So bizarre !

[Grey Lad]

Th Strange Case of Missing Cutlery

Couldn't resist this one AnnMac. I kept an eye on things last night: CIGL is back on the case. Grandmas knives bread and butter, from her days running a Guest House here, are kept safe most nights. Safely stored in a tea cloth in washing basket. This is done for two purposes, I think, bread knife is very sharp and we might cut ourselves butter knife is precious because of bone handle.

As we wash up wedding present cutlery is separated as we don't want to leave that here. This is generally carefully placed in a cupboard in the utility room: again ready to take home in the morning.

The Hudl: who knows but it might be all part of the anti new technology campaign.

I hope you don't think any of these things are 'unmentionable'. If you know what I mean.

 

[Ann Mac]

We went through a long period, GL, where Mil regularly packed clothes into carrier bags in her room, ready for going home 'tomorrow' - which would be fine, apart from the fact that she would cram in so much that everything needed ironing again before it could be worn. She would also shove in other items - everything from bits of make up to odd things like a sheet torn from a newspaper or a tea towel or a mug! Again, with us managing to keep her from the kitchen these days, this has mostly stopped now - spare carrier bags are kept in the kitchen you see, and if she can't get at them, then she seems to feel no urge to pack 'em. It might be unmentionable to mention that I quite often find she has taken clean knickers from her bedroom drawers and put them in her handbag - I think that goes back to childhood, as she has told me that her Mum always insists she has spare knickers when going 'on a trip, in case of accidents'!

She tends to leave OH's gadgets alone - his hudl and phone are rarely touched. But, if dau leaves her laptop by the sofa, or her kindle, then Mil often goes to touch/move them - and will insist when asked not to, that she thought they were hers, not that she has ever owned either.

I had little Miss Bad Tempered-moany-pester back today. Not even a 'Morning' when I woke her, just a demand that I 'phone work and tell them she is not going in', to start the day. When washing, she didn't like the dark coloured towel as she couldn't tell if it was clean or not and anyway, it was 'damp'. She complained because I said she really couldn't sit down to wash her bottom!. The water was too hot (it wasn't), she wished I would buy a different soap because the one I 'make' her use always goes in her eyes (its one of only 3 brands that she insists on having), and 'Oh God - have I got to go down the stairs for breakfast?' (I told her no, she could skip it if she wanted, and that went down like a lead balloon too!). Porridge didn't have enough milk, she objected to only one slice of toast (all I give because despite repeated requests, she is handed two rounds, laden with butter as soon as she gets to day care), she objected to me not allowing her to keep her inhalers in her handbag (daren't - she never remembers if she has used them or remembers what the daily limit is on using them) and we had a lot of 'supposes' - she supposed I wouldn't have time to do her hair, she supposed that she would get soaked waiting for the train (its brilliant sunshine here), she supposed OH wouldn't give her a lift to work and she would have to walk! 10 minutes after he came downstairs, OH asked her did she have anything positive to say? She responded by telling him that he was talking rubbish because she was 'always cheerful' That prompted a series of rude remarks about OH - he always tells lies, he is the one that always moans, he is 'spiteful for the sake of it' - after he left for work she swore blind he had tipped her cup of tea away, despite me assuring her that no, she had drank it all. Then it was a loop of lipstick, perfume, emptying her bag and saying how heavy it was, and did I think she should take a coat, over and over again, until mini bus arrived.

Crossing fingers and toes that she is in a sunnier mood when I pick her up later!

 

[Grey Lad]

It's 'Just Another Day' for your and your MIL then. Perhaps a Beatles number that could be our theme tune.

 

[Grace L]

Ann.....

Oh dear..... I hope today improves for you , and MiL returns in a happier mood.


I saw a Red , cream and chrome 'Red' yesterday.... oooo lovely and shiny, obviously pride and joy...

MiL has taken a lot of my cutlery too, at first mostly teaspoons , but then forks etc.
I thought I'd find them at her home, and discretely remove them, and put them back in my kitchen...
But they are not at her house, not in her kitchen draws, but I'm not about to search anywhere else.

In my house (as I'm sure is the way with others) , my knives and forks are in a cutlery tray...
MiL always asks why they have to be separated in their individual 'compartments'...
She wants them 'mixed up' .... and quite often she will mix up my cutlery ....
I'm not sure where my stuff (not just cutley) is? ... but her house is packed to the gills with junk, stuff....
I cant exactly search MiL bags before she leaves here...

Have a good day everyone...

 

[Katrine]

But you can, Grace! It is only your politeness habit that is stopping you. You know she pinches your stuff, so you have every right. If she kicks up about it she might stop dropping in so often and making free with your home and possessions. Double result.

 

[Spamar]

Afternoon everybody! Back home safely, minus iPad charger! But otherwise fine. It was a good break, I must admit and it's a lovely place. Now to catch up!

