Husband recently diagnosed with dementia

[jannie19]

trying to be patient

I feel for you as my husband was diagnosed a year ago with dementia. Like you I am new to all of this and have recently "buried my head in the sand" Yes doctors seem to just shove it off. The comment I got from my gp "you have an interesting time ahead of you"
Gee thanks!

What I would like advice on is how to stay patient and not lose your temper, because frankly, I do and then feel terribly guilty afterwards.

I also feel very guilty when I lose my temper, it's trying to remember that he isn't doing it on purpose. I get very upset as he seems to be quite selfish and doesn't seem to care about my feelings any more, but then I suppose this is all part of the disease. He does make up for it on his good days!

 

[tigerqueen]

If we never got impatient or lost our temper when presented with all these challenges, I'm sure we would have been made Saints by now. I know I'm not one.....

 

[Casbow]

tigerqueen

If we never got impatient or lost our temper when presented with all these challenges, I'm sure we would have been made Saints by now. I know I'm not one.....

Well I know I,m not a saint but I do try very hard. Most of the time I stay calm and pleasant. But then it all goes wrong and I hear myself saying all the wrong things. He can then get angry and I know I have to back off or he will be angry and in a state for ages.To make it harder I love him and feel so sad that it has come to this after 50 years of marriage. I watch him continually trying to escape out of the side gate that
is padlocked to keep him safe in the garden and feel so bad about having to keep it locked.x

 

[tigerqueen]

casbow

I know exactly what you mean. It's all so very sad. Big hugs to you xx

 

[malcolmpr]

clinical trial

Hi I would be interested

hi kazb
I take it you would be interested in taking part in the trials if so let me know and I will give you some contact detail
malcolm

 

[sueh55]

husband recently been diagnosed with alzheimers

hi my husband was diagnosed with ad in may I would say 8 out of 10 he is ok but the other 2 tlmes he is very forgetfull all his appointments seem to be taking for ever and I get very frustrated waiting so long for them I keep phoning and get told yes its in the post but still waiting am I being to impatient xx

 

[Trisha4]

I get frustrated, angry, cross and could scream when I have said the same thing 20 times over. I also feel very guilty when I have lost my temper. And, worst of all it makes husband worse not better so nothing gained. It's part of AD sadly.
However we also have good times we enjoy and we still have things we can do together. And husband is much better at those times. I try to think about the good times but we are only human. Hugs from me


Sent from my iPad using Talking Point

 

[sueh55]

husband recently been diagnosed with alzheimers

hi trisha4 me and my hubby have some good times were we get on really well but then some days he seems in a strange mood and when I ask him whats wrong he keeps saying theres nothing wrong and then he just has a very nasty tone in his voice then the next day he seems very forgetfull but I feel very angry and frustrated then I feel guilty

 

[mobton]

Same boat

I feel for you as my husband was diagnosed a year ago with dementia. Like you I am new to all of this and have recently "buried my head in the sand" Yes doctors seem to just shove it off. The comment I got from my gp "you have an interesting time ahead of you"
Gee thanks!

What I would like advice on is how to stay patient and not lose your temper, because frankly, I do and then feel terribly guilty afterwards.

My husband was diagnosed only yesterday. Part of me feels calmer as a result as now know its that has caused his behaviour issues as well as his forgetfulness but I also feel very scared for what the future might hold.

I would be interested in any tips as to how to stay patient- it has never been a strong point of mine!

 

[canary]

Ive posted this link before, but its so helpful so I shall post it again. Compassionate Communication is a very useful tool to help keep people with dementia calm. The more calm and less anxious they are the easier it is for us carers

http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/show...ionate-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired

 

[Trisha4]

Ive posted this link before, but its so helpful so I shall post it again. Compassionate Communication is a very useful tool to help keep people with dementia calm. The more calm and less anxious they are the easier it is for us carers

http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/show...ionate-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired

Thanks Canary. Makes total sense but (or nevertheless) it's not always easy to remember. I guess it's harder too when your loved one can still reason some of the time. So sometimes a rational conversation is possible and sometimes much more difficult. And sometimes I'm snappy and unreasonable.
And, of course, my inappropriate responses make him worse so a spiral downwards. It helps to be reminded. It also reminds us that we all face the same frustrations. It's not our loved one's fault.


Sent from my iPad using Talking Point

 

[gerrytt]

Hi Jannie19!
Have a look at this book:- "Alzheimer's Disease and Other Dinemtias". The author is Nataly Rubinstein. She's a clinician and was also a caregiver to her mother for about 10 years. Ignore the 4-5 chapters on American health care. The rest of her book is extremely helpful to caregivers. The book is available at most on-line sites and well worth the read!


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point

 

[rhubarbtree]

Hi Sue and everyone on this thread

hi trisha4 me and my hubby have some good times were we get on really well but then some days he seems in a strange mood and when I ask him whats wrong he keeps saying theres nothing wrong and then he just has a very nasty tone in his voice then the next day he seems very forgetfull but I feel very angry and frustrated then I feel guilty

Sue my husband has similar moods. Some days he just starts grumpy and surly. I try many things to amuse or interest but he seems to want an argument and eventually gets one. I'm beginning to think these days are caused by a drop in hormones or seratonim(sp). Given time he gets back to normal and forgets. I don't. Problem is this brings me down and stop me making plans for outings or holidays. So much more to be understood about this disease. We are going through a "losing" things period at the moment. Driving me to distraction. Has just rang from friend's phone to ask if his phone is here. Afraid I'm very mean and will not get drawn into the searches. My beatification is a long way off.

