Dad has dementia, but mum seems to be the worst patient

[jonhants]

My dad has vascular dementia and is currently in hospital after a fall. Hopefully he should be home next week, and i'm arranging a care package for him.
However, my mum at the moment is the one who is causing me more concerns than dad. Her personality has changed over the last year or two, she doesn't seem to have empathy any more, she can't come to terms with dad's condition and is always thinking of herself. I know she's stressed and anxious because of dad, but she has become so 'selfish'. She exaggerates things and even lies about her behavior. I arranged for a home assessment earlier this week, and when the nurse came she wasn't honest with her answers to the questions the nurse asked. I arranged this assessment after going to see my GP recently, he should now send a letter asking to see her, which i hope will make mum go to the surgery. She has osteoporosis which she has medication for and a thyroid problem, and also has medication for this. Mum won't got to the GP for a consultation, i think she knows somethings wrong with her, but won't admit it. She also makes a clicking noise with her mouth when watching tv and makes strange noises when going about day to day activities. She also has a negative view on nearly everything in the news, on tv, in the paper. I've always been close to her, but it's becoming increasingly difficult to deal with her.
I'm just writing this to see if anyone can advise. Thanks.

 

[theunknown]

No advice Jon, sorry. It does sound as if your mum is exhibiting anti-social behaviour, but whether this is normal for her, or a big change in her behaviour, is something that is probably very difficult to determine. You may be the best person to decide, and perhaps you need to follow your instincts. At the same time, you need to accept that you can't take on the responsibility for diagnosing any medical problems.

 

[Bika77]

My dad has vascular dementia and is currently in hospital after a fall. Hopefully he should be home next week, and i'm arranging a care package for him.
However, my mum at the moment is the one who is causing me more concerns than dad. Her personality has changed over the last year or two, she doesn't seem to have empathy any more, she can't come to terms with dad's condition and is always thinking of herself. I know she's stressed and anxious because of dad, but she has become so 'selfish'. She exaggerates things and even lies about her behavior. I arranged for a home assessment earlier this week, and when the nurse came she wasn't honest with her answers to the questions the nurse asked. I arranged this assessment after going to see my GP recently, he should now send a letter asking to see her, which i hope will make mum go to the surgery. She has osteoporosis which she has medication for and a thyroid problem, and also has medication for this. Mum won't got to the GP for a consultation, i think she knows somethings wrong with her, but won't admit it. She also makes a clicking noise with her mouth when watching tv and makes strange noises when going about day to day activities. She also has a negative view on nearly everything in the news, on tv, in the paper. I've always been close to her, but it's becoming increasingly difficult to deal with her.
I'm just writing this to see if anyone can advise. Thanks.

My mum is kind of like this too. It's my dad that has dementia but she's always making it about her. How she's coping, the problems she comes up against, how her life is difficult now. Although she often feels guilty when she looses her temper at dad. From the sounds of it your mum may be experiencing something different perhaps. It's a shame she won't seek help. Perhaps she's scared.

 

[susy]

Maybe she is depressed or she maybe has something else going on. I would try to get her assessed by her GP but let the GP know what is going on beforehand so they can direct their diagnosis more easily.