Agression and face 'collapsing'

[valmo]

Mum is 95 and has vascular and alzheimer diagnosis. Sometimes when I visit I can see her whole face has changed, difficult to explain and she is verbally and physically aggressive. I try and ignore and reassure her all is ok in a very calm manner. What is the best to do? Leave or stay and take the abuse.

I have a theory that when this happens there is something going on in her brain, maybe a small bleed, but some sort of activity relative to her dementia. Mum is in a special dementia nursing care home.

 

[Quilty]

If this was me, I would talk to the nursing staff and see what they think. You might make her behaviour worse, or they may have some way of turning her a little eg some music?

Its very hard. Some days when I visit my Mum is horrible and I have to force myself not to react to what she is saying to me. She knows the buttons to press even with dementia as she has had years to hone it and she made the buttons! Other times she is so frail and lost I could cry for her.

For me - you might feel differently - I try to stick with it. If I am struggling god only knows how she is feeling. We can all only do our best. Only you can decide what that is for you. No-one here would judge you no matter what you decide to do.
Love
Quilty

 

[stanleypj]

If you haven't already talked to the nursing staff it would make sense to do so. They might have some ideas. It's good that you've picked up on this as it may be significant and it's possible that something could be done to lessen any risks involved.

 

[valmo]

If this was me, I would talk to the nursing staff and see what they think. You might make her behaviour worse, or they may have some way of turning her a little eg some music?

Its very hard. Some days when I visit my Mum is horrible and I have to force myself not to react to what she is saying to me. She knows the buttons to press even with dementia as she has had years to hone it and she made the buttons! Other times she is so frail and lost I could cry for her.

For me - you might feel differently - I try to stick with it. If I am struggling god only knows how she is feeling. We can all only do our best. Only you can decide what that is for you. No-one here would judge you no matter what you decide to do.
Love
Quilty

Thanks. Your second paragraph sounds so familiar to me. Mum has always spoken too me in this way. The only thing is she has been the same to my siblings who have not experienced it in the past. Have spoken to staff they try and distract her. I cant do this she wont be distracted and ends up hitting me!

 

[valmo]

If I didnt know her i would not recognise her! I am just about to go and visit, I will aske about UTI. I have asked before and they do test on a reular basis, they say. UTIs do very strange things and of course is very common in older people. Thanks.

 

[valmo]

If I didnt know her i would not recognise her! I am just about to go and visit, I will aske about UTI. I have asked before and they do test on a reular basis, they say. UTIs do very strange things and of course is very common in older people. Thanks.

Mum was totally different yesterday. Smiling, joking and very pleasant. Face looking 'normal'

 

[valmo]

If you haven't already talked to the nursing staff it would make sense to do so. They might have some ideas. It's good that you've picked up on this as it may be significant and it's possible that something could be done to lessen any risks involved.

Thanks, have done but they seem to do any different to what I do. Have had a look at your interesting blog.

 

[stanleypj]

Thanks valmo.

 

[valmo]

agression

Mum was totally different yesterday. Smiling, joking and very pleasant. Face looking 'normal'

The next visit was awful. Not only was Mum being verbally and physically aggressive with me she was all smiles and sweetness with the staff. Even saying nasty thigs about me to the staff. I left after 20 mins and not been back for a week. I plan to go tomorrow but am dreading it.

 

[canary]

Im sorry about that valmo, but I think you made the right decision.
Staple a bright smile on your face and breeze in brightly. Watch your body language as PWD are very good at picking up negative body language.
Just because you had a bad visit last time doesnt necessarily mean you will have a bad one this time. With dementia "ya nevva know watcha gonna get"!