A life in the day of.........................

Status
Not open for further replies.

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,447
0
Kent
Hello Cliff, you`ve been missed. I hope everything is OK.

Cliff peeling anything takes too long

If peeling anything takes too long , Dee can peel whilst you do everything else.

I usually ask Dhiren to get things out, but tell him where they are as I ask, eg.
`Can you put the mats on the table. They are on the microwave`.
or
`Will you put the cutlery out. 2 knives, 2 forks and 2 spoons, they are in this drawer. `
or
`Will you cut up the cauliflower. The pan is in the cupboard and the knife is in the drawer. There`s some newspaper in the recycling bag for the scraps`
or
`Will you put 2 plates to warm. They are in THAT cupboard and they go in the grill compartment.`

I let him complete one action before I tell him about the next.

And because his spatial awareness is so poor, he gets in the way, so I make sure we work in different areas of the kitchen.

Hope this is of help. :)

Love xx
 
Last edited:

Cliff

Registered User
Jun 29, 2007
777
0
North Wales
Thank you Christine and Sylvia,

TP people are lovely and friendly. Makes you feel so much better chatting here.

Can understand your feelings about Peter and am sure that Sylvia feels the same. It may be head banging time when they do the unexpected but would rather have them near to you.

Love to you both and Peter and Dhiren,
 

BeckyJan

Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
18,971
0
Derbyshire
It is lovely to see you back on TP - we have missed you.

Not sure if I am in tune or not- peeling potatoes¬!!!!!!!!!! -my D does not understand any of that. He only understands - 'here is a glass of wine before our meal' and we sit for a few minutes in between my cooking veggies etc.

If I ask him to help he just does not truly understand - so better not to continue as to cause his feeling of 'failure'.

Does that make sense to you??
Best wishes Jan
 

Cliff

Registered User
Jun 29, 2007
777
0
North Wales
Jan, it makes complete sense.

It is so like Sylvia's conversations with Dhiren. Reading them shows Sylvia is doing exactly the same. Just wish I had her knack of using the correct response at the right time.

So glad to be back on TP.

Love to you and D
 

BeckyJan

Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
18,971
0
Derbyshire
Lovely to be in touch again.

I have been making our own Chrissie cards -- this is my second year at it and I feel quite proud of this year's effort!!! I have to blow my own trumpet for no one else will:(

Do you 'share' the card preparation or do you just get on with it? I am hoping to include D this year but I am not sure whether he will cope - this all seems to me to be a better measure for MMSE than the real test.

Best wishes all Jan
 

alfjess

Registered User
Jul 10, 2006
1,213
0
south lanarkshire
Hi
In the days when Mum and Dad came everynight for dinner, Mum was desperate to help, so I asked her to set the table(she used to set a beautiful table), first giving her the placemats, then showing her where the cutlery drawer was.

By the time the table was to Mum's satisfaction, my cutlery drawer was empty and that was a lot of utensils.

Never mind, Dad helped and Mum felt she had done a good job, so both were occupied and happy and for a time, felt useful.

I am sure if we could find something to make feel useful in the care home now, he wouldn't sleep all the time

Alfjess
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,447
0
Kent
Sometimes Dhiren brings me a cup of tea which is perfect. Other times he brings me cups of tea which are awful. I now know why.

1] He makes the tea, is distracted by something else, forgets the tea, so the tea goes cold. Then he heats it in the microwave. It is really stewed.

2] He makes the tea, finds he hasn`t put enough water in the kettle for two cups. He adds cold water to the kettle, but the kettle is still hot from the last boiling. So he feels the hot kettle, thinks it has just boiled [it has, but not with the fresh water] and pours the cold water to make the tea. :eek:
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,447
0
Kent
We had a disastrous visit to the AS Support Group today.

He got himself up, dressed and ready, but refused breakfast, saying he wasn`t hungry. Sat in silence, except for saying he was cold. I felt the mood coming on...........

He struggled getting out of the taxi, he couldn`t lift his foot over the door sill. He was disorientated when he finally got out, not knowing in which direction to turn his body.

Inside the cafe, after returning the greeting from the AS facilitator, he sat with his face turned to the window. The more I tried to include him the more sulky and angry he became. The facilitator ask if he was bored and he replied, `So far, yes.`

I quietly tried to encourage him to join in. He pulled faces at me, sneered, said `Let`s go, Woman!.... or I will go by myself.` and he knows how I react to that expression.

If I hadn`t been concerned about him getting lost, I would have let him go. And because I couldn`t bear the atmosphere he was creating, I made our apologies and we left early.
 

sue38

Registered User
Mar 6, 2007
10,849
0
55
Wigan, Lancs
Hi Sylvia,

I'm sorry that the visit to the Support Group was such a disappointment. I'm sure everyone there understood the situation, but I know you could use the support, and feel that Dhiren would benefit if he would accept the help on offer.

