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  1. #1
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    oh my------do i need my mom for this one!

    so many of you answered and i really appreciated everything about my son marrying the wrong lady. i cant explain it, but i had an intuition and i followed it thru. well---what can i say! i find out things on the computer. we talk all the time. whats jhappening to my precious boy? why is he allowing this girl to do this? ifn my mom were here , id run to the phone. i just have my husband and hes also in a quandry.i ask questions and i get lies.to find out things on a computer about your own child! im hurt, but im very angry too. this isnt him. how can he allow this?i was ready to blast him, but then i held back. let him go thru with it. hell see life finally for what it is., and its not easy.i will not send a gift for lies. this is killing me--my beautiful boy with a girl like this! my mom always said im smart. i can do anything, but can i do this? can i handle this one alone? my mom was so wise. oh how i need her wisdom now. my dad was wise too. they had faith in me, but do i have faith in me? i sure hope i get this one right because its his life. hes such a good boy.this girl is a manipulator. im pretty good with the computer and if its there ill find it.but why find things like this on a computer? we talk all the time and she is manipulating him. i know his friends. they all call me MOM. they knew my mom too. we were like 1 happy family till this girl came in the picture.she doesnt fit in with his friends, but i cant say a word. so i think--how i need my mom for this one! i think this one will finally test me to see if i truly am like my mom said--that i can handle anything.she was a good teacher. ill say that for her. i just hope im up to this one.

  2. #2
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    HI oh how distressed you are-I am sorry for you. Your son will eventually see the truth for himself as you have taught him from your life skills book as his mum.Also youWILL handle everything - you mum was obviously a good teacher and taught you well.Be brave , strong and believe in yourself as I am sure your mum is watching over you.Take care Lorraine xx

  3. #3
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    do i need my mom for this one!

    lorraine i must thank you for literally waking me up. you are so right.sure i wish my parents were here, but they were good teachers. i thought and thought about what you wrote and i remember my dad always telling me YOU CAN GET THRU ANYTHING IN LIFE. IT SEEMS LIKE YOU CANT AT THE TIME, BUT WITH PATIENCE AND PSYCHOLOGY YOU CAN. my mom would tell me I DONT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT YOU BECAUSE YOURE SUCH A GOOD MOM AND YOU KNOW WHAT TO SAY. YOURE LIKE YOUR FATHER. i dont think im as smart as my dad was, but i do realize i ned the day yesterday to really think.im going thru eye surgeries now, my husband has heart troubles--it never ends, but thats life unfortunately. i see my son loves me and thats what counts. i will not tell not to marry this girl, even though i know shes wrong. shes a manipulator, but he has to see it. if i tell him ,what will he learn? so i decided to let him make his choice. i made my mistakes too. didnt we all?! he know im here 24/7 and he know i would help. i would never say I TOLD YOU SO. i would just listen to him and be there,as my parents were there for me.i think its impt for him to make some mistakes on his own. because the mistakes are what makes us wise.i m proud of him. hes a good boy ,but in love can you really tell a child what to do? they only see it as love--not what can be a result of a mistake. i made my mistakes. i have a good husband, but that takes work and hell see it for himself. i think my parents would approve of this.so im just being his old mom who loves him forever and is there 24/7.

  4. #4
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    hi again Chana- so glad you are feeling more positive.I,too,have a son(He will be 14 next week) and he said to me ''mum I know that you love me but you love me too much, you are too protective and I have to get hurt sometimes'' Wise words from a little guy!I know I love too much and it can be as bad as not loving at all.So I will have to learn to take a back seat hard though it will be.Mums and their sons hey?!! A daughter is a daughter for all of her life but a son is only a son til he gets him a wife- don't know if this is true or not.Be brave Chana - your son loves you and he will BE OK because of your love and caring.Lorraine xx

  5. #5
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    oh my----do i need my mom for this one!

