I'm 14 and need someone hopefully a similar age to talk to.

[NanLorac]

Sophie I am so sorry you are having to deal with this at such a young age.

My granddaughter is 13 and has been a carer for my daughter for a few years now. Her school has a carer group at school and a place near us also has a young carer group for school age children. Hopefully your school can put you in touch with young carers in your area.

People on TP are lovely and you will always find someone to support you here. x

 

[fizzie]

Hi Sophie
Welcome to the forum. Just thought I would drop a line because my son is your age and he doesn't want to talk on here but he is a young carer and he joined our young carers and it really really helped. His dad had cancer and died 18 months ago and grandma had memory loss and he was amazing with both of them and I would have found it difficult to manage without his help but his favourite time of the week was the Young Carers meetings. He was one of the older ones there but they do some really fun things from a few days away at an activity centre, to day visits to places like Harry Potter world or out bowling and for a meal. It is his time to relax and he loves it. They have adults there who are really lovely and set time aside just to be there for them but the aim of the all the events is so that they youngsters have time to enjoy themselves and not worry about Mum or Dad or Grandma or anyone else.
Thought you might like to know that they organisations are all over the country for young people just like you. take care xx

 

[MLM]

Hi Sophie,

I'm a fair bit older than you (I'm mid-20s) but my sister-in-law is 17. She was still in school when my father-in-law was diagnosed with dementia and I always worry about how she is coping as my fiancé doesn't always cope well with it, especially as my FIL doesn't want to talk about his diagnosis and has become very isolated. For him his main difficulty is with language and forgetting words or mixing them up, even recently started saying words that aren't real but are clearly words getting jumbled up in his head to make one whole word) and it is very difficult because sometimes it is impossible to know what he is trying to tell us and then you feel bad when you have to pretend you know what he meant or admit you have no idea. I hate it.

I hope you get some good support at school, especially as the next couple of years are going to be your most important years of education to date and you deserve to do as well as you possibly can. There will always be advice for you on here. I myself found a friend who is a similar age as me and it is just nice to know there is someone else there to message should you need to offload something.

Michelle x


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[SophieAnn]

Hi Sophie
Welcome to the forum. Just thought I would drop a line because my son is your age and he doesn't want to talk on here but he is a young carer and he joined our young carers and it really really helped. His dad had cancer and died 18 months ago and grandma had memory loss and he was amazing with both of them and I would have found it difficult to manage without his help but his favourite time of the week was the Young Carers meetings. He was one of the older ones there but they do some really fun things from a few days away at an activity centre, to day visits to places like Harry Potter world or out bowling and for a meal. It is his time to relax and he loves it. They have adults there who are really lovely and set time aside just to be there for them but the aim of the all the events is so that they youngsters have time to enjoy themselves and not worry about Mum or Dad or Grandma or anyone else.
Thought you might like to know that they organisations are all over the country for young people just like you. take care xx

My mum has tried to contact young carers but they never called back and thank you for the advise it honestly means a lot x


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[SophieAnn]

Sophie I am so sorry you are having to deal with this at such a young age.

My granddaughter is 13 and has been a carer for my daughter for a few years now. Her school has a carer group at school and a place near us also has a young carer group for school age children. Hopefully your school can put you in touch with young carers in your area.

People on TP are lovely and you will always find someone to support you here. x

Thank you I think there are some places near me like that but I don't know where


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[SophieAnn]

Hi Sophie,

I'm a fair bit older than you (I'm mid-20s) but my sister-in-law is 17. She was still in school when my father-in-law was diagnosed with dementia and I always worry about how she is coping as my fiancé doesn't always cope well with it, especially as my FIL doesn't want to talk about his diagnosis and has become very isolated. For him his main difficulty is with language and forgetting words or mixing them up, even recently started saying words that aren't real but are clearly words getting jumbled up in his head to make one whole word) and it is very difficult because sometimes it is impossible to know what he is trying to tell us and then you feel bad when you have to pretend you know what he meant or admit you have no idea. I hate it.

I hope you get some good support at school, especially as the next couple of years are going to be your most important years of education to date and you deserve to do as well as you possibly can. There will always be advice for you on here. I myself found a friend who is a similar age as me and it is just nice to know there is someone else there to message should you need to offload something.