Went to see OH this afternoon, not at his brilliant best, I have to admit. I think he knew it was me, but that didn't help a lot! Somebody else (staff) thought I was his daughter! I'm getting fed up with this! I pointed out that his daughter is 20 years younger than I am!

Got my ATOS assessment tomorrow and OHs FNC on Friday. No rest for the wicked!

 

[Essie]

20 years younger after a few days away Spamar?? I want to go to Launde Abbey please!

Good to have you back and glad you had a good break. Good luck with your assessment tomorrow, make sure they get your age right!

 

[Grey Lad]

Afternoon everybody! Back home safely, minus iPad charger! But otherwise fine. It was a good break, I must admit and it's a lovely place. Now to catch up!

Went to see OH this afternoon, not at his brilliant best, I have to admit. I think he knew it was me, but that didn't help a lot! Somebody else (staff) thought I was his daughter! I'm getting fed up with this! I pointed out that his daughter is 20 years younger than I am!

Got my ATOS assessment tomorrow and OHs FNC on Friday. No rest for the wicked!

I can't believe any of you would be wicked at an Abbey.

 

[Spamar]

I used to be able to be wicked anywhere, GL! Getting a bit old these days!

I know we've got a good age difference, and i know OH is possibly looking older than his age ( last stages of dementia and all that) but really!

 

[Ann Mac]

Morning all,

I'm with Essie, Spamar - if you look 20 years younger, I want to go to LA too - lovely to have you back and glad you had a nice time x

But you can, Grace! It is only your politeness habit that is stopping you. You know she pinches your stuff, so you have every right. If she kicks up about it she might stop dropping in so often and making free with your home and possessions. Double result.

That would be my initial reaction, Katrine - but, Grace has said that her Mil can get physically nasty, and so her Mil's potential reaction would worry me Its a horribly tricky situation for you, Grace - I really think contacting both her relatives (not that they will do anything, but just so YOU have done the right thing) and the police/social services is going to be the only way out of this for you, hun - but I understand its a hard thing for you to do xxxx

Picked Mil up and told she had been 'fine' till the last 'half hour or so' - she had been pacing and panicking about nobody coming for her, about nobody knowing where she was. In the car, she rambled on about were we coming for tea at 'our place' tomorrow, but didn't seem too agitated. Back home, it was clear she was very confused and she actually looked really exhausted. She also struggled several times with finding the words she wanted, which made understanding what she was saying difficult. She was trying to ask me about a key for a locked room, about it being where she keeps 'something' ? Mentioning 'that thing that is there, I don't remember what its called' and 'I can't think of the name of the place I got it from'. Distracted her with a cuppa, but on to 'Isn't it time you took me home?'. I reminded her she lived here, waited with baited breath in case she kicked off, but she just accepted it. We got some lovely little confabulations - she had spent the morning in a leisure centre, then she and I had beem 'all round town' in the afternoon and she also told us all about her 'red high heeled shoes' (for dancing) that are a size 7, though all her other shoes are a size 5 1/2' For the rest of the evening, there were frequent references to 'going home' and worrries that she didn't 'pay enough board' or that she 'wasn't a good tennant', but no real agitation. She continued to struggle with words, far more noticably than usual, so I am wondering if an infection of some sort is brewing. She also seemed a lot more 'doddery' on her feet - tiny little shuffly steps, again noticably worse than usual. At 8.15 she asked the time, and followed that with asking could she go to bed at half 8? I said yes, she could go when she liked, offered her meds at 8.30 - and off she went. No fuss over pull ups, though she needed a lot of instructions and guidence to get them on - she actually tried to put them on over her trousers and looked at me blankly, as though I was talking a language she didn't understand when I tried to explain that the trousers must come off first.

Tucking her into bed, she said she couldn't think why she was 'so tired' - I joked with her that it was all the 'carousing with wild men' she must have been doing - she laughed, but then suddenly stopped and fixing me with a glare asked 'Who told you about that'? I assured her I was only joking and it was back to laughter, but honestly - I'd love to know what she thought she had been up to!

Just after midnight and again a couple of hours later, I found her on the landing trying to work out where the loo was, but straight back to bed and settled once I pointed her in the right direction.

Really beginning to wonder if she is starting with an illness of some sort, or if we are just seeing another deterioration at the moment. We've had 3 days now of the difficult behaviour being very much less, but she is needing an awful lot more by way of help to understand and do very simple things. As I said, last night her speech was pretty bad in terms of her not being able to find a lot of the words she wanted to say, but looking back, that's been an increasing problem probably for a couple of weeks now - and the same with her walking. And she looks so darn frail, too. I'll keep an eye over the next couple of days and maybe book a GP appointment, just to be sure about any infection.

