Respite - how often?

[Bristolbelle]

I have really woken up to how much I have been neglecting the rest of my family and myself. Now I'm determined to get into the habit of sending my Mum for respite but I'm wondering how often I should do it? When it was first suggested over a year agao my SW recommended 6 weeks a year, I'm thinking one week every two months? I don;t want to make it too often as I do still get the guilt monster hunting me down, and it's not fair on Mum. the last thing I want is her to thikn it will suddenly beceom a permanent arrangement. Equally I want it to be often enough for me to feel some real benefit, and for her to hopefully remeber it wasn't so bad and even start looking forward to the routine of having a break of her own. All suggestions welcome, initially Mum would be self-funding which is also a consideration.

[Vonny]

Hi Bristolbelle,

I think 1 week every 2 months sounds great...not too often that your mum will feel she is being "shoved out of the way" and not too infrequent for you and family to become exhausted.

What a balancing act; I think carers must be latent jugglers to keep all the plates spinning and all the balls in the air at once!

Vonny xx

[Canadian Joanne]

I also think 1 week every two months would be good. If you are planning a two week holiday, you should adjust accordingly. Why not set up all the respite in advance if you can? You'll then have something in place to look forward to when times are rough.

[Helen33]

I have one weekend every 2 months because Alan is cared for in our home but if he went to a care home he could have 1 week every 6 weeks.

Personally, I would find every 6 weeks to much for me to organise and would be worried that it could become a chore rather than a proper break. I can imagine though that as the situation deteriorates, every 6 weeks would be welcome!!

Wishing you well whatever you decide.

[zoet]

Hi Bristolbelle. I have 8 weeks a year.
That sounds like alot I know, but i split it into three 2 week breaks and two ones, which I keep for emergencies.
Once you get into the routine of having a break its bliss, and EVERYBODY benefits. We pay for the break, and after the first couple of times I found packing and organising a breeze.
I tell dad he's going on holiday and he loves it. I pack lots of goodies for him to enjoy over the stay, and I NEVER go to see him or ring. If there is a problem they ring me. That way I simply am trying my best to have a bit of normality for my family and I and dad doesnt get confused. the home are brilliant and dont think Im some sort of callous so and so- they understand we NEED the break. They look after him very well, and apart from a few bits of clothing going missing I have no complaints.
I feel, for me, I have to sort of compartmentalise it. I put his respite in a mental box, and close the lid on it for the time he's there. Thats what works for me. If I didnt do that the guilt would ruin everything. you must find a way to make it work for you too.....the rest, both mental and physical, keeps you going through the tough times. Good luck. xx

[sunray]

I only take two two week breaks a year but I also get two three day breaks as Ray goes to "Camp Breakaway" ( a local camp for the disabled and frail elderly) and I have found a Dementia cottage that will take him over a weekend so I have used that once too.

After the two week breaks Ray always has a big adjustment to being at home (not enough staff here) so he is a bit demanding for two or three days. I felt very selfish and guilty the first time I put him into respite but now realize without a break I become tired and irritable so taking a break does make me more pleasant and attentive to his needs.

I think it is well worth the effort to have a break either away from home or here by myself. And with some planning I have had some very pleasant times with my family.

I am sure that after the first break you will know how much time you need to feel rested yourself

Sue.

[gigi]

Hi Bristolbelle,

You mention that mum is to be self funding...so maybe money will have to be taken into the equation, too.

I've been advised to take a week every 8 weeks..which is roughly equivalent to 8 weeks a year.
Like others have suggested..if and when I get this up and running..I'll probably have a couple of forthightly slots so that I can pull in a holiday...

Love xx