Some readers asked why have I been off TP for so long

[Barry]

Hi one and all,

I’m sorry that I have been off line for some time but the reason being that we have been having some major rebuilding renovation work done inside our house in readiness for my stepdaughter (Yuni) Engagement party next month and the Wedding next June so I had to completely disconnect and move the computer out the way which in itself is very confusing for me now given all the cables running into the computer.

Then there is all the planning that I have to do for the Wedding which is nothing like a wedding in the UK as out here it’s a traditional 3 day and 2 nights continues event in our home and garden, it’s not just a family affair but one that becomes a village event, we will be sending out over 1000 invitations (1 per family) so now times that by two add in some additional children and you will realize that over the 3 days of the wedding there will be well over 2000 heads / guests that all have to be feed and every guest must also have a souvenir gift of the wedding to take home so the amount of pre-planning is somewhat unbelievable and you can just imagine what it’s doing to my Alzheimer’s mind in terms of added confusion, but to my surprise I have been coping with the renovation work despite all the horrendous noise, mess and the wedding planning OK and was felling very pleased with myself and in an excellent frame of mind, well that was until the other weekend.

It was a Saturday and as the first step of the renovation work was done and the builders out the way my wife Sumi and I decide to have a day out shopping and getting more things sorted out for the wedding.

It had been a great relaxing day out until we got back home at about 4pm and then absolute chaos ensued, we had no sooner finished putting the shopping away and it started to drizzle with rain but we all said thank goodness as it’s been so dry for the past few months the amount of dust floating around in the air has been terrible, then the heavens opened and it poured with torrential monsoon rain, then all of a sudden we heard ‘Yuni’ shout out ‘Ma, Ma’ meaning (Mum) so we rushed to see what the problem was to be confronted with a waterfall of rain water pouring through the new kitchen roof just where it’s been repaired so Sumi calls her bother who quickly gets onto the roof and finds that some of the roof tiles had moved, at this point I was still OK but then I started to look at the ceiling around the house and noticed that rain was also pouring through the roof onto the new ceiling in Yuni’s bedroom and floor so this time Sumi’s brother clambers into the loft and finds that his other brother that had been helping with the renovation had not put some of the roof tiles back in place after having moved them to let in light when working, at this point I was stating to get a bit more confused but said well OK accidents do happen but he should have checked! Then I noticed that water had started to come through the ceiling right above where we have repositioned the computer and it was dripping onto the computer which sent me into a panic and it was at this point that ‘Mr D‘ came into play with vengeance, but at least I had the sense to shout to Yuni telling her to pull the main computer electrical plug out the wall and I covered the computer with plastic sheeting, but by now the rain water was starting to turn into a stream so of course I started to panic even more as I was afraid it would get into the computer system, Sumi’s brother was now trying to repair that part of the roof and managed to stop the rain from pouring in but said it must be repaired again the next day as the guttering had also moved from when the builders had been walking on the roof, so I shouted to Sumi should I move the computer again?? But the miscommunication reply I got was (I understand) by this time I was in complete and utter confusion and literally going in circles holding my head not knowing what to do for the best as I had realized that if it continued to rain again throughout the night then the whole computer system would have been damaged beyond repair, so I said to Yuni we move it again but I was in such a panic of disorientation I did not know where to start disconnecting all the cables, I was trembling like a leaf and my hands would not let me do anything as Mr D was completely in control of any reasoning, my hands and body where twitching from right to left ‘what do I do, where do I start’ all I could do was to clutch my head and was shouting ‘I cant do this, it’s to much for me’ and collapsed on the floor in my own downpour of tears and total frustration shouting at everyone (Please take this illness away, take this illness away) which is something I have never done before! poor Sumi and Yuni stood somewhat helpless not knowing what to do to help me as they have never seen me like that before, but Sumi quickly gave me a stress tablet and then gently massaged my neck and shoulders to ease the tension building up in me, after a while I managed to pull myself together and managed to disconnect all the computer again and move it out the way, but I was in a really bad mental state and can remember thinking ‘Why’ after I had been alright throughout all the renovation work did this have to happen.

Then as I sat on the bed in the evening it made me realize even more about not having any type of support network out here in Indonesia for people with dementia as obviously Sumi and Yuni where in their own state of shock at my condition and needed some words of support for themselves but for them there is nowhere to turn and no telephone help line for help or advice and I was certainly not in any state of mind to try and console them, when anything like this happens they have to try and cope with it in there own way and self fortitude, hence a few days later I wrote the poem “You are my Strength” that you can read in the poem section for my darling wife

Barry

[Vonny]

Hi Barry,

What a catastrophe and I think you have coped amazingly. I don't have dementia but I'm not sure if I could have coped with what you have had to, culminating in the disastrous leaks. Also, while we obviously get bad weather over here and torrential rain, we don't have to cope with monsoons which I believe are much worse than our downpours.

Well done you and Sumi, you have done a magnificent job and I'm sure that when it is all sorted out the extension will be fab.

Lovely to have you back with us

Vonny xx

[KenC]

Hi Barry

It sounds as if you are having a rough time at present, but I hope that things are soon sorted out for you again.
I don't find it very easy to cope with builders in the house these days, so I dread to think how you are feeling after all of this.
I hope all goes well at the engagement party.

All the best

Ken

[Helen33]

It really is so good to see you online and I feel so privileged that you have shared this recent part of your life with us.

It is wonderful that you managed to cope with such a large renovation project and also managed to cope with the work leading up to the wedding. These things can be very stressful and trying for anyone. Mind you I can't imagine such a big wedding and I think I would remain freaked out for the duration

I can't imagine how I would have coped with the monsoon coming in and threatening my computer and the rest of my home I always have particular sympathy for people having to cope with the effects of floods. It was so good to read that Sumi was able to comfort you amidst all this chaos and for you to know what it must be like for her at times without the support that we have to hand. Then to write a poem dedicated to Sumi - that is amazing. It really is wonderful to have the story and the poem together Barry - it is like getting to know you more fully

Love and best wishes

[Grannie G]

When we were first married we lived in an old house with a slated roof. One night a gale blew slates off the roof and the rain leaked through from the attics to the graound floor, affecting all the electrical wiring and ruining furniture and bedding.

I will never forget the despair as we tried to clear up and my heart goes out to you and Suni having to experience such devastation.

It sounds as if you felt a long way from home Barry, and I can identify with that too, as my husband also often feels a long way from home.

Take care xx

[Izzy]

What a time you've been having Barry! Good luck with the wedding preparations - and everything else! Izzy x

[Helen33]

It is so much easier to read now that the photos have been re-sized

Love

[Barry]

Many thanks for all your very thoughtful comments which as always are greatly appreciated, but I must apologize to you all as when I posted the thread I forgot to resize the photos so it came out at far more than a one screen width (stupid man I am!) But as you can see have now rectified the error.

Although as you will appreciate over the coming months I am still going to be very busy with all the wedding preparations but will still be popping in and out of TP with my news, stories and poems.

God bless you all

Barry

[Helen33]

will still be popping in and out of TP with my news, stories and poems.

That's good to hear Barry and we will be wishing you well and appreciating how difficult it is going to be at times

Love

[julieann15]

Hi Barry
Sorry to read that you have had so much upheaval in your life. I do hope things settle down soon.
Please do remember that us ladies love weddings so please do post some photos of the event?

Love Julie xx