So unhappy

[Kjn]

Do you have family , a friend , a neighbour who could come and sit with him for an hour at least to give you a break ?
As chugs says do speak to your GP, you need help also not just your husband , we all understand here and understand how hard it is to get the medications right and how hard it is for carers. X

 

[truth24]

Echoing the thoughts of others. I know you probably don't want to consider it, none of us do, but is it perhaps time to look into residential accommodation? Particularly if toilet issues are now becoming an issue. I don't mean to upset you but I too cared for my OH for many years and hated to face the fact that I could no longer provide him with the care he needed. I was fortunate in that he was able to go, reluctantly, to a specialized day centre for one day a week and a Crossroads sitter came in for 2 hours on one day a week. Could have had more but as we were self funding at that time, we had to pay full rates and could not afford more despite receiving attendance allowance. Like most of us, I became very isolated and had to give up all social activities. The only thing that got me through without carers breakdown were counselling sessions arranged by Crossroads as part of their carers assessment and antidepressants from a very understanding GP. Sorry, didn't mean to make this about me. Just trying to make suggestions that might help.

 

[patsy56]

hello everyone, sorry not been on for a while, hello Casbow........yes I too know what it is like to be lonely. I do however work part time, 10-3 but I still whwn I come home it's carer time. Although I started here with mater , it now seems that OH although he has Parkinson's, is going down the dementia route now. I don't talk much as it is a strain for him talking, and yes feel I'm getting the dementia too, but I think it is lack of conversation.....out time, mixing with people and generally interacting.

I hope we can help you, there is always someone with the knowledge.

 

[Casbow]

Unhappy

Take this last post Casbow. Print it out and take it to your GP. You must get help now. It sounds as if you're on the brink of carer breakdown. I can hear your desperation. You must get help, my dear. Please, do it for me, xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thankyou to everyone.Today we had an appointment at the mental health hospital . The doctors first words were 'what can we do for you.' My answer. 'We got a phone call asking us to come here.' I thought they had called us in to help and then found out that it was just to see how he was doing on diazepam. To cut a long story short we have been offered different medication, just one tablet a day at night. Then I am asked if I want to try it. Well actually I don't want him to have to take any kind of 'calm you down pill' but there doesn't appear to be anything else they can do. So tonight i will give him the first tablet and hope that he doesn't become a dribbling zombie that can't keep awake. Having been through this with my mum I am very worried about the tablets. But how will I know if I don't try. My mum had different tablets but for the same sort of reason. My lovely kind husband. It is so sad.

 

[Essie]

Oh Casbow, I'm so sorry the appointment wasn't what you had hoped for but maybe the new pills will work for your husband and help him. I can appreciate you don't want your husband to be over medicated but the level of agitation and distress he is experiencing isn't good for either of you.

You still need to address how unhappy you are though - as has been said already go and see your GP, tell him/her how bad things are, just as you have here to us - your GP can help but they won't know how it really is for you and your husband unless you tell them....

 

[Casbow]

Unhappy

Oh Casbow, I'm so sorry the appointment wasn't what you had hoped for but maybe the new pills will work for your husband and help him. I can appreciate you don't want your husband to be over medicated but the level of agitation and distress he is experiencing isn't good for either of you.

You still need to address how unhappy you are though - as has been said already go and see your GP, tell him/her how bad things are, just as you have here to us - your GP can help but they won't know how it really is for you and your husband unless you tell them....

He has now had 1 pill at bedtime for 3 nights. After the first night he slept pretty much for 24 hours with me having to wake him up for meals and drink.He then would go back to sleep again. I phoned the doctor and she said to keep going as it was to soon to tell. That the tablets would get into his system and should be o.k. Gave him pill on the second night and he was up and about 4 times in the night. In the morning he acted like a drunken person and then settled down after breakfast and went to sleep. OK for a while and then in the afternoon became so agitated and difficult that I phoned a helpline.They said to carry on with the next tablet and gave me another number to ring if things got worse. Last night was ok but he is still asleep. So now waiting to see what happens next. Beginning to wish I hadn't started these tablets. Can't leave the house at the moment.

