Depression and settling-in time.

[distant-son]

Dad's been in the care home for just over a week now. Living so far away I can only visit at weekends but I phone the home daily to see how he's doing and try to soothe my guilty conscience.

He's evidently still very depressed, refused to get out of bed yesterday, and his only topics of conversation are how much he wants to die and how betrayed he's been by me.

Is this a normal phase? How long might it last? Is there anything I should be doing to try and make things better?

There are a number of people who want to visit him in the home but is that a good idea at the moment or should they wait until he's settled in a bit more?

 

[angecmc]

Dad's been in the care home for just over a week now. Living so far away I can only visit at weekends but I phone the home daily to see how he's doing and try to soothe my guilty conscience.

He's evidently still very depressed, refused to get out of bed yesterday, and his only topics of conversation are how much he wants to die and how betrayed he's been by me.

Is this a normal phase? How long might it last? Is there anything I should be doing to try and make things better?

There are a number of people who want to visit him in the home but is that a good idea at the moment or should they wait until he's settled in a bit more?

Hi, dont despair, this is quite normal for some sufferers. My Mum took a long time to settle in, nearly a year and even mow two years on, she still sometimes wants to go home and gets angry with us, but usually by the next day she has forgotten and is calm again. You could ask the GP if they could give your Dad something for the depression, this can also be normal for dementia sufferers to be depressed. All I can suggest is that you try to change the subject when he is being negative with you. Keep visits fairly short, try to visit close to a meal time, so that you can exit when the meal is served. Use little love lies, such as, he has to stay there until the Dr says he is well enough to go home or there is repairs being done to his home at the moment. When you leave try saying you are going to doctors or work and will see him later. As for when you and the rest of the relatives and friends should visit and how often, it might be worth asking the staff for their thoughts. It is different for everyone, some are able to visit straight away everyday others have to leave it a few weeks to allow their relative to get used to their new home, some will only visit once or twice a week. It is so hard and unfortunately we all feel guilty leaving our relatives in the are home, but for me, I know I have done what is best for my Mum to keep her safe and as well as possible. Hope he settles soon and dont forget a lot of what he says and does is the dementia, take care xx

Ange

 

[irishmanc]

Yes, this is very normal. Please don't worry or blame yourself - all too easy to do. I think visitors are a nice distraction and offer some support to you too so there's not too much pressure on yourself. The manager at the CH told me that shorter visits from me were better than spending a whole day there. Nice for people with Az to see a variety of faces too.