Hi, I’m new and need advice

snowflakegirly

New member
Jun 9, 2024
7
0
Hello all, I could really use some advice on how to handle this situation as im now quite uncomfortable. I’m currently staying with my dad for a week while my mom is out of town. He has dementia and alzheimers. Just a bit ago he said he didnt want to ruin our time together, but he had something he wanted to tell me. Unfortunately he said it. He told me for years he’s wanted to “touch” me. I said well, don’t. And i changed the subject. A few minutes later he said not to tell my mom or husband. I told him I wouldn’t. He has never been the type of man to talk this way or do anything inappropriate at all. I’ve excused myself from the room for now, but how should I handle this? I truly hope this is the dementia and not how he’s actually felt. Please help. I’m here alone for several more days.
 

RM3

Registered User
Feb 4, 2024
727
0
Hello @snowflakegirly. I just wanted to acknowledge your post. I am sure someone with some experience of something similar will message soon.
It is not the same as not a relative but a couple of years ago, I was caring for a man in his home (he had dementia). I was helping him in the kitchen and he suddenly grabbed my hand and pulled it to his groin and asked me to touch him. I of course immediately pulled away and I was mortified but I managed to compose myself. I knew that I could not reason with him, so I quickly distracted him and (for him), it was as though it never happened (and never did again).
It can do strange things to them and things that most would be mortified about pre dementia.
I know this is not the same scenario but you will find a lot of understanding on the forum. Take care and look after your well-being too. X
 

RM3

Registered User
Feb 4, 2024
727
0
Thank you. It’s just hard process it being my dad and the fact we’re here alone.
I can only imagine. I have no sound advice with experience of this particular situation. It may not happen again but you will still be left with a sickening feeling of what he said.
I have learned through reading many posts on the forum, that some people get focused on sexual thoughts. It isn’t your dad as you know him, it is the dementia. Process it though and perhaps talk it through with someone close to you.
Above all, don’t feel vulnerable. Even if that means your mum having to come home early if possible. Or your husband being there? X
 

My Mum's Daughter

Registered User
Feb 8, 2020
773
0
Thank you. It’s just hard process it being my dad and the fact we’re here alone.
How horrific for you.

If you have safe access to his meds, please check to see if he's on donepezil aka aricept which is medication used for Alzheimer's. This medication can lead to an increase in libido and sometimes inappropriate sexual behaviour. If he's taking this medication, please contact his doctor at the first opportunity.
 

Sue741215

Registered User
Oct 18, 2019
444
0
I think the way you handled it was spot on @snowflakegirly giving a firm no and then distracting him. It must have been very shocking but I suggest you stop worrying about if this is real and accept it for one of those weird dementia things. Hopefully the behaviour will not be repeated but if it is and you feel unsafe you could contact the advice line for advice on the best source of getting help quickly.
 

snowflakegirly

New member
Jun 9, 2024
7
0
I think the way you handled it was spot on @snowflakegirly giving a firm no and then distracting him. It must have been very shocking but I suggest you stop worrying about if this is real and accept it for one of those weird dementia things. Hopefully the behaviour will not be repeated but if it is and you feel unsafe you could contact the advice line for advice on the best source of getting help quickly.
Ok thank you. If it happens again should I tell him that’s inappropriate? Or what should I say?
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
25,681
0
Southampton
i wouldnt have promised not to tell your husband/mum. hopefully it wont happen again. if it does happen again, it will make it harder to tell someone. i agree with @Grannie G dementia or not, its not appropriate.
 

snowflakegirly

New member
Jun 9, 2024
7
0
i wouldnt have promised not to tell your husband/mum. hopefully it wont happen again. if it does happen again, it will make it harder to tell someone. i agree with @Grannie G dementia or not, its not appropriate.
I did tell my husband. My mom on the other hand is dealing with helping my brother through a personal loss a long way away. So not the best time to talk to her about it.
 

Alisongs

Registered User
May 17, 2024
713
0
Hello all, I could really use some advice on how to handle this situation as im now quite uncomfortable. I’m currently staying with my dad for a week while my mom is out of town. He has dementia and alzheimers. Just a bit ago he said he didnt want to ruin our time together, but he had something he wanted to tell me. Unfortunately he said it. He told me for years he’s wanted to “touch” me. I said well, don’t. And i changed the subject. A few minutes later he said not to tell my mom or husband. I told him I wouldn’t. He has never been the type of man to talk this way or do anything inappropriate at all. I’ve excused myself from the room for now, but how should I handle this? I truly hope this is the dementia and not how he’s actually felt. Please help. I’m here alone for several more days.
If it happens again, deflect him and leave. Report this to Social Services. It is a safeguarding issue for you, him, and anyone else he comes in contact with. Keep him safe, keep yourself safe, and keep others safe
 

MartinA1

New member
Jul 13, 2024
2
0
Hello all, I could really use some advice on how to handle this situation as im now quite uncomfortable. I’m currently staying with my dad for a week while my mom is out of town. He has dementia and alzheimers. Just a bit ago he said he didnt want to ruin our time together, but he had something he wanted to tell me. Unfortunately he said it. He told me for years he’s wanted to “touch” me. I said well, don’t. And i changed the subject. A few minutes later he said not to tell my mom or husband. I told him I wouldn’t. He has never been the type of man to talk this way or do anything inappropriate at all. I’ve excused myself from the room for now, but how should I handle this? I truly hope this is the dementia and not how he’s actually felt. Please help. I’m here alone for several more days.
That must be distressing. My Father's dementia has worsened in past year - he is 87, similarly he will suddenly say odd things that seem to come out the blue. Not similar to those you describe but does seem to be a common problem with dementia that sufferers get so confused they say disturbing things...