LPA application and approving doners

Explorer24

New member
Jun 16, 2024
2
0
Hi my mum was diagnosed 4.5 years ago ( although we had noticed changes prior to this and recommended she get checked out ) she has a long term partner who is her primary carer. He took her for a taster day at a day center and left her there with no ID / phone / money keys.
She remebered my address vaguely and came to live with me for a week after staff found me by chance thankfully, the reason she had to live with me was because he refused to allow her home which after nasty phone calls it sounds like he had no interest in her returning and told her not to come to the home ( which she half owned). Obviously social services got involved and we agreed on some respite and help back at home once her partner would allow it.
Long story he got her out of respite early and returned to the home and refused carers due to not wanting to pay for it after social services enquired about finances. The funds are there for her to have help & care and should be used for this.
Hes now made it his mission to sort her LPA which was not sorted prior to this incident have (new will meetings this was all sorted previously)
He’s told other members of family that my mum wanted her children on her LPA but that the physiatrist has refused them being her attorney? Due to where they live or how often they visit ( which is most weeks )Has anyone had experience of this. I’ve spoken to OPG and they have said she can have anyone. Obviously are concern is her partner who we cannot be around due to their violent and threatening behaviour has ill intentions for being LPA but my mum is stuck in this coercive control environment and can’t see or understand what’s happening. We are just really worried as he does not nor in the past acted in her best interest and is only wanting to do this due to the financial aspect which again should be allowing her to have care and support .
 

northumbrian_k

Volunteer Host
Mar 2, 2017
4,758
0
Newcastle
Hi @Explorer24 and welcome to the Forum. I am sorry to hear about your situation. It isn't down to your mum's partner to decide who should be her attorneys. If she has capacity to act as Donor then it is your Mum's decision. It is nonsense to suggest that a psychiatrist would have any say in deciding this.

If she is unable to understand then she doesn't have the capacity to set up Power of Attorney. Equally, if there is evidence of coercion this too would be a barrier to making Lasting Power of Attorney.

This is all explained here:

 

PammieA

Registered User
Jan 17, 2024
82
0
Hello @Explorer24 welcome to this forum.
I have a similar issue (not quite the same) to you and it's both worrying and frustrating.
Mine is my stepdad who I've always had a difficult relationship with, he has been jealous of me & my mum's close relationship (40 years).
I explained to my mum what LPOA was and asked if she considered me for this role, she said yes.
However, my stepdad told me he has spoke to mum and discouraged her for choosing me, as all I'd do is put her in a care home - I was devastated as this couldn't be further from the truth.


I have taken advice and been told an LPA can be anyone, close and trustworthy to the person. But if my mum has capacity and has chosen not to have me, and this has been agreed via a solicitor, there is nothing I can do. My stepdad is mum's nok.
They went to their solicitors to finalise their will and POA a few days ago and he's refusing to tell me anything.
It's stressful and a horrible situation.
I can relate to your concerns.

Has your Mum still got mental capacity to choose herself who she wants?
can you talk to her alone?
If you know your mum's partner is controlling & coersive this must be a safeguarding issue, especially if there is social services involved. You must speak to the social worker and share your concerns.
Your mum is vulnerable and her partner is taking advantage of her.
All you need to do is speak out and try and do the very best for your mum.
I know that's what I've done, unfortunately I haven't been able to achieve what I feel is my mum's best interests.
Good luck.
Please keep posting here.
You'll gain lots of valuable insight and support.
 

Explorer24

New member
Jun 16, 2024
2
0
Hi @Explorer24 and welcome to the Forum. I am sorry to hear about your situation. It isn't down to your mum's partner to decide who should be her attorneys. If she has capacity to act as Donor then it is your Mum's decision. It is nonsense to suggest that a psychiatrist would have any say in deciding this.

If she is unable to understand then she doesn't have the capacity to set up Power of Attorney. Equally, if there is evidence of coercion this too would be a barrier to making Lasting Power of Attorney.
Hi @Explorer24 and welcome to the Forum. I am sorry to hear about your situation. It isn't down to your mum's partner to decide who should be her attorneys. If she has capacity to act as Donor then it is your Mum's decision. It is nonsense to suggest that a psychiatrist would have any say in deciding this.

