Oh brother

[Tin]

Half mg worked, it slowed mum down, just had early fish and chip supper and she is now sitting on sofa talking to herself and not far off falling asleep. She has never taken Lorazepam so early. Only taken occasionally as an aid to night time sleep and then for 4 or 5 hours solid, usually no bladder control and in the morning utter confusion. So 10pm tonight could be interesting, but for now it will be an early night for both of us. Its really strange how I am reacting to what now seems to be one night a fortnight, because when mum first moved in with me before any medication, we had lots of sleepless nights and I coped really well, now I dread just one and everything else about this illness I can deal with, but this one night just floors me.

She is now playing with odds and ends she has found in coffee table drawer, putting bits of paper up to her mouth asking me if she can eat it, this is the Lorazepam.

 

[Ann Mac]

I'm glad she has calmed down for now at least Tin - I just hope she sleeps for you later! The lorazepan seemed (when it was working) to just take the edge of the mania and let Mil calm enough that we could talk her down - without the lorazepan, she just wasn't able to listen/comprehend anything we said to her, just completely fixed in an agitated loop. She would sleep after it - but we didn't have any more than the usual confusion when she woke, thankfully.

I know what you mean about it somehow it seeming harder to deal with something, when you've had a bit of a break from it. We had nearly 2 weeks of little or no sundowning, insults, meltdowns of any sort - then when she did blow, I really, really struggled to cope, despite the break beforehand

 

[Tin]

You are absolutely right about not being able to listen or comprehend when anxiety is so high, its almost like I am invisible and so distraction will not work. At least if this is becoming a 2 week pattern, its now over for another 2 weeks and I have learnt that half mg will help next time. So Christmas Eve may be the next time!

 

[lizzybean]

You poor love, I do not know how you cope.

 

[Tin]

Morning ladies, we are all 'fine' this morning, a little too happy if you know what I mean. We both slept well, but I'm still a little tired. I have still to find disposable knickers that mum was wearing last night! We have a sunny but cold day here, so we will be out this morning and home this afternoon. Mum let me check out her leg this morning, she may have scrapped it on a piece of furniture during her wandering, but it's only small so no need for medical attention. Hopefully tonight we will be back to normal with bath before bed and one of her favourite films on dvd, fingers crossed.

 

[Ann Mac]

Glad things are pretty good this morning, and that giving the lorazepan earlier worked out Tin - useful to know for the future, for you Hope the knicks turn up - I'm beginning to wonder if there is a black hole in this house, somewhere, that would account for all Mils missing clothes items

Expected a rough night for us last night - Mil had a review at day care yeserday, and anything like that tends to leave her agitated. Despite the fact that she often needs persuading to go there, and often complains and is in tears when we pick her up, once we got there for the meeting yesterday, Mil seemed really relaxed - in fact, hearing that a Christmas dinner and pud were on the menu, she opted to stay when we were leaving (she can go 5 days a week, but so far, 4 seems to have been her limit) and so we got an unexpected bonus! Last night, she was fizzing, and constantly hungry, and I was waiting for her to blow - but, she was fine - repetative, and talking incessantly, but no melt downs/I'm going home's/insults. So, this week will be her first 5 day week at day care - be interesting to see what the weekend brings after that!

 

[Tin]

mum was hungry around midnight too, she was up and dressed in day clothes wanting her breakfast, cut her off before she could get to kitchen, fridge full of food for the weekend! Got her back into pj's and bed. I then hid the tray of food that I leave out for her to nibble early morning, thought she may head for kitchen again while I was asleep, she did. Danish pastries, crisps, and chocolate tea cakes all gone and I can guarantee she shared all this with the dog. My utility room has more food hidden in it than the kitchen itself. Think I will have to put fridge in outbuilding and then just have dried and tinned stuff in pantry. one of mum's 'loops' goes like this: I'm awake, not tired so must be morning, get dressed and go to kitchen for tray, take back to bedroom, eat all. Fine if after 5 even 4am, but not before because later she will want to know where the tray has gone and I have to prepare another. Going to rethink the tray thing.

 

[Izzy]

Oh dear Tin. Keeps you on your toes!

 

[Tin]

Well it keeps me busy, All the forward planning and anticipating what mum might do if?? She is now taking a nap on sofa, restless nights sleep I guess, which I managed somehow to sleep through. Said she feels sick and her blood pressure has dropped just a little. She has obviously been up for a long time and the food she consumed before breakfast, no wonder she feels sick. The hardest thing for me is seeing her do things that will obviously put her in danger and that can sometimes be just trying to make a cup of tea! Going to try and keep today as calm as possible and hope the wandering loop doesn't kick in. As soon as she wakes going to take her out for coffee, I am in need of a very strong cup!

 

[Tin]

Mum's chatter just does not stop! Was always a chatter box. Everything she says is in the form of a question and ending with 'eh' or 'what'. And the narration of everything she is doing and I mean EVERYTHING. Getting really fed up of hearing her voice. Can't escape it either, she follows me everywhere!

MI5 could take a few tips from her, she would break anyone with this chatter!!!!!

 

[MrsTerryN]

Mum's default word nowadays is 'whatever' mums friend commented to me about it an di actually listened to conversations and she says that a lot.
Only problem is I have started to say it

 

[Ann Mac]

The non-stop chatter, I can relate to, Tin - Mil has days when she can't stop talking - not a narration, but just what seems to be a constant need to talk - repeatedly asking questions, or making comments and will even follow whatever she has asked or said by adding 'I know that really - I'm just looking for something to say'.

