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John.glen

New member
Jun 17, 2024
1
0
Hello, I am 19 and i care after my granny who has dementia and i decided to join this as i am struggling mentally. I want to breakdown into tears when i see the shell of a woman she has become and when I get frustrated and shout at her i feel like the worst person in the world as i know it is not her fault but i cant keep it together anymore. I feel like it is also driving my parents apart due to the stress and lack of support from the local authority. I would like to know, does it get any easier?
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
82,688
0
Kent
Welcome @John.glen

I hope you are not feeling responsible for your parents as well as your granny. This is far too much for you.

It only gets easier if you arrange for help with care otherwise you can get carer breakdown.

Have your parents had a carers assessment? This will get them onto social services books and let them know what help is available.
 

333pjb

Registered User
Jun 17, 2024
22
0
Hello,

The burden you are carrying at a young age is heavy.

Over a few decades of 'life' those in their 50’s and 60’s with aging parents, build up some resilience from having friends and colleagues who have gone through similar situations and who can offer support.
I doubt in your case many of your friends or associates are going through the same situation.

The frustration comes from the feeling of helplessness and the fact we cannot fix what’s wrong with the person we love. In other aspects of life ‘someone is to blame’ or, someone can be punished for what has happened. Unfortunately here there isn’t anyone who is to blame, it seems so unfair, and we can’t do anything to change the future, and that’s what hurts us.

See if there is anything you can do for your parents to keep you all together as a strong group. Try and share with your parents how what’s happening in your head and how your granny's illness is affecting you. They may be wrapped up in their own fears for what the future holds to see that it is hurting you also.

Contact the professionals and ask for support – I know the local authorities everywhere are a bit rubbish but they do have to provide some support. Ask for what help is available.

Also, if you feel its right, contact organisations like the Salvation Army to ask if there is anything they could offer in support. Sometimes someone coming round, making a cup of tea and having a friendly chat with you all is a start of something wonderful.

I can’t say that things do get easier, they won’t. What does happen is that we get stronger to enable us to cope. We find the strength from somewhere because we have to in order to carry on.

What you do for your granny on her journey will stay with you for the rest of your life. What you are doing for your granny day-to-day is the best way you can express how much you value her.


Good luck.