This is very difficult for you
We are still awaiting an official diagnosis but my mum isn't my mum however I feel like I am the only one who sees this. Since coming home form hospital 5 weeks ago she has changed so much. She is quite capable of doing things but won't....she doesn' eat but tells people she does, she is fixated on her bowels and constantly says she cant eat because food goes straight through her or she has diarrhea so can't eat, she tells SS that she eats every couple of hours because she is so hungry but we ll know she hasn't eaten anything, she hasn't brushed her teeth once since being home, yet when the care manager or OT are there she puts on such an amazing act. She always had sunday lunch out with myself and her grandsons but won't come out anymore saying she will once her bowels are better...........She has turned against me saying I am trying to put her in a home when I am actually the one trying desperately to get the right care to keep her in her own home.....she won't answer the phone anymore when people call yet was able to make a call last week to her solicitor saying I was keeping her prisoner in her own home and wanted to put her away......my brother is currently over from Texas and he knows it is not her but keeps implying she will get better.........I feel like I am going mad and I am the only on who recognises what is happening.....it is as if she has been rebooted!!! Aaarrgghh I feel like I am already grieving for my lovely mum........
My dear, this behaviour you're seeing in your mother is all due to her dementia. Your brother is wrong and is obviously in denial.
Your mother is doing her best. Try to hold on to that notion. People with dementia genuinely believe what they say to other people, because they can't actually remember what has really happened.
Your mum is afraid to go out. This is normal in most people with dementia, so don't make her go out. Try your best NOT to ask questions - imagine if you had no memory and people kept asking you things - you'd soon be very angry and upset.
When you're not there, she manages to work out that her solicitor might be able to help her, so she decides to phone her/him.
Answering the phone? No way! People on the other end will ASK QUESTIONS and your mum knows that she won't be able to answer, so she avoids it. In any case, it might be YOU, checking up on her...........
The reality of dementia and how it affects people comes as a shock to people as they watch their loved ones suddenly change. It isn't just memory loss - it is BRAIN FAILURE. Your mum can't remember whether she ate or not - so she tells you and others that she has, because she knows that's the answer you want to hear. You're wasting your time even asking. A better idea is to arrive, cook something and say "I've made this - I wondered if you'd like some?" If she's hungry, she'll eat. If she's angry with you, she'll tell you she's already eaten. so all you do is leave her portion on the table and calmly eat yours. When she realises that you're not challenging her, she will probably approach the table and join you. When she does, don't comment. She's now in a chaotic world which makes no sense to her whatsoever.
My thoughts are that you need a 24 hour carer for her. Also, go to youtube and look at Teepa Snow's videos on dementia. And read Knickers in the Fridge by Jane Grierson to get an idea of how Jane helped her mother, who had dementia.
I wouldn't bother arguing with your brother, either. When the diagnosis comes, just let him know. And stay in touch with us here because we know where you're coming from, darling.