Looking for a new strategy here

[Liz57]

I've posted before that mum lives alone and gets very anxious when she's on her own. I go into her at least twice a day, spending in total something like four or five hours each day and she now goes to daycare twice a week. This is not great but it's OK whilst I'm waiting for power of attorney to come through when I can start to look at a care home (she'd be self funding).

Because she gets very anxious when she's on her own for any time, I have been leaving her notes explaining where I am and when I'm due back but it's becoming increasingly clear that she either doesn't understand the note or doesn't recognise or read it. When she can't contact me she believes I've had an accident and has started going out to look for me. Any tips on a simple way of getting a message across that all is well when I'm not there?

 

[Beate]

I've had a gadget given to me by SS called Memo Minder Plus on which I could record a message, then switch it on and place it in a strategic place. I didn't want him to leave the house unsupervised so I placed it near the flat door. As soon as he approached the door the motion detector would be activated and the message would play. Do you think your mum would respond to your voice telling her you are ok and will see her soon or would it freak her out?

Just as an aside, it will take you a while to check out and compare care homes so why wait until POA comes through? Get the ball rolling now, you'll feel better for it.

 

[Lindy50]

I've posted before that mum lives alone and gets very anxious when she's on her own. I go into her at least twice a day, spending in total something like four or five hours each day and she now goes to daycare twice a week. This is not great but it's OK whilst I'm waiting for power of attorney to come through when I can start to look at a care home (she'd be self funding).

Because she gets very anxious when she's on her own for any time, I have been leaving her notes explaining where I am and when I'm due back but it's becoming increasingly clear that she either doesn't understand the note or doesn't recognise or read it. When she can't contact me she believes I've had an accident and has started going out to look for me. Any tips on a simple way of getting a message across that all is well when I'm not there?

Liz, I am wondering whether you have asked social services if they have a 'deferred payments' scheme, ie they assess your mum, agree she needs a care home and then pay the fees while your paperwork comes through? I may be talking through my hat but I believe these arrangements may be available. Thought it may be worth a mention as your mum is evidently at risk, and you are under a lot of stress! Hope someone else comes along with a better idea, but I offer it for what it's worth....

All the best

Lindy xx

 

[Kevinl]

If she's self funding why do you need to wait for a POA to look for a care home assuming until you get POA she has capacity then it may be better to let her sign the contracts if you do it even with POA you may find you personally are entering into the contract. Others may want to comment on that.
On the other question, I can't get my wife to stop going downstairs in the morning until I've turned the alarm off, I can't get her sit down and watch TV for 5 minutes while I go to the loo without her following me. I tried notes, big signs she doesn't even see them, "out of sight is out of mind" they say but with AZ "out of sight is a mission to find them" sorry I have nothing helpful to add.
K

 

[Lindy50]

I have been googling this. Deferred payments are set to become nationally available from April 2015 under the Care Act provisions. See:
https://www.gov.uk/government/publi...hats-changing/care-and-support-whats-changing

However, you do need POA to make use of these:

"Carers and families can help people to make decisions about their care and how to pay for it. If the council is concerned that the person applying for the deferred payment agreement does not have the capacity to understand, or won’t have capacity to understand in the near future, then another person may need to represent them. Only a person that is properly authorised, like someone with legal power of attorney, can represent someone in applying for a deferred payment agreement."

So, I guess you need to seek financial advice if it's likely to be a while before POA comes through. As Beate says, it might be a good idea to look at some homes in the meantime, if you possibly can.....

All the best

Lindy xx

 

[Beate]

If I remember rightly, our POA arrived within 8 weeks. This isn't to say yours will as it depends on how busy they are, but we were told it could take up to 14 weeks so we were pleasantly surprised.

 

[Lindy50]

If I remember rightly, our POA arrived within 8 weeks. This isn't to say yours will as it depends on how busy they are, but we were told it could take up to 14 weeks so we were pleasantly surprised.

Our POA took 7 weeks, even including the Christmas period. So hopefully, it may not be too long, Liz? I hope you get it soon xx