If she is unable to understand then she doesn't have the capacity to set up Power of Attorney. Equally, if there is evidence of coercion this too would be a barrier to making Lasting Power of Attorney.


Hi @Explorer24 and welcome to the Forum. I am sorry to hear about your situation. It isn't down to your mum's partner to decide who should be her attorneys. If she has capacity to act as Donor then it is your Mum's decision. It is nonsense to suggest that a psychiatrist would have any say in deciding this.

If she is unable to understand then she doesn't have the capacity to set up Power of Attorney. Equally, if there is evidence of coercion this too would be a barrier to making Lasting Power of Attorney
Yes the OPG confirmed this that she can have who ever she decides , she has had a capacity test which deemed her able to make a LPA. We are concerned how this happened when living with us she didn’t know her address if she was married - She isn’t / if she owned a home / what her partner looked like. Just finding it difficult to do anything as she can’t tell us who these docters are or who her solicitors is she just refers to them as nice people . Obviously the partner doesn’t want us to know so also won’t disclose this information. We have spoken with her and she just says she’s looked after well even when we explain the abuse and try to remind her she’s in her own bubble and obviously we don’t want to upset her . He could say the sky is green and he would believe he is right as well as my mum. It’s just a very difficult situation. Thank you for the link
Yes the OPG confirmed this that she can have who ever she decides , she has had a capacity test which deemed her able to make a LPA. We are concerned how this happened when living with us she didn’t know her address if she was married - She isn’t / if she owned a home / what her partner looked like. Just finding it difficult to do anything as she can’t tell us who these docters are or who her solicitors is she just refers to them as nice people . Obviously the partner doesn’t want us to know so also won’t disclose this information. We have spoken with her and she just says she’s looked after well even when we explain the abuse and try to remind her she’s in her own bubble and obviously we don’t want to upset her . He could say the sky is green and he would believe he is right as well as my mum. It’s just a very difficult situation. Thank you for the link

Hello @Explorer24 welcome to this forum.
I have a similar issue (not quite the same) to you and it's both worrying and frustrating.
Mine is my stepdad who I've always had a difficult relationship with, he has been jealous of me & my mum's close relationship (40 years).
I explained to my mum what LPOA was and asked if she considered me for this role, she said yes.
However, my stepdad told me he has spoke to mum and discouraged her for choosing me, as all I'd do is put her in a care home - I was devastated as this couldn't be further from the truth.


I have taken advice and been told an LPA can be anyone, close and trustworthy to the person. But if my mum has capacity and has chosen not to have me, and this has been agreed via a solicitor, there is nothing I can do. My stepdad is mum's nok.
They went to their solicitors to finalise their will and POA a few days ago and he's refusing to tell me anything.
It's stressful and a horrible situation.
I can relate to your concerns.

Has your Mum still got mental capacity to choose herself who she wants?
can you talk to her alone?
If you know your mum's partner is controlling & coersive this must be a safeguarding issue, especially if there is social services involved. You must speak to the social worker and share your concerns.
Your mum is vulnerable and her partner is taking advantage of her.
All you need to do is speak out and try and do the very best for your mum.
I know that's what I've done, unfortunately I haven't been able to achieve what I feel is my mum's best interests.
Good luck.
Please keep posting here.
You'll gain lots of valuable insight and support.
Thank you it’s so awful isn’t it. That people in their most vulnerable states can be treated this way and be taken advantage of.

I’m sorry you’re also going through this.

We’ve spoken to her told her we just want the best for her and for her to be safe and happy but she’s just so confused when we tell her , that her partners lying an she says He looks after her we have nothing to worry about ( this is because he drums it in her head how wonderful he is )
All he’s interested in is the financial gain which the social services and carers agreed he has financial motivation for his actions.

Social services arnt helping very much as they say she’s told them she’s happy at home
And it is her home . shes very isolated and we can’t really visit when he’s there and she’s not using her phone as much or as well for us to contact to see if he’s there to visit.