Michelle x


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Thank you Michelle, I think my dads at the point where he is struggling to talk but we're not sure if it is because of the tablets he has, we've also noticed he's struggling to walk and is saying his legs are killing him so we don't really know what's happening. But thank you for your kind words they mean a lot x


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[IzzyA]

Mine too

My Dad has early onset frontotemporal dementia which seems to be progressing rather quickly. If anyone is a similar age to me I would like it if we could talk and support each other?

I know this is a long time after you posted your original post but I'm fourteen and my Dad has frontotemporal dementia too. He was diagnosed about four years ago but it's only in the last few months that I've noticed drastic changes in his behaviour.
I'd love to get in touch with you because, despite being able to talk a bit with my brothers and Mum, I never feel able to bring up with my friends.
Sometimes at school I feel so different and distant from them...
Xxx

 

[Kevinl]

I know this is a long time after you posted your original post but I'm fourteen and my Dad has frontotemporal dementia too. He was diagnosed about four years ago but it's only in the last few months that I've noticed drastic changes in his behaviour.
I'd love to get in touch with you because, despite being able to talk a bit with my brothers and Mum, I never feel able to bring up with my friends.
Sometimes at school I feel so different and distant from them...
Xxx

Hi IzzyA, welcome to TP
I hope you do get to bubby up with SpohieAnn or someone in a similar position.
I found "Sometimes at school I feel so different and distant from them..." applies at any age but at your age it must be a hard thing to deal with. We're all here for you if you want to talk.
K

 

[Cat27]

I know this is a long time after you posted your original post but I'm fourteen and my Dad has frontotemporal dementia too. He was diagnosed about four years ago but it's only in the last few months that I've noticed drastic changes in his behaviour.
I'd love to get in touch with you because, despite being able to talk a bit with my brothers and Mum, I never feel able to bring up with my friends.
Sometimes at school I feel so different and distant from them...
Xxx

Welcome to TP Izzy

Do you have a year head or teacher you could talk to at school? Are school aware of what's happening at home?

 

[BeckyJan]

Hello Izzy,
Its great you have joined and I hope you find TP helpful.

However you may want to look at Babble:

Babble is an online community for young carers. It has been created by Carers Trust as an online space where those aged under 18 who are caring for a family member or friend can chat, share their experiences and access information and advice.

The site aims to bring together young carers from across the UK in an online space which is safe, fun and supportive. The online team are on hand to answer any questions, and to offer support and advice via email or one-to-one webchats.

Website: https://babble.carers.org/

If you do check it out it would be good to hear how helpful it is to you.

Best wishes

 

[Izzy]

Hi Izzy.

Welcome from me too. Jan just beat me to it. I was about to recommend the babble site as well.

I'm having to do a double-take when j see your user name as I think the messages are for me!

I hope you have someone at school to talk to and go to if things get on top of you.

Take care.

From your namesake - Izzy!

 

[IzzyA]

Thanks everyone. I'll have a look at Babble although I don't feel I can qualify myself as a young carer because I have my Mum and brothers.
My headteacher asked if anything was wrong one day and if there was anything he could do but I just didn't know how to explain. I told him something was wrong but I didn't think there was anything he could do. I kind of wish I had just told him now but I don't know how to bring it up with any teachers...
Last week my Dad was having a bit of tantrum and this meant I could not complete a piece of homework. Even then I told the teacher there was no good reason why I had not completed it because for some reason I decided facing the consequences would be easier than explaining.
The main problem is I'm not sleeping and this has a knock on effect. Any advice on the sleeping front? Xx

 

[Shedrech]

Hi IzzyA
I was a teacher and had a form each year - I hoped that the pupils in my form would be able to come to me and tell me anything that was worrying them - or making them happy - and always listened. Or if they felt I wasn't the right person, some found talking to their year head or a favourite teacher really helped.
So please, next week just sidle up to whichever member of staff you feel it will be easiest to talk to (your head has already signalled his concern so I'm sure he will be relieved to have you talk to him). They may not be able to give you time there and then, so ask to meet up at break or lunchtime.
The person you talk to can then pass on information to all your teachers - not to single you out but to know that you may need a bit more time with tasks or some help sometimes out of lesson time.
If you're not sure what to say aloud, write a letter and put in all you want to say - trust me it will be read with care and you will be listened to. I know the staff in school can seem odd and old and even scary but we're just human and we want the very best for our pupils. Give one of them a chance to help - make their day!
I wonder if sharing your thoughts will help with the sleeping too?