 

[Mal2]

Just wondering if anyone has any connection with someone on the Liraglutide trials.

If they have any info on how they are doing, positive or negative observations .

 

[Owly]

Stress depletes magnesium in your body very quickly, and you need it to stay 'mellow' no matter what the provocation.

They say the easiest way to absorb it is via the skin. You can buy flakes for your bath in the well known health food shop (H&B) and also magnesium oil that you spray on your body and rub in. It's also on the online A....... site.

 

[Casbow]

Medication

Have you noticed any improved signs with your wife on Liraglutide?

I heard of this 2 years ago, my husband is diabetic. I spoke to the dementia clinic doctor who told me my husband could go on it, and still use the Aricept. When I asked my doctor I was told there is no medical evidence it was any help, and wouldn't give it to him, although, all it meant was, he would come off his diabetic meds and have the Liraglutide, which is a diabetic drug already approved.

I was disappointed at her reaction, especially when I had an e-mail from alzh.assoc asking if my husband was in early/med stage, he could go on the trial. How can doctors deny him at least trying it. When I first heard of it, it was by the diabetic assoc, and they said it showed help for people in the later stages. If it does come to anything, he could have had the benefit starting 2 years ago.

The thing that never ceases to amaze me are the different medicines that are apparently out there. I know that every patient is different and therefore the meds need to be suitable to that person, but it is scary for their loved ones and carers to know what is best. I am sorry Ma12 if you and yours have missed a chance to try a medication that could have helped.. lovexxx

 

[Annypurple]

I also feel very guilty when I lose my temper, it's trying to remember that he isn't doing it on purpose. I get very upset as he seems to be quite selfish and doesn't seem to care about my feelings any more, but then I suppose this is all part of the disease. He does make up for it on his good days!

There is nothing like the loneliness felt when my OH treats me without the consideration he used to. No one else sees this. It's like an abuse that has to be borne. I keep (today especially) remembering the quote I've seen others post here (it goes something like this ...." the problem is not their behaviour because they are ill and can't help it, the problem is your reaction to it " so I throw my angry feeling back on myself, bury them, pretend I'm calm and not hurt and this is very stressful! I think people who have not got the experience of caring for someone with dementia have nooooo idea of what we have to cope with.

 

[Annypurple]

My husband was diagnosed with Alzheimers earlier this year, so I am very new to all of this, is there any way of knowing what stage a person is at or knowing when to ask about strange things that happen. I know the local Alzheimers society have groups, but its difficult to get them as I have still been working full time. The professionals just seem to leave you until something serious happens.

Everyone is affected differently although there are some similar patterns - my OH was diagnosed four years ago and in the early days things changed very slowly and only when other people reacted negatively did I realise by how much things had changed after three years. The people I thought would be here to help stepped away. I am helped now by people I've met since or been put in contact with recently. This was a hard lesson. I couldn't rely on those I'd expected .... Not saying this will happen to you, but I would advise you to get In contact with as many services as you can even if it feels premature and even if they are not responding now, keep a list of them. Find out who is out there and what is on offer (for later if not now). Getting LPA is first on the list because the person has to have capacity to understand what they are signing and obviously once this is lost, then you can't get LPA. Social services are required under the Care Act to carry out an assessment of need for both you as carer and the person who has dementia also there are probably a range of voluntary organisations that support people who are carers. I've recently been given some free counselling through the local Mind group for example. I've reached a sort of threshold Of coping that I reckon is probably normal but certainly I need support.

 

[Gwyneth]

Sue my husband has similar moods. Some days he just starts grumpy and surly. I try many things to amuse or interest but he seems to want an argument and eventually gets one. I'm beginning to think these days are caused by a drop in hormones or seratonim(sp). Given time he gets back to normal and forgets. I don't. Problem is this brings me down and stop me making plans for outings or holidays. So much more to be understood about this disease. We are going through a "losing" things period at the moment. Driving me to distraction. Has just rang from friend's phone to ask if his phone is here. Afraid I'm very mean and will not get drawn into the searches. My beatification is a long way off.

You could be describing my husband here down to a T!!! Your description of beatification has made me chuckle!!! I try so many times to bite my tongue and not be snappy or pointed in my impatience over him just having no recall of something five minutes ago but seem to fail miserably quite often! My husband imposes on me constantly like a demanding child -asking same questions over and over, losing things and expecting me to know where they are when he could spot things for himself, being compulsive in behaviours etc. All signs of his memory and thinking/reasoning impairments which I know I should be sympathetic towards. If I am tired then I am more impatient. I am getting better at walking away and not biting back and trying to be generous in ignoring the moods and accusations so maybe one day I might have a bit of a halo shining above me, you never know!!! Got to love them though it I guess!

 

[Trisha4]

My mother used to talk about having the patience of Job. I don't think Job ever encountered dementia!


Sent from my iPad using Talking Point