Hi all,
I'm so worried about my mum. She has a long history of illnesses and has become less and less mobile over the last few years. She becomes breathless and tired at the drop of a hat. She moved into an independent living home 4 years ago. Just before Easter this year, she was confirmed as having dementia, which we all knew really. She had two falls at Easter, which left her in hospital for 7 weeks, and the dementia got really worse, with her seeing zebras outside the window and accusing everyone of all sorts. However she did like being in hospital because of the social life (she hadn't been out of her flat at the independent living place for at least a year). She was unable to go back to the flat, mainly because she couldn't live at all independently any more - they had been struggling with her before the hospital stay. Luckily we managed to move mum to a CH near us, it is a lovely place and the staff seem fantastic.
At first, mum was really suspicious of everything - the hairdressers, the other residents, etc etc. Then she seemed to settle down and quite enjoyed the social aspect but over the past week things have got dreadful. Whilst I was there, two carers came to help her to the toilet and she told one of them to go away, I don't want you here. When I asked her why, she said "you wouldn't like someone who does what she does." "She poked her finger inside me".
I didn't know what to think, but I reported it to the duty manager. I thought that what might have happened was that, when she was cleaning mum up (she is doubly incontinent), the carer had had to hook some poo out (sorry this is so graphic...) The CH have talked to me several times, to my mum (who told them I shouldn't have said anything to them) and to the member of staff, and I have no reason to think they haven't followed proper procedures. That carer is now not dealing with mum at all.
So, I went into see mum today and they were all in the lounge having some sort of social. I sat down with them all, and mum seemed to be enjoying herself. The person running the event spoke to my mum a couple of times, asking whether she had gone to work, and what did she do. Mum answered her really sharply, I hadn't seen her like that before (though the carers had often said she was in a mood, or had thrown her tablets or shouted - even bitten them once or twice). Anyway, mum needed to get into her wheelchair so I said I'd go and find someone. Mum said "not that horrible person, I want a man to help me". Well, I could only find the "horrible person" and mum went mad, shouting at her to leave her alone and calling for me to help her. We eventually got her into the dining room where mum proceeded to be short and rude to all the carers, and refused to eat. I had to leave as I got really upset seeing mum like this. She also told me that the "horrible" carer had manhandled her, showing me a new bruise on her arm (she's had several falls within the CH so she is a bit battered looking and she also bruises very easily.) I know it's part of the disease but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with.
So. Was she abused either time? What do I believe and what do I let go? Will there be any carers left that mum is happy to have help her?
Sorry to rant on. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated x
I'm so worried about my mum. She has a long history of illnesses and has become less and less mobile over the last few years. She becomes breathless and tired at the drop of a hat. She moved into an independent living home 4 years ago. Just before Easter this year, she was confirmed as having dementia, which we all knew really. She had two falls at Easter, which left her in hospital for 7 weeks, and the dementia got really worse, with her seeing zebras outside the window and accusing everyone of all sorts. However she did like being in hospital because of the social life (she hadn't been out of her flat at the independent living place for at least a year). She was unable to go back to the flat, mainly because she couldn't live at all independently any more - they had been struggling with her before the hospital stay. Luckily we managed to move mum to a CH near us, it is a lovely place and the staff seem fantastic.
At first, mum was really suspicious of everything - the hairdressers, the other residents, etc etc. Then she seemed to settle down and quite enjoyed the social aspect but over the past week things have got dreadful. Whilst I was there, two carers came to help her to the toilet and she told one of them to go away, I don't want you here. When I asked her why, she said "you wouldn't like someone who does what she does." "She poked her finger inside me".
I didn't know what to think, but I reported it to the duty manager. I thought that what might have happened was that, when she was cleaning mum up (she is doubly incontinent), the carer had had to hook some poo out (sorry this is so graphic...) The CH have talked to me several times, to my mum (who told them I shouldn't have said anything to them) and to the member of staff, and I have no reason to think they haven't followed proper procedures. That carer is now not dealing with mum at all.
So, I went into see mum today and they were all in the lounge having some sort of social. I sat down with them all, and mum seemed to be enjoying herself. The person running the event spoke to my mum a couple of times, asking whether she had gone to work, and what did she do. Mum answered her really sharply, I hadn't seen her like that before (though the carers had often said she was in a mood, or had thrown her tablets or shouted - even bitten them once or twice). Anyway, mum needed to get into her wheelchair so I said I'd go and find someone. Mum said "not that horrible person, I want a man to help me". Well, I could only find the "horrible person" and mum went mad, shouting at her to leave her alone and calling for me to help her. We eventually got her into the dining room where mum proceeded to be short and rude to all the carers, and refused to eat. I had to leave as I got really upset seeing mum like this. She also told me that the "horrible" carer had manhandled her, showing me a new bruise on her arm (she's had several falls within the CH so she is a bit battered looking and she also bruises very easily.) I know it's part of the disease but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with.
So. Was she abused either time? What do I believe and what do I let go? Will there be any carers left that mum is happy to have help her?
Sorry to rant on. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated x
