What makes my mom think she owns the nh she is in? She tells people are trying to kill her and gets beat up at night. Said she wants to die and cares about nothing. Told me it didn't matter if I came up or not. Says place is evil. Does not eat, wants no lifesaving measures feeding tube, Dnr, no I've fluids. What makes the mind think these things? She is antisocial now,mean,swears as she has never done.
It is so very hard not to take their anger and aggression personally, especially when they tell us we annoy them or worse.
Your mother sounds like she is in a phase where aggression is the only way she knows how to express herself. When my sweet-natured dad got vascular dementia, he was forgetful at first and then developed sundown syndrome and didn't sleep for days and days. Like your mum, he finally fell, and all hell broke loose in his brain. I'm very sorry you are having to go through this, especially given what I understand to be your own very real health concerns.
There is not much you can do for your mother now, as hard as that sounds. Now that she is in a care home, you take some time for yourself to heal from your own surgery and to clean out her place. Visiting twice a day, when all you see is aggression, is probably not helpful for you, nor even for her. Perhaps the care staff can apprise you when are her "best" times, and then you can arrange to visit her then.
My heart goes out to you. My father was like this, and it just broke us all up to see him like that.