respite

[Rosie7]

Hi
Any ideas on how I can speak to Dad about respite. I have found a really good place and I am taking him to see it on Tuesday. They will assess his needs while we visit. Trouble is he doesn't realise he's got any needs. He has lived with me for 16 months and during that time has been diagnosed with mixed dementia which we think he has had for 5 years progressing very slowly. Though we have discussed it he does not believe he has Alzheimer's. He also does not remember that his house has been sold so at times of stress says he's going home.
Mum died in January . She had been in a nursing home and had VD. Dad does remember she has died thankfully.
I feel things are only going to get worse with Dad and would just like a few days break with my husband to buoy us up for times to come.
Dad's a very intelligent man and a former managing director .He still gives out an aurora of authority which can make me feel 8 rather than 58 even though I know he won't change his pants unless I lay them out for him.
What ever I say to get Dad to see the respite home on Friday he will forget by the next day or even that afternoon but I have to say something to explain why we are going there.
I wish so much the veil of confusion would lift and I could explain everything to him. I know if he was himself he would understand my need for a break.

 

[canary]

What about telling him that its a hotel that you are thinking of booking into for a holiday for yourself and you want to know whether he thinks it would be a nice place to stay?

But basically, tell him anything that will make him happy. Little white lies are perfectly acceptable

 

[Spamar]

You said 'he doesn't remember his house is sold' but which house? Dementia often causes you to live in the past, so he might be thinking of his parents house, for instance.

I appealed to OHs better nature...you know I haven't been very well recently.... It's worked three times so far. He also realised that if he has lots of falls, I can't pick him up and neighbours aren't always around, so it will be permanent care.

 

[Rosie7]

You said 'he doesn't remember his house is sold' but which house? Dementia often causes you to live in the past, so he might be thinking of his parents house, for instance.

I appealed to OHs better nature...you know I haven't been very well recently.... It's worked three times so far. He also realised that if he has lots of falls, I can't pick him up and neighbours aren't always around, so it will be permanent care.

Yes I am thinking of going down better nature route. Dad was and still can be very kind. he also sometimes worries about what he says is being an interloper here though we try very hard to make him feel this is his home.

 

[Spamar]

The other thing I can use, Rosie, is the fact that I (we) visit as often as I could. It's too far for him these days, so he's very happy if I go alone. He realises he can't live by himself, so respite OK. He knows where I've gone, so doesn't complain.
And he sometimes can't remember his age, his birthday or his children!