Hoping the camera I've ordered arrives today - its should have been here Tues or Wens, according to the seller, but using parcel tracking, as of last night, it was in Sheffield apparently!

Have a good day, everyone xxxx

 

[Grey Lad]

Sounds another challenging day AnnMac.

It's so difficult to work out the source of changes. I am constantly trying to fathom if it is: tiredness, infection, a dip or further deterioration. It will be really interesting today with one of Maureen's sons visiting. I anticipate 'the hostess' will be on show: there's nothing wrong with me mode. That doesn't worry me any more but then the man will leave with no idea how the disease is progressing. Perhaps, it doesn't really matter and he will pop in again when he has time.

Visitors and invisibles come and go we just have to keep on trucking.

 

[Spamar]

Ann, sounds to me like infection or possibly TIA, Especially if it's all of a sudden.

 

[Ann Mac]

Sounds another challenging day AnnMac.

It's so difficult to work out the source of changes. I am constantly trying to fathom if it is: tiredness, infection, a dip or further deterioration. It will be really interesting today with one of Maureen's sons visiting. I anticipate 'the hostess' will be on show: there's nothing wrong with me mode. That doesn't worry me any more but then the man will leave with no idea how the disease is progressing. Perhaps, it doesn't really matter and he will pop in again when he has time.

Visitors and invisibles come and go we just have to keep on trucking.

I think the responsibility of trying to work out why this or that is happening, and taking the appropriate action is one of the most challenging aspects of dealing with dementia, GL. If I rushed to contact the CPN or the GP with every little change, every 'new' issue, then I would be constantly on the phone, so I try to be cautious - but there have been a couple of times where, after 3 or 4 days of me not being sure, its turned out that Mil did have a UTI or similar and then I am telling myself off for not taking action sooner.

Mil can still put on the 'there's nothing wrong with me mode' - but her ability to sustain it is getting very much worse. Occasionally, she will chat on the phone to one of the Irish Mob, as I call her numerous relatives in Ireland (most of whom I've never even met!) and the last time one of her nephews called her, although the call lasted less than 3 or 4 minutes, he called us again a couple of days later to simply ask exactly how bad was she now, because he could tell from her conversation that she was clearly 'not right'. Just 6 months ago, I'm pretty certain that she could have convinced anyone in a 4 minute phone conversation that there wasn't a thing wrong with her, that she was fine - but not now.

With OH being an only child, and all of Mils relatives in ireland, we thankfully don't have any issues with 'invisibles' - its one area where I feel very fortunate, after reading some of the posts on TP!

 

[Ann Mac]

Ann, sounds to me like infection or possibly TIA, Especially if it's all of a sudden.

I don't know that i would call it sudden - just that both speech ad mobility have been getting worse over the last couple of weeks, Spamar, but it was only last night that I kind of realised it? Does that make sense? However, the much improved behaviour is pretty sudden, I guess, and has been going on for 3 days now, which is making me think infection too.

I think I'll give the GP a call this morning and see if he thinks an appointment is in order - he is pretty good, will phone me back for a chat at the end of surgery and I'll be able to give him the details and see what he thinks then.

 

[RedLou]

Morning all.
Spamar - I had you down for wicked!
GL - how about telling son M is 'so much better when he's around' - the manipulation of ego is probably the only way to get invisibles to accept that the 'usual' might be considerably worse. You never know - might encourage him to give you half a day's respite!!!
Ann - with UTIs, the 'sundowning' style behaviour is usually worse, no?
Grace - personally I'd like to take a posse of Bizarrites to stand guard around your door and head MiL off at the pass!
It's sunny and fine here - getting ready for a week away - a recce of Shropshire to see if we really do want to move there… although no one wants our house. Even the fake Georgian up the road has gone… *sob* Seriously, though, I do not want to have to reduce the price to sell it as it's vital to our future funds but I suppose it may come to that.

 

[2jays]

Spamar - I had you down for wicked!

Oooh she most definitely is....

But my lips are sealed


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[Grey Lad]

Morning all.

GL - how about telling son M is 'so much better when he's around' - the manipulation of ego is probably the only way to get invisibles to accept that the 'usual' might be considerably worse. You never know - might encourage him to give you half a day's respite!!!

Interesting thought. The only problem when I return Maureen may fear yet again that it is her ex coming back - his dad. This happened on my return from Portugal - that was a year ago and the condition has progressed since then. So it is very tricky and to bring back her nightmares from that era would be a disaster. Her sons are not an option for respite for obvious reasons.

 

[Spamar]

And I was quiet there. If only you'd known me in my 20s and 30s! Such a relief not having to query everything, sort out everything, be annoying over everything.
I had a good comeback at care home yesterday! Caught up with a weeks nags to them! Amongst other things someone had cut his hair and beard. Beard in particular was dreadful, looks like he had a bad shave! Well, if there are prepared to shave him, good luck, but his chin needs a beard and I shall divorce him if they shave it off!

