to himself now . I have got rid of all the imaginary people, gave him more tea but have feeling it could be a long night.
Thang God for TP.
I can't leave him for 5 minutes during the day.
I haven't seen a soul all weekend! Long ago I thought it would be nice being a hermit for a weekend!!
Thank you for replying.
Aisling
Thank you. When I try the dressing gown/towel tactic, he gets more irate and then anything could happen. Am hoping he falls asleep soon. Am typing under duvet with light off in room. He seems to have a high radar when I am doing something! Can't read in bed anymore till I get a good torch!!
Aisling
This is so tiring for you, and frightening too. There comes a point when you really have to think "what next", and "what more am I capable of coping with". When and if we reach that point, we hate ourselves for it, hate the disease, suffocate with guilt and sob for the lives we have lost - theirs and ours.
My point came when I couldn't even have a wee without taking John with me, and his double incontinence, coupled with frequent verbal, and sometimes physical violence, plus the millionth-time repeated questions, and lack of sleep, was too much. I needed a much postponed knee operation and after 12 years, I had nothing left to give.
I admire enormously, those in a similar position who can carry on, but I couldn't. Did I feel guilty at the time? You bet. Looking back, do I feel guilty now? No. I'm sad that John died just a few months later, and it couldn't have been at home, with me cuddling him, and telling him I loved him.
But I tell him that all the time now, and I know he hears me, and knows who I am, whereas he didn't when he was alive.. Because there's no Alzheimer's in heaven. Take care xxx
My point came when I couldn't even have a wee without taking John with me, and his double incontinence, coupled with frequent verbal, and sometimes physical violence, plus the millionth-time repeated questions, and lack of sleep, was too much. I needed a much postponed knee operation and after 12 years, I had nothing left to give.
I admire enormously, those in a similar position who can carry on, but I couldn't. Did I feel guilty at the time? You bet. Looking back, do I feel guilty now? No. I'm sad that John died just a few months later, and it couldn't have been at home, with me cuddling him, and telling him I loved him.
But I tell him that all the time now, and I know he hears me, and knows who I am, whereas he didn't when he was alive.. Because there's no Alzheimer's in heaven. Take care xxx
I used a Kindle with a booklight. No rustling pages, and the tiny light is only on what you are reading, so doesn't disturb anyone else.
It kind of sounds like the seroquel isn't working as well as could be hoped. William was tried on that first, along with his other stuff, but it didn't work for him. Can't remember what else was tried, but eventually he was put on risperidone, which worked really well. It is sort of a "last resort " though for elderly people with dementia, as it does carry risks of severe side effects. However, not everyone suffers side effects. Thankfully, William didn't. He was on it for four years. So maybe, urgently discuss meds with the doctors.
Do bear in mind what I said before about the time scale when/if you apply for the "fair deal " - there is nothing in place to hurry that process along if things escalate. How long the release of the funding takes would depend on various factors, like when the next batch of funds were being released, and how many were in front of you on the National list, and then how many were ahead of you on the list for your area.
I remember reading, with horror, the hoops you had to jump through, LadyA. Your system is worse than ours, and that's bad enough. You dealt with everything with great dignity. Blessings.
Thank you Scarlett. With me it's the lack of sleep and constant attention. If someone comes in T is all smiles, also if we meet someone in town. Then it is back to wanting to go home, constantly sighing deeply, depression and looks at me like daggers drawn. And then the constant walking around downstairs. I have mop upstairs and downstairs to clean up the many accidents. I need regular respite care and some help with Daily personal care. I can barely keep the meals and essentials done. I feel such a failure. Family don't seem to realise how difficult things are for me and T.
Such a lovely kind caring man gone from me. He always liked going to church services but am too exhausted to take him now. I take him at quiet times during the day and he is happy with that.
Lots of love
Aisling xxxxxxx
Oh, Aisling, it's so heartbreaking when you look back to the person your loved one used to be isn't it. Your life at the moment sounds horribly difficult, and you are probably still struggling with the after effects of flu. I do hope you can get whatever help would be most suitable for you both. Thinking of you and sending a big hug.
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Oh Aisling , so hard when you can't get any space. Dad has his own room , has done for yrs when started sleeping in spare rm as had been watching tv in there, just a sofa bed and as things progressed got mum to change to his bedroom and get a bed in there.
At least she currently gets some peace at night but starts again the next morning .
Sending you some strength for today xxx
At least she currently gets some peace at night but starts again the next morning .
Sending you some strength for today xxx
I think I have learnt that the 'smiling and happy Joseph' that he is with friends and relatives is who he wants to be with them. Whereas with me, well I'm the one to whom he dare show his distress. I feel like he is teaching me how bad it is for him, and how he wants me to behave with me. He is, for instance, showing me that he can no longer manage his meds alone, and that this really upsets him. So he asks for help, but at the same time resents having to ask for help. So he has to resent me.... No help to you, I know; just an observation.
Aisling and Tim and all, I pray for you....
Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
Aisling and Tim and all, I pray for you....
Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
T needs help with almost everything now. He loves his food but sometimes eats it standing up as he won't sit down for me. I don't argue and try to stay calm all the time! My nerves are shot at this stage. He put my glasses on this morning and refuses to give them back to me. Start of another day!!
Aisling
