two dog dilemma

[onewills]

Hi I haven't posted in a while, I now know without a shadow of a doubt my nan of 92 has has vascular dementia I don't know what stage but it's very clear now...I get phone calls early hours of the morning accusing me of being late to visit her....I see her every day and apart from her twice a day carer's I am her only visitor.I am now getting phone calls telling me her dogs missing I explain on the phone she only has 1 dog but she tells me it's him gone missing I drive 10 miles there to find her in her nightdress and coat with her dog besides her I ask where did she find the dog she tells me it's the other dog missing..I really am beside myself with what to do I'm sure she is awake at night as everyday she tells me she hates the darkness that was yesterday I ask her was it dark when you sore me yesterday no is the reply then she will go on and on and on c about how she hates the darkness how the dog hates the darkness..I really am at my wits end with no one to talk to..and no experience of dementia at all has anyone any experience with these things...just to know others have had these situations would be a relief many thanks x

 

[marionq]

She sounds lonely. Perhaps it is time for the company in a residential home.

 

[cobden28]

But what about the dog, the ONE dog that she has? Would she be allowed to take her pet to a residential home, or is it time to consider rehoming the dog also ?

 

[onewills]

Hi thank you for the reply,
I really don't know what to do her dog is her life, she has never been one for company she has always liked her being on her own with the dog she dislikes the carer's going in an alway moans about the lack of privacy she has always been this way in that respect hence why I'm the only living relative that she sees I'm torn as she has no ties with her house or 52 years (which is a real shock to me) I'm tiered of crying and the anger and soul searching....I know deep down what I need to do but just don't know how I can do it..how can you take someone independence away she is getting worse that I know the strain on my young family is not fair either..right now I guess I feel just as lost as she is and I'm scared and don't know where to start x

 

[cobden28]

If your Mum might well need to go into residential car in the near future, and assuming she won't be allowed to take her dog with her, perhaps you should be making enquiries about how to rehome the dog, 'just in case'.

Try the local RSPCA or the Dogs Trust, who should be able to offer advice on rehoming under these circumstances. What breed is the dog - perhaps there's a specialist breed rescue who could help also?

 

[canary]

Hi I haven't posted in a while, I now know without a shadow of a doubt my nan of 92 has has vascular dementia I don't know what stage but it's very clear now...I get phone calls early hours of the morning accusing me of being late to visit her....I see her every day and apart from her twice a day carer's I am her only visitor.I am now getting phone calls telling me her dogs missing I explain on the phone she only has 1 dog but she tells me it's him gone missing I drive 10 miles there to find her in her nightdress and coat with her dog besides her I ask where did she find the dog she tells me it's the other dog missing..I really am beside myself with what to do I'm sure she is awake at night as everyday she tells me she hates the darkness that was yesterday I ask her was it dark when you sore me yesterday no is the reply then she will go on and on and on c about how she hates the darkness how the dog hates the darkness..I really am at my wits end with no one to talk to..and no experience of dementia at all has anyone any experience with these things...just to know others have had these situations would be a relief many thanks x

Duplication seems to be fairly common. Before mum went into a care home she was beginning to be confused about her home and thought she had another bungalow, that had the same furniture and everything in it but wasnt the same bungalow! I have read on here other people saying the same thing and also duplication of people too. I would guess that her saying that she had another dog is the same thing.

Re the fear of the dark. People with dementia often become more confused in the evening and at night (called sundowning) and this could be what is happening. Like small children shadows become faces or frightening monsters or they confuse dreams with reality. Have you tried leaving lights on? I would also ask GP/memory clinic/consultant about some medication to try and reduce her anxiety at night.

 

[AlsoConfused]

The Cinnamon Trust have a list of care homes allowing pets to accompany their owners ...

 

[Tin]

It is common, my 81 year old mother who has lived with me since January 2014. I Called it the terrible twos, not so bad now. She would panic and ask where her little dog was, I'd tell her it was right next to her and she would say not that one the other one. She would also look around for the other me, she genuinely believed there were two of me. Looking for her little dog at night was terrible and I can only think that this was when mum was 'sundowning' and if it wasn't the dog or me, it would certainly be something or someone else. My mum is obsessed with her little dog and I'm not so sure how she would cope without it, she adores it. Her fear of darkness was easy to deal with, she would turn all the lights on in the house and wander, then when she went back to bed I'd have to get up and turn all the lights off! I know she was feeling lonely and anxious because she would come into my room, sit on edge of bed and talk none stop. Sleeping and anti anxiety pills have helped, but side effects are a bit of a worry and I had to keep a close eye on her, easy to do, she lives with me. While mum was taking NO prescribed medication I did try a few herbal remedies suggested by the pharmacist, bit hit and miss so do not want to suggest any here, I did find that having Lavender diffusers in every room helped a little and also I used to spray a little of her favourite perfume on her bedding. I put a small tv in her bedroom and borrowed a dvd from a friend just an under water coral sea with lots of colourful fish played on a loop through the night, think it helped. Radio tuned into Radio 4.

I really feel for you, and can imagine how worried you are when you are not with your grandmother, but often with this illness, loss of independence is inevitable.

 

[Beate]

Love lies and distraction. The second dog is currently with niece X for a bit. Would you like a cup of tea? She can't help her anxiety, but to her that dog is real and she is missing it so comfort her with soothing words and a hug. Take her for a walk. Give her a hand massage. Make a fuss about how well the (first) dog is looking.

 

[CynthsDaugh]

My 80yr old Mum doesn't have any issues with duplicating things, but has started not liking the dark at all. I have put a kids night light in her room, and in the hallway in case she gets up in the night, and it has definitely helped.

 

[onewills]

Thank you so much everyone for your replies
I am at work at the moment and will read them later when I can have time to sit and relax digest all the replies, my nan doesn't live with me she lives on her own which does make certain things a bit tricky as I also have a young family..I do know she would be very devastated if she had to give up her dog...but thank you all so much it really does feel like a load has been lifted already xx