Looking for help

[Dee-]

Hi, I am new to this and am hoping to be able to speak to people that can help. My partners mum is 82 and is suffering from the onset of dementia. Although this hasn't been clincally diagnosed, we are due to go to hospital for results of the brain scan on the 21 Sept.

The help I need at the moment is how can I get my partner to accept his mum's illness. He openly admits that he doesn't want to accept it and deal with it, but he is an only child. Although I am here for support, in whatever way he needs me, he has no other family to turn to, and I am struggling to know how I can help him come to terms with this cruel illness.

I have tried to get him to the carers group and have managed on 1occasion, but he doesn't want to go as this means accepting the issues are real - can anyone tell me of any other support I may be able to get for him?

I would love to hear from anyone that can help .... Dee

[Grannie G]

Hello Dee
Give your partner time to come to terms with this. Not everyone can face it.
But as his mother`s condition deteriorates and she becomes more dependent, I`m ure he`ll learn to acknowledge it, even if he is unable to accept it.

[Helen33]

A warm welcome to Talking Point. I suspect that your partner will face it in his own way, in his own time and as the disease progresses. If your mother-in-law has a dementia of some kind then the demands of care make it very difficult to ignore especially as your partner is an only child.

Very best wishes to you.

[christine_batch]

Hello Dee

Welcome to Talking Point.

You can download fact sheets from the main page and it will help you.

Talking Point is always here to help you in any way that all the virtual friends here can.

Best wishes
Christine

[wendylew1]

Keep communicating with him. Let him talk when he wants. It took me a while to accept that mum wasn't mum any more, but it helps to talk, shout, scream, tell him that. Bottling it up doesn't do anyone any good. It will make anyone ill.
One thing I was told is to not argue with the person involved. My dad used to shout at mum, to "bring her back to reality" as he called it. All it did was upset mum and 5 minutes later the same thing would happen again.
If they are at an early stage, talking about good things from the past helps to keep them involved, my mum gets that wrong sometimes but getting her talking livens her up.
we've had some laughs as well as tears.
Lots of love. Wen

[ruthie2]

Hello Dee

I think it will take time. My mother has had a diagnosis of Alzhiemers for over two years now and I have slowing watched the mother I love disappear to be replaced by someone I don't recognise. I have greived for her loss whilst she is still alive, which is a really bizarre thing to go through. I think it is really important to keep talking and be open about what is happening to your mum in law and your family. Find out as much as you can about the disease. Give your partner time and space to cope with this in his own way. I know that I have dealt with my mum's illness in a completely different way to both of my brothers, what works for me didn't work for them.

Hope this helps

Ruth