 

[Ann Mac]

Usually, appalling behaviour is the first (and sometimes only) sign of an infection, Red - you're right. But I wondered if just any change could be down to infection, too?. This morning, she is (to be blunt) foul tempered but confused.

As I joined her in the bathroom, she asked me how I expected her to walk around Manchester with a stiff leg? I told her that I didn't know she was going to Manchester. Did work not tell me?, she asked. I said no, but 'don't worry, hun - when the driver picks you up I'll tell him that you don't feel up to walking round Manchester today'.

'You're cruel, you are - a cruel b***h'!

'EH?'

'I was looking forward to going to Manchester'

'I'm sorry, I thought you weren't feeling up to walking round?'

'I'm not walking round - I'm going to the hospital there'

'I didn't know you had an appointment in a Manchester hospital, sorry'

I don't have an appointment - I'm going to visit Ann's Mum

'My Mum isn't in hospital, love'

'I heard you telling someone downstairs

And on - and on - it went. Didn't matter if I agreed, if I went along with her, she turned it into me saying something she didn't like. Tried giving very non-committal 'really's?' and 'Oh right's' and she gave me grief for 'not answering her properly'.

Downstairs, face like a smacked bum on her, snapping at everyone. I got it in the neck for not having her porridge in front of her quickly enough and then because it was too hot and not enough milk. OH got it for being 'too cheerful for this time of the day' when he wished her 'Good morning'. Admittedly, youngest daughter does sing all the flipping time and it can be annoying, but when Mil snapped at her very rudely to 'shut up', both OH and I jumped on her.

Back to 'going to Manchester' - now it was me who had told her she had to go, told her before she even got out of bed and told her as soon as she came downstairs, apparently. On and on she went - if we said 'don't worry, you don't have to go' she would instantly complained how dare we try and stop her. If we agreed with her saying she was going, it was instant how horrible we were to make her.

Doing her hair, OH had left the room and still on about Manchester, how he was forcing her to go. I said no one was forcing her to do anything - 'he is - and if he has told you different, he is a liar'.

OH came back in as I was trying to suggest it was too warm for her coat and she was insisting on putting it on. Sudden tears - she wanted to go home to Ireland but couldn't now because she'll have nowhere to stay - they burried Paddy last week, she claimed. OH responded that he hoped not, because her brother Paddy is still very much alive! Sobbing, she argued that she had had a letter telling her that he was dead - we tried to comfort her saying he was still alive, but not a chance. OH finally said, OK, if she said so, then fine - Paddy was dead. And now we were cruel for telling her that.

ARRRGGGGHHHHHHHH!

She basically couldn't/wouldn't stop going on and on and on, talking absolute nonsense, jumping from one supposed calamity to another. Was so glad when the mini bus turned up - though the driver looked rather taken aback with my response of 'I might' when he asked me would I be picking her up later?

I checked, very thoroughly, the area where the cellulitis usually flares up and to be honest, its looking fine , with the dry skin patch she had been left with actually looking better. Checked the rest of her legs too, in case a new patch was starting - nothing. I stayed in the loo with her when she used the toilet - no problems starting to wee, no odour, no indication of discomfort and no 'stop and starting' or only passing a tiny amount - so absolutely no indication of any infection there. The bed and pull ups were both dry this morning, too. Her breathing is also no worse than usual - so I really don't know what's going on with her. She was still struggling for words and the walking was no better - I did notice something very odd, though. When she gets up from her seat and starts to walk, she sort of starts of with almost a little 'hop' as though she has to put extra effort into getting her leg moving. Isn't that typical of Parkinsons gait? A sign that its getting worse?

Heaven help day care today if the mood she is in doesn't improve

2jays - is it a case of 'what happens at LA, stays at LA'?

Spamar, Mil now has her hair done at day care - and the cut is bloody awful - uneven layers and cut against the curl so it rarely sits right. But, she was starting to really dislike going to a salon, objected strongly to a hair dresser coming to the house - and asks the day care hairdresser to do her hair every time she is there, so I've given in. I content myself with cursing under my breath as I try to blow dry or style it into something presentable, every morning!

According to tracking, my camera travelled to Preston late last night, and ended up in Deeside at 4a.m.. At '4.03' it left the depot 'for delivery' - so hoping it will be here very shortly! Seemed to be a very convoluted route from South Yorkshire!!!

 

[2jays]

Yes ann it does.... But I don't think I'm telling tales if I just mention..... No no I mustn't

I think before working out what's going on with MIL..... You need to answer the question

"If a tree falls in a wood and nothing is there to hear it fall... Does it make a sound" once you've answered that one there is the other question "what sound does it make"

Then once you have managed to answer those questions, you will find working out what's wrong with MIL easy peasy

Hugs xxx

I nearly had a nag...




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