As you say, it can be one heck of an effective form of torture!

 

[MrsTerryN]

Ann and Tin do you always understand the conversation?

 

[Ann Mac]

Ann and Tin do you always understand the conversation?

Its not garbled, at all, Terry - very clear, very articulate, a lot of the time. Now and again, she asks something that makes no sense - for example, she asked me where do I live when OH is in work? And I tried saying 'here', and giving the address and saying 'in our house' - but none of that satisfied, and I honestly couldn't work out what sort of answer she was looking for That's only now and again though - mostly, the issues for me lie in the fact that a lot of what she says is about events/situations that exist only in her head - but I'm expected to have first hand knowledge of whatever she is talking about. I fudge and fib where I can, but if I say something that doesn't tally with whatever 'false' memory she is talking about, then it can annoy her or lead to her calling me a liar and getting worked up.

She is sometimes struggling for words or common phrases/sayings - but again, not too often - in the midst of a very bad temper spell a couple of weeks back, she suddenly started to repeatedly tell me that I had a 'heart of Gold' - I thanked her politely, and she repeated it, looking furious at my response. It was only after she had said it several times that she suddenly said 'No - I don't mean that - I mean you havent got a heart, you have a swinging brick instead', and I realised she had mixed up an insult with a compliment!

edited to add - we are starting to get her hopping from one subject to another, mid-speech - that can be very hard to follow, but again, its mainly when she is very agitated and not that often - yet!

 

[Tin]

I can understand her, like Ann's mil, mum is obviously thinking one thing but it comes out the opposite and she keeps stating the obvious for example 'oh you've got a cup of coffee have you, eh' and keeps asking me to look at what the dog is doing!! This kind of chatter used to drive my dad up the wall, he should be here now!!!!!

 

[Grace L]

I had months - upon - years .... when my husband would ask constant questions...

I'd reply .... and he would say ... 'How can I trust yooooouuuu, everything you say is debateable'....

He might of asked me the time, the day, the year, or if he had eaten lunch .... and was not believed.

Sooooo difficult not getting worn down by constant pointless other forms of banter.

 

[Tin]

Absolutely bang on 2 weeks and mum is having major sundowning. Cannot stay still for a moment. Started this morning when she found my hiding place for the chocolate, she had eaten 6 fudge bars before I got to her and then mid morning more chocolate! Now just anxiety about everything. So for self preservation and to stop her wandering in and out of the house, I have given her half mg of Lorazepam. Old age shouldn't be like this. Work hard all your live, pay your taxes through good and bad days, keep a clean house, care for a family and if you manage to reach 80 without any major health problems, you should be entitled to a relatively happy old age, but no, we now have Dementia!!

 

[Ann Mac]

Absolutely bang on 2 weeks and mum is having major sundowning. Cannot stay still for a moment. Started this morning when she found my hiding place for the chocolate, she had eaten 6 fudge bars before I got to her and then mid morning more chocolate! Now just anxiety about everything. So for self preservation and to stop her wandering in and out of the house, I have given her half mg of Lorazepam. Old age shouldn't be like this. Work hard all your live, pay your taxes through good and bad days, keep a clean house, care for a family and if you manage to reach 80 without any major health problems, you should be entitled to a relatively happy old age, but no, we now have Dementia!!

I feel your pain, Tin - its the sheer, bloody unfairness of it all. I keep find myself thinking that Mil never did anything to deserve being in the confused, frightened, state she is in - but then, no one does, do they I hope the lorazepan has helped, and that your mum's anxiety has eased xxx

Mil was dreadfully confused yesterday, we had her mainly convinced that OH is her husband and not her son, and wanting to know when they were both 'going home', and then her repeatedly convinced that a small box of chocs hubs was given in work, were 'sweeties' that she had been to the shops for, or 'got out of her case' - either way, she was convinced they were hers and most put out at OH helping himself.

She got up, 30 minutes ago (the rest of the family still in bed) and wanted to get her clothes on so she could 'get the coal in' and go to work. I've persuaded her back to bed, assuring her that its her 'day off' today, and that I've already got the coal in (not that we have a coal burning fire in the house!) - hoping another couple of hours sleep will help her - its awful to see someone who used to absolutely love Christmas, reduced to such a confused and agitated bundle by all the preparation and build up

Hope you manage to have a peaceful Christmas, Tin xxx

 

[MrsTerryN]

We visited mum today for Xmas. I had decided to not take her out. Well first face she saw was mine and she looked like she was ready to rip. Then, fortunately, she saw my husband and son.
During our visit she informed us she is taking up a new job cleaning.
That a stupid woman, she explained that was me, won't let her go out of 'this' place.
However she did agree that I could take her to the dentist next month at some stage though it was because the service provider to the nursing home comes from 'xxx suburb' and therefore he obviously any good.
She is still discussing that she shouldn't have got a gift from Legacy because she isn't a widow.
I have decided to enjoy tomorrow without thoughts of mum cause I kinda think Saturday will be unpleasant..
These couple of calm weeks have been nice
Dementia I loath and detest Tin. Mum and dad didn't deserve her to have this disease and to destroy their last few years together as it did.
Hope your MIL has a good day today Ann. I hope your mum is more settled Tin

 

[Tin]

Mum did calm down and is much better today, I gave her a few presents from the family opened and wrapped up again. I am pleased that I decided to treat today as just another day. Merry Christmas to you all.