 

[Chuggalug]

Don't like the sound of any of this, Casbow. The last thing you need right now is to be overwhelmed with 'numbers to ring'; although, never forget that people who work in hospital have to do the same thing; getting in touch with whatever departments, inside and outside the hospitals to get help/advice for their patients. I guess, really, now I'm a bit further down the line with all this, I see that things aren't really that much different for us, except we have no medical backup like the professionals do.

Don't be fobbed off. Call for help when needed, as often as needed.

 

[pamann]

Hello casbow what is your hubby taking? My hubby took Zoplicone a year ago he stopped taking it as he was like a zombie for 3 weeks, Dr said it would ware off but it didn't, he is taking it now but seems to be ok.

 

[Dottys Mam]

Hope this helps...

I am sorry that you are so unhappy and I sympathise with you 100%. It sounds like your husband is affected in very similar ways to mine. The way I cope is to try to carry on life as normally as possible. I know that is not easy but I think it is important to pop to the shops, walk the dog, chat to passing people etc just to get outside input rather than be 4 walls and just the two of you. I have recently started sending my husband to a day centre on one day a week and the staff there are brilliant they are used to dealing with people with all sorts of problems like pacing about etc. If possible you should try to find something like that which would give you a few hours a week to unwind, get your hair done, relax or see friends. Good luck anyway, remember you are not alone!

I do not know how to feel happy any more. My husbands dementia is so bad now and I feel so lonely. There is no life anymore. Just to get through each day is all I do. There is no conversation, no interest in anything, he paces about in and out of the house usually for about 3 hours in the afternoon. He moves things about and I spend half my time looking for missing items. Hearing aid has been missing for 3 weeks so now he can 't hear me unless I raise my voice but there is no point in bothering to do that as he has no interest in anything I say. We go to Singing for the brain which is for 1 and a half hours once a fortnight and this is probably the only time I feel a bit happy. I am such a misery that its no wonder I don't see much of my friends and relatives. What do other carers do to keep happy.? My husband by the way has been diognosed for 7 years so is really quite bad now. Sorry to moan so much.

 

[Casbow]

Hello casbow what is your hubby taking? My hubby took Zoplicone a year ago he stopped taking it as he was like a zombie for 3 weeks, Dr said it would ware off but it didn't, he is taking it now but seems to be ok.

He has been having Mirtazapine for 5 days but to me it seems like 5 weeks.Yesterday the doctor left me a prescription for a lower dose but I am not sure if it will work. They keep saying once it gets in his system it will be ok. 2 to 3 weeks! He cannot speak when he wakes up and he only wakes up when I help him to. He can barely stand or walk unaided for about 15 minutes. He is eating and drinking but then goes to sleep again. Then the sundowning starts after lunch and goes on for 4 hours or more. He is in and out going up the road and now he goes a bit further everyday. I am fed up of going out to get him back. Eventually I lock the doors and keep him in. To tired to do it anymore and finding difficult to keep my patience. His blames the 'other people'. They tell him what to do and he has to to it. The tablets haven.t made it better and now there are other symptoms. Oh ,and he wet himself twice yesterday. I think he is so zonked out he can't think quick enough to go to the bathroom. My poor husband.

