Help with nightmares?

[Tender Face]

OK folks, some have already noted I am practically nocturnal once again .... thought I was doing really well, until a few weeks ago when all of a sudden lots of nightmares have occurred again – mostly around death and what I can only describe as ‘strange reincarnations’. I can think of some triggers (not necessarily to do with mum) anniversaries, other events which may have triggered them again .... although the nightmares are generally around mum (don’t want to get too explicit about them for fear of upsetting anyone else) ...... during the day I don’t feel particularly down and depressed, (although tired of course through not sleeping) but once again I am looking at 3am approaching and just daren’t go to sleep.

Hubby has suggested it’s because I witnessed her death and perhaps I need some specific bereavement counselling around it. (Some may recall I was a real wimp in that department when I knew the time was approaching and whilst I was glad to be there I wonder it is having repercussions?) I really don’t know ...
Just wondered how anyone else has coped/is coping with nightmares ..... or do I accept this is just a manifestation of grief which otherwise I seem to be Ok with – but perhaps I am not really?

Thanks, Karen, x

[Vonny]

Hi Karen,

I had shocking nightmares for about 2 years after my husband died, mostly involving him coming back from the dead in some weird form, like Pet Sematary. I would wake sweating, gasping, crying, shaking and unable to return to sleep for fear of the dreams.

About 2 years after his death, when I was going through my problems with my son, I went for counselling and found myself working through Bri's death. Although I have the very occasional nightmare, I'd say the recurrent ones stopped around the time I was opening up to the counsellor.

I couldn't have gone to a counsellor straight after his death, but I found that the 2 year mark was a good time for me to start getting it all straight in my mind. Because his death was practically a suicide despite it being a brain haemorrage (alcoholic, trying to kill himself before he had to go into rehab because I told him I'd leave if he didn't try rehab...you can imagine the guilt trip I was on) it was too much to sort out in my head in the early days.

I can't advise a counsellor because they aren't for everyone, but I'm glad I went because the nightmares were beastly foul.

Good luck Karen

Vonny xx

[Rosie]

Hia Karen,
Have you thought about seeing you GP for advice, I know easier said than done sometimes. I'm lucky, my GP is female & very , very understanding. My Mam has recently passed away ( Sept 26th) & my GP has been most supportive. I get strange dreams ( not nightmares) thank goodness but maybe your GP could suggest some therapy of some sort, counselling ? Just a suggestion, maybe you havent got the time to go even. Have you tried all the normal trying to relax before bedtime things, bath, warm horlicks, reading?
Must be terrible to be afraid to go to sleep, but there's only so long you can function without having sufficient sleep, hope you find solution soon, take care, Luv & hugs Rosie x x x

[Helen33]

I was wondering whether you'd experienced nightmares before and whether there could be any link to this time of the year?

With regard to counselling, it might be worth talking it through with the GP first and ruling out other factors such as menopause, side effects of any medication etc. etc.

Love and hoping that you find a way of having peaceful sleep

[Tender Face]

Originally Posted by Vonny

.... mostly involving him coming back from the dead in some weird form,

Phew, thanks, Vonny. It’s not just me then? Bizarre, surreal, disturbing .... nothing like the nightmares I had after mum first died when it could be explained as an obvious subconscious ‘reliving’ of events ...... not known for nightmares (one other time in life which had obvious causes) ... nor even for vivid dreams normally – so this has spooked me ....... never went through anything like this after dad died (and very significant anniversary around him this last week which may have been a trigger, yet he never features in these horrid dreams?). All about mum and ‘after-life’ and her state of mind ....... and her re-appearing in the strangest of places .... and a ‘narrator’ keeps telling me ‘It’s not her fault – she has dementia so she can’t remember she is supposed to be dead’. It is absolutely freaking me.

Thought I might keep a ‘dream diary’ in case I rush back to therapy (used counsellors before for various specific issues with various degrees of success and/or disturbance) but not sure I don’t just want to try to eliminate the images as quickly as possible rather than record them? They would read like a plot for a Stephen King novel at the mo .......

Thanks all of you .... I figure this won’t last forever?

Karen, x

[Cate]

Hi Kaz

I still have nightmares too. As you know I was with mum 24/7 that last week of her life and watched her pass away on my own in the wee small hours, clearly the little tinker was going when she was ready. I still have very strange nightmares surrouding her death, I wake up at ungodly hours with my pillow soaking wet where I have obviously been crying in my sleep. I have talked to colleages in work, as you know they are Psychiatrists, and apparently I'm not 'odd' its grief, and the nightmares, should in time become less vivid, and eventually pass.

With luck it wont last for ever, and I have to say, for me it is getting less.

Hang on in there.
Love
Cate xxxxx