It sounds as though he had decided not to cooperate from early this morning. I know that if my Dad says he's not hungry and doesn't want any breakfast we are in for a day of it. :(

Tomorrow he may be different again, charming and happy leaving you thinking 'why weren't you like this yesterday when I needed you to be? :mad:'
 

connie

Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
9,519
0
Frinton-on-Sea
So sorry Sylvia that you had a bad day, especially as it is the day of your Support Group.

I agree with Sue. Sometimes you can sense what type of day you will have from the moment you get up.

I really used to hate what I called those "lost days", knowing that it was time that you could not replace. Ultimately you learn to adjust, as I know you have, but it is still hard.

Do hope tomorrow will be better. As for next Tuesday.......what does Norman say: Day by day.

Take care, and love to you both.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,447
0
Kent
Thanks Sue and Connie.

Today has been a lost day. He has slept for most of it and eaten very little. He asked what had happened and when I told him was shocked and walked away from me.

Then he slept and woke in a distressed state, saying he had nowhere to go. Someone had told him to get out, but he had nowhere to go. Once I had reassured him it had been a dream he slept again.

Then at 6 pm he decided he was uncomfortable in the chair and would go to bed. Whilst he was getting ready for bed our son came and Dhiren seemed unaware he was here. He still went to bed.

As soon as Paul left, Dhiren got up, so he must have avoided Paul deliberately. He is still subdued, still non-communicative, still miserable.

When he is stroppy at home I can walk away. When he is stroppy when we are out and with other people I find it much more difficult to handle. I felt embarrassed and very uncomfortable, as if my soul was being laid bare to the world. In that AS Support Group today, I was upset, shaking and couldn`t get away quickly enough.

It`s strange because I open up so much on TP, but no-one can see me.
 

connie

Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
9,519
0
Frinton-on-Sea
Consider yourself hugged

When I am not there with you, and can't hug you when I would
Just follow these directions, to feel somewhere near as good

Keep this where your reminded, that my arms are seeking you
And when you feel you need a hug, this is all you have to do.

Shut your eyes and think of me, imagine I am there
Wrap your arms tight around yourself, and space will disappear.

Very soon you'll feel the warmth, and this is why you see
Every time you hug yourself, you're also hugging me.

Group therapy Sylvia, think you need it.

(Written by Mendellson Cartwright)
 

gigi

Registered User
Nov 16, 2007
7,788
0
70
East Midlands
hugs too!

Grannie g-you,ve given such a lot to me and I wish i could comfort you. Am thinking of you and hoping that this will pass-tomorrow is another day but we all know how hard it is to keep that in mind. Please know that you are treasured. xxGigi
 

BeadieJay

Registered User
I'm so sorry you've had a bad day as well. I really hope tomorrow is better for you both.

I was thinking of you yesterday when I was on the train home from my mum's party. We travelled from Westcliff to Fenchurch Street and had a lovely clear view of Kent from the train, and I was wondering how you and Dhiren were. I was also thinking of Connie, but I couldn't remember if she was in Essex or not :eek: Although I don't post much, I still think of you as sort-of-family!!
 

alfjess

Registered User
Jul 10, 2006
1,213
0
south lanarkshire
Sometimes Dhiren brings me a cup of tea which is perfect. Other times he brings me cups of tea which are awful. /QUOTE]

GrannyG

Try to be thankful for small mercies, as the saying goes. Dhiren still knows what teabags or dry tea is for. MAKING TEA

For Mum, before she went into care, they were everything and anything. Sandwich filler, biscuits, currency, hankies and I even found teabags in the toilet, that is :eek:

Sorry, again I don't mean to make light of your problems, but I am just trying to reassure you

Love
Alfjess
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,447
0
Kent
I know it`s all relative Alfjess. So far Dhiren has managed to avoid the bizarre.....so far.
 

Kate P

Registered User
Jul 6, 2007
565
0
Merseyside
Hi Sylvia,

I'm sorry your group meeting didn't go well - as Sue said sometimes you can tell the kind of day that's coming.

I understand your feelings on these "public displays" - dad says he wishes he could have a little sign to put up behind mum's back that says "she has dementia". For ten days everytime she went round Tesco (which she demands to do several times a day) she cried the whole time. He said everyone was glaring at him as though he'd done something to upset her. Poor dad!

Reading your threads makes me wonder whether it's better or worse if the sufferer is aware of their condition. Mum has no idea at all so it means she makes no effort to behave better - on the other hand Dhiren clearly feels the pain of knowing he can't do all he used to.

No answers, just more questions...

{{{HUGS}}}
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,447
0
Kent
Dear Kate.
. He said everyone was glaring at him as though he'd done something to upset her. Poor dad!
Poor dad indeed. :(

Reading your threads makes me wonder whether it's better or worse if the sufferer is aware of their condition. Mum has no idea at all so it means she makes no effort to behave better - on the other hand Dhiren clearly feels the pain of knowing he can't do all he used to.

Dhiren feels the pain of knowing what he can`t do, but when he gets one of his Lapses, he has absolutely no control. If he thought he might have shown himself up in public, never mind showing me up, he would be mortified.

No answers, just more questions...

That`s the problem with this illness, no-one has any answers, we are all playing it by ear.

Love xx
 
Status
Not open for further replies.