 

[pamann]

Hello casbow, it does take 2 or 3wks to get into the system, my hubby is now taking Sertraline, and Memantine, one is anti-depresent the other for aggression, when he started taking them he was like a zombie falling asleep all the time, and wetting, he is alot better now, still wets at night wares incontinent pants. Without these drugs l would not be able to manage my hubby, l haven't heard of the tablet your hubby is taking, l maybe wrong but anything that ends diazpan is anti-depresant. It is so upsetting for us to see our husbands suffering with this awful disease. Thinking of you

 

[Casbow]

I am sorry that you are so unhappy and I sympathise with you 100%. It sounds like your husband is affected in very similar ways to mine. The way I cope is to try to carry on life as normally as possible. I know that is not easy but I think it is important to pop to the shops, walk the dog, chat to passing people etc just to get outside input rather than be 4 walls and just the two of you. I have recently started sending my husband to a day centre on one day a week and the staff there are brilliant they are used to dealing with people with all sorts of problems like pacing about etc. If possible you should try to find something like that which would give you a few hours a week to unwind, get your hair done, relax or see friends. Good luck anyway, remember you are not alone!

The last few weeks it has become to difficult to try to carry on as normal. We have no shops unless we get in the car and drive there. So we can 't have a walk out to the shops. We lost our precious dog 6 weeks ago and try to go for a walk on our own but there is no motivation.I am still trying to find a day centre that will take him for a few hours once a week. The 2 we have tried would not keep him. Said he was to disruptive. On top of this he has become so difficult we have been given pills that are supposed to make him calmer. So far it has the opposite effect. All in all I am struggling to keep going. But I do appreciate people's ideas and efforts to help. I have been in touch with social services with a view to another assessment. Maybe there is a day centre that will take him for a few hours.

 

[pamann]

Hello casbow so sorry you have lost you precious dog, would you consider having another dog, l have thought about having another one, as l do miss not having a dog, l know they are a commitment, but they give you so much pleasure, might help hubby another interest for you both. Just a thought☺

 

[Pauliemenee]

Should I bring him home?

Up until 7 weeks ago we coped quite well with my husbands dementia and lead a fairly normal but pretty exhausting life. I was getting very tired and upset, but now everything has changed.
The man I employed as a part time carer took husband and best friend on an outing, fell asleep at the wheel, turned car over 3 times, crashed down into a ditch, best friend killed and husband badly injured. He is now in a nursing home, slowly recovering physically but dementia much worse. Also had severe concussion. He keeps begging me to take him home. My son, Dr, care home chief nurse, friends all say NO. I am terribly distressed to leave him there so upset, but know in reality I couldn't care for him at home. He could have daily respite care, but I think this would be the worst option. What should I do?

 

[patsy56]

Up until 7 weeks ago we coped quite well with my husbands dementia and lead a fairly normal but pretty exhausting life. I was getting very tired and upset, but now everything has changed.
The man I employed as a part time carer took husband and best friend on an outing, fell asleep at the wheel, turned car over 3 times, crashed down into a ditch, best friend killed and husband badly injured. He is now in a nursing home, slowly recovering physically but dementia much worse. Also had severe concussion. He keeps begging me to take him home. My son, Dr, care home chief nurse, friends all say NO. I am terribly distressed to leave him there so upset, but know in reality I couldn't care for him at home. He could have daily respite care, but I think this would be the worst option. What should I do?

Oh Paulie, I am so so sorry..........I can't find words to say anything.

 

[Casbow]

Patsy 56

Oh Paulie, I am so so sorry..........I can't find words to say anything.

So sad for you. but I don't think bringing him home is the answer.Try to visit as much as possible.Lunchtimes are good as you can help with any feeding and encouraging to feed and drink. Good luck.xxx

 

[pamann]

So sorry to hear of the terrible accident your husband has had, what a shock for you, l do hope you will be getting compensation. Do you have family to support you, my thoughts are with you at this awful time.

 

[Tiller Girl]

What an awful thing to happen! You must still be in shock over the whole thing.

If your OH needs more care now then you should listen to those closest to the problem. It's easy to be swayed by emotions and what you think you should do rather than what's best for OH.

Remember , he may be begging you to go home but does he only do it when you're there? Are you visits triggering his response? My OH was like that when he had to go into hospital for a week but he was fine when I wasn't there at all.