Dealing with aggression

[thompkr7]

My dad was diagnosed with altziemers 2 years ago.But i feel he has had it for a lot longer than this.My mum died in 2008 and since then my dad has lived with us.I have had to pack up work to care for him. And i found out after 18 months i was entitled to some help.Just recently my dad has deteriarated very rapidly and got very vocal and rude in public places mainly. He also threatens people with violence.He has not hurt anybody yet. But he is telling me to shut my mouth and many other things. The words i can ignore but what i am worried about is if he was to turn on me.I would not know how to deal with it. Do i tell him off , how do you calm the situation down.any advice would be good. excuse the spelling Thanks Karen

[jenniferpa]

Hi Karen and welcome to Talking Point.

Whether you can calm him down depends a lot on if you know what sets him off. I know that sounds obvious, but sometimes things aren't always what they appear to be. Also, of course, we are talking about dementia and there may not be a specific trigger (or at least not one that anyone can do anything about). And what works sometimes, may not work at others, sadly.

You mention it happens mainly in public places. It's possible that too much stimulus (crowds, noise, open spaces) makes him feel threatened. Possibly he tires easily and it comes out like this. Have you spoken to his doctor? You say this has happened recently - has he been checked for a "silent" infection such as a UTI - this can cause rapid deterioration.

Generally, if at all possible, it can be a good idea to try to avoid those situations which trigger this, but that's not always possible. Some people, (sometimes) have managed to partially change this behaviour by refusing to listen to it, but that is really only practical if you can walk away and he's in a safe place (i.e. home). Agreeing with him might calm him, even if you are agreeing to something that seems ridiculous to you.

Please consult his doctor: even if this is "just" a downturn, there may be medication that might help him. In the final analysis though, I feel quite strongly that no one should live in fear. It maybe that if he progresses further and is actually violent he may have to go into hospital for assessment , either voluntarily or under a "section".