Comforting To Hear From You
Thank you for your words of comfort and support - they are so helpful and reassuring.
I really don't feel very strong at times, I just keep very busy and try not to think about the future.
I suggested Skype to my MOH when he first went away but he said that he wouldn't be able to stand seeing me but not be with me and so that has never happened. To be honest I don't know whether it would be possible to arrange given all the equipment he seems to have in his room - it's irrelevant anyway. I'm just thankful that he is still able to phone or text reasonably regularly. I still don't know how long it will be before his dementia reaches a stage when he won't remember to call me. He was given 18 months when he first went out there but that may have changed given all the medication he has had - I just don't know and I don't think they know either. Once it reaches this point they will look after him for as long as he needs to be looked after. It is so hard for me to think that somebody else will be caring for him at the end and not me - it is all so wrong.
EMac asks me what I want - I want the impossible, I want him home. I want to wake up and find that I am just having the most awful dream and to find him asleep next to me and lie and watch him sleeping like I used to - I would do anything for just 1 more night like that.
I feel that I should be grateful that he's spared me the grief of watching him slowly leave me but I really don't - I think that if I had that, I could come to terms with things better. The "normality" of our discussions and texting makes it all the harder to understand why he isn't here with me. Does that make sense?
It sounds like I'm moaning and I don't mean to, I just feel helpless and angry that this has happened. I do feel isolated at times because people don't know what to say to me because my situation is so extreme and different but I totally understand their predicament - I'm sure I would be the same. At least I have my TP friends to whinge to and poor out my thoughts occasionally - what would I do without you all?
Love and many thanks. Have a good Christmas
Thank you for your words of comfort and support - they are so helpful and reassuring.
I really don't feel very strong at times, I just keep very busy and try not to think about the future.
I suggested Skype to my MOH when he first went away but he said that he wouldn't be able to stand seeing me but not be with me and so that has never happened. To be honest I don't know whether it would be possible to arrange given all the equipment he seems to have in his room - it's irrelevant anyway. I'm just thankful that he is still able to phone or text reasonably regularly. I still don't know how long it will be before his dementia reaches a stage when he won't remember to call me. He was given 18 months when he first went out there but that may have changed given all the medication he has had - I just don't know and I don't think they know either. Once it reaches this point they will look after him for as long as he needs to be looked after. It is so hard for me to think that somebody else will be caring for him at the end and not me - it is all so wrong.
EMac asks me what I want - I want the impossible, I want him home. I want to wake up and find that I am just having the most awful dream and to find him asleep next to me and lie and watch him sleeping like I used to - I would do anything for just 1 more night like that.
I feel that I should be grateful that he's spared me the grief of watching him slowly leave me but I really don't - I think that if I had that, I could come to terms with things better. The "normality" of our discussions and texting makes it all the harder to understand why he isn't here with me. Does that make sense?
It sounds like I'm moaning and I don't mean to, I just feel helpless and angry that this has happened. I do feel isolated at times because people don't know what to say to me because my situation is so extreme and different but I totally understand their predicament - I'm sure I would be the same. At least I have my TP friends to whinge to and poor out my thoughts occasionally - what would I do without you all?
Love and many thanks. Have a good Christmas