Holiday

Moyra C

Registered User
Mar 26, 2023
50
0
Earlier I the year I booked a holiday for my OH and myself. We were going to join my sister and her family as a surprise and it was at the suggestion of my neice who said they were happy to help with my hubby while we would be there

He has changed quite a lot since booking and I have tried to think of all the eventualities that might happen. Probably overthinking.
However after the changes of the last few weeks I made a decision last night to go by myself and let two of my daughters look after him for the week
I know I need the rest as I have not liked how I feel and act towards him lately and feel that if we go away together I will resent him and it will spoil the time away

My daughters are saying to go. So why do I now feel so guilty and still trying to convince myself it’s the right decision. We do t go for two weeks. I know I will lose money and I am ok with this. I know I will have a lovely time with my sister and family.
But the guilt !!
 

SeaSwallow

Volunteer Moderator
Oct 28, 2019
7,024
0
Hello @Moyra C It's the famous dementia guilt monster sitting on your shoulders, ignore it. Please go on the holiday and put any guilt to one side, you need a holiday away from the stresses of caring. What amazing daughters you have to look after their dad whilst you are away, they obviously know and care that you need the break.
 

SherwoodSue

Registered User
Jun 18, 2022
777
0
I will be an absolute treat for you but quite possibly an absolute trial for OH, change of routine and fatigue etc

Only one decision to make therefore

Investing in your well being is investment in sustainability of your OH’s longer term care.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
25,681
0
Southampton
please go and have a good time. there is a bashing stick on here that most have had a turn with, your turn to use it to bash the guilt monster off of your shoulder.
 

BeeBeeDee

Registered User
Apr 19, 2023
154
0
Please go and have a lovely time knowing your daughters are taking care of him. I know the G word is always lurking in the background but try to ignore it Xx
 

Oscar 10

Registered User
Nov 3, 2023
25
0
Hi I definitely think you should go and have some you time please don’t try not to feel guilty your daughters will take care of him and maybe realise how hard it is for you hopefully he will have forgotten about your break when you return I think it would have spoilt the break if you took him with you also you don’t know when you will get this opportunity again xx
 

Moyra C

Registered User
Mar 26, 2023
50
0
Many thanks folks for the knowing voice of reason. I am such an independent person who is usually helping everyone else. Trouble shooting and determined. But I know I need help and have started looking in to this.
I know going for week will recharge my batteries ready for the next chapters in this saga. The guilt will still be there family say go. Friends say go. So I am doing it. X
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
25,681
0
Southampton
Many thanks folks for the knowing voice of reason. I am such an independent person who is usually helping everyone else. Trouble shooting and determined. But I know I need help and have started looking in to this.
I know going for week will recharge my batteries ready for the next chapters in this saga. The guilt will still be there family say go. Friends say go. So I am doing it. X
That's good news. I hope you have a great time, sometimes you can be too independent
 

Chizz

Registered User
Jan 10, 2023
4,357
0
Kent
Many thanks folks for the knowing voice of reason. I am such an independent person who is usually helping everyone else. Trouble shooting and determined. But I know I need help and have started looking in to this.
I know going for week will recharge my batteries ready for the next chapters in this saga. The guilt will still be there family say go. Friends say go. So I am doing it. X
Good for you @Moyra C !
 

sdmhred

Registered User
Jan 26, 2022
2,704
0
Surrey
Well done Moyra!

How about thinking of you DIDNT go and had burnout and ur OH needed emergency respite - how much MORE guilty you would feel….

Doctor’s orders and prescription - one holiday!
 

Moyra C

Registered User
Mar 26, 2023
50
0
Well done Moyra!

How about thinking of you DIDNT go and had burnout and ur OH needed emergency respite - how much MORE guilty you would feel….

Doctor’s orders and prescription - one holiday!
Thankyou. Wouldn’tit be nice in prescription
 

Veritas

Registered User
Jun 15, 2020
338
0
My daughters are so good. They really understand how hard this is and so supportive and protective. But you never stop being their mum and want to protect them too. X
Yup. Exactly. But, it’s no help to anyone, including your OH and your daughters, if you fall over. So take that holiday, beat the guilt monster off your shoulder, and enjoy the freedom to be responsible only for yourself for a bit.
 

Shem56

Registered User
Aug 31, 2020
146
0
Oh I could have just written this post. We have a 3 day coach trip booked from Friday this week and my sister is joining us. Hubby is refusing to go. He is convinced someone is trying to kill him and its not safe.
He wont eat his food as he thinks its being poisoned.
I am going to go on this trip even if he doesn't come and I have asked my neighbours to look in on him. He will still carry on his routine of sleep, bed and pub whether I am there or not.
Yes I will feel very guilty about leaving him but I know the break will be good for me.
I will keep in contact with the neighbours daily and will ring our house phone in the hope he answers.
Will he remember I have gone away or will he be looking for me when I am not there, now Im worried about leaving him alone!
 

sapphire turner

Registered User
Jan 14, 2022
617
0
That’s what makes it so hard going away. If I go away, with or without cover for him, he won’t answer his phone, or ring me if he is in trouble. I can see where he is by phone (if he hasn’t left it in the house) or by AirTag, if he hasn’t taken it off his keys (and it can be not much help, eg where he was half an hour ago)
I used to be able to go out in the day to do shopping and various chores but now he can’t always remember where I have gone and comes out to look for me.
More and more I am having to get cover for any time I am going out. Everything seems to change for the worst!
 

Anthoula

Registered User
Apr 22, 2022
2,685
0
I am off to Crete to-day for 2 weeks. Got OH into a lovely care home on Monday for 3 weeks respite. Was dreading getting him through the door as he had always adamantly rejected respite, or any form of care up to that point. However, with the support of the admiral nurse and a splashing of devious untruths the task was done. After so long as OH`s sole carer I desperately need the break to recharge my batteries and consider how to move forward. I also think it will provide the opportunity for others to see the stage OH has reached in his dementia, whereas up to this point they have only had my word to describe how he is.