 

[stanleypj]

I was also a teacher Izzy. Shedrech's advice is very good. I think you'll feel quite a bit better once you've told someone at school.

 

[Cat27]

Thanks everyone. I'll have a look at Babble although I don't feel I can qualify myself as a young carer because I have my Mum and brothers.
My headteacher asked if anything was wrong one day and if there was anything he could do but I just didn't know how to explain. I told him something was wrong but I didn't think there was anything he could do. I kind of wish I had just told him now but I don't know how to bring it up with any teachers...
Last week my Dad was having a bit of tantrum and this meant I could not complete a piece of homework. Even then I told the teacher there was no good reason why I had not completed it because for some reason I decided facing the consequences would be easier than explaining.
The main problem is I'm not sleeping and this has a knock on effect. Any advice on the sleeping front? Xx

I'm glad you are keeping posting. We will support you.
Re the sleeping have you tried relaxation exercises or listening to relaxation tapes?

 

[Izzy]

Hi again Izzy.

I was a primary school headteacher so I suppose the situation is a little different. I would have hoped for the pupil's mum to come and see me about it. I would have arranged a chat with myself and the classteacher. In secondary here it would be the Pupil Care and Support Department who would make sure those staff the pupil worked with were aware of the situation. It might be hard for your mum but do you think she would have a chat with your head or year (sorry I'm not so familiar with the role titles in England!)? I think it would be good for you to know you could go and talk to a specific person and not have to explain the background.

 

[IzzyA]

Hi again Izzy.

I was a primary school headteacher so I suppose the situation is a little different. I would have hoped for the pupil's mum to come and see me about it. I would have arranged a chat with myself and the classteacher. In secondary here it would be the Pupil Care and Support Department who would make sure those staff the pupil worked with were aware of the situation. It might be hard for your mum but do you think she would have a chat with your head or year (sorry I'm not so familiar with the role titles in England!)? I think it would be good for you to know you could go and talk to a specific person and not have to explain the background.

As silly as this sounds, I don't know how to!
I decided I would talk to my head today and I was approaching him when my pretty much favourite teacher stopped to talk to me. He too asked me if something was wrong and that would have been an ideal time to tell someone but I just panicked.
Will telling someone at school really help? I'm writing this at school and literally shaking and out of breath . It must be affecting me a bit because that's two teachers now that have noticed but there's nothing they can actually do about it. I thinks it must just be the tiredness.
I'm aware this doesn't make much sense but I don't know what do. Or what anyone else can do...

 

[2jays]

See this hand? It's mine and when you've got hold of my hand.... I will be holding yours very tight whilst you take a deep breath, and go and see either your favourite teacher or your head

Let me know when your hand goes blue through lack a blood.... I won't let go, but might relax the very tight holding of it




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[Cat27]

As silly as this sounds, I don't know how to!
I decided I would talk to my head today and I was approaching him when my pretty much favourite teacher stopped to talk to me. He too asked me if something was wrong and that would have been an ideal time to tell someone but I just panicked.
Will telling someone at school really help? I'm writing this at school and literally shaking and out of breath . It must be affecting me a bit because that's two teachers now that have noticed but there's nothing they can actually do about it. I thinks it must just be the tiredness.
I'm aware this doesn't make much sense but I don't know what do. Or what anyone else can do...

It will help to tell someone. They can help you & support you.

 

[Shedrech]

Hi again IzzyA
I'm so glad you are continuing to post.
Nothing you write here will sound silly and you make perfect sense - you are obviously a caring thoughtful person - just sometimes it's tricky for anyone to find the words to open a conversation face to face.
A suggestion - get yourself to a computer and cut and paste your posts to TP onto a word doc with your name on it (and our responses too if you like) - print it out, fold it and staple or selotape it closed - then ask a member of staff to leave it in your favourite teacher's pigeon hole in the staff room (it's where all the notices and messages for your teachers go each day - you probably already know that). No-one else will read it before putting it in. OR if your school has an e-mail system, just send as an e-mail attachment.
Your teacher will then have a good idea what you want to chat about and will come find you. He won't make a fuss, he just wants to help.
This way you won't have to start the conversation.
Will it help to talk to your favourite teacher - you bet it will. Can he solve the situation, to be honest, no: he can't magic away your dad's symptoms, no-one can. But he WILL be able to support you. You've come here and discovered people do very much care how you are and reply to you - your teacher and your head clearly care too, give them the chance you gave us, please.