    lorraine--i have a daughter too. shes not married yet. shes too fussy. she reminds me of myself when i was young--but i try to teach her THERES NO SUCH THING AS A PRINCE ON A WHITE HORSE TO TAKE YOU TO THE CLOUDS! but of course--what do i know! i teach both my kids how nobody is perfect and to get thru life it takes a lot of compromise. my parents were married 50 years and they worked at it, like im doing. theres no paycheck at the end of the week.but what you get is 2 people becoming 1--like 2 strangers getting to know each other.my son thinks its fun now--engagement, parties, but wait---hes innocent and shes manipulative and i just hope for the best. i love that little guy and when i know something is not right for him, i cant stand for him to be hurt.i really believe this girl will hurt him. shes too worldly for him. i see changes already, but i know i have to take a back seat. your son is 1 smart guy, but as parents i dont think we can love too much.wait till he has children of his own.i tell my children that too- when they have children theyll understand. my mom used to tell me that and was she right!i didnt always listen to her either, yet i find myself giving my children the same advice she gave me. so she was ok after all.and 1 day our children will be giving their children the same advice, so i think were ok.i just miss my parents a lot, especially now. my moms wish was to beciome a great grandmother. it will never happen. mine is to be a grandmother. i hope for it and i hope wherever my parents are--(they are buried together) they know and they re smiling because i know now they did a great job of making me ME.

  6. #6
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    chana , why do you think like this ??
    what is so bad about this girl ?
    of course we would like to choose our children's partners , but we cant !
    he must be happy to choose this girl and want o marry her . what do you see wrong with this girl , that your son cant ?

  7. #7
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    oh my--do i need my mom for this one!

    you asked me some good questions, but you dont know me. let me tell you this--my son is an innocent boy. hes highly educated, hes a hard worker, and hes as honest as the day is long. i do not ever want to choose a lifes partner for my children. i never did and i never will.i have a wonderful relationship with my children because i dont interfere. he doies not know how i feel. i wont tell him either. its his right to do as he chooses.however, what i see is bothering me from the background. we always see in others what we dont see in ourselves.this girl is very worldly and does not fit in with his lifestyle or his friends.he is a simple guy who wants a wife like he is and a family like anyone would want.i know my son and what i see bothers me---i dont tell him. i treat her like a daughter because he chose her.i am older than him, ive been thru a lot, and i know about life quite a bit more than he does. he chose her, but i see thru her.she is manipulating him where i see things that dont add up. let him marry her. its fine by me.i sure hope in this instance im wrong, but ive learned in my life to follow my instincts. i had a strong mom who im sure would agree with me. we know him,.i had a dad who taught me a lot too.he needs to learn for himself. i know that. thats why i say nothing.i learned for myself too. ive been hurt in life as anyone else,and i learned from it. i think he needs that too.for me to say something would be the biggest mistake.after all his dad and i wont be around forever and he has to learn that life is sure not easy.i also feel his mistakes will make him wise., like i feel my mistakes made me .when i was his age i was like him too.but i had smart parents. they let me make mistakes to learn. thats what im doing. it doesnt mean i dont see what i see.mistakes also make you strong. my parents taught me these things, so im passing it along to him.i have no family left except for my husband and children. im surviving because i was brought up right and allowed to make mistakes to become the strong woman my mom always said i was. believe me--from some of the things ive been thru, you have to be strong to survive.im surviving. i lost my mom only 7 months ago. its not easy, but ill make it. i always do. so let him see for himself like i did.

  8. #8
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    Hi Chana
    It sounds like you are vocalising all these things to us which you would in the past have discussed with your mother and that is a good thing.
    It's bad to bottle up such feelings but what do you think your mother would have said to you? All the things you have told us that you are doing I suspect.
    Let him make his mistakes, don't interfere etc.
    Do you mind if I ask how old your son is?
    Am I right in thinking that you don't really want answers from us just a sympathetic listening ear, such as your mother would have given you?
    Good luck and you will do the right thing, I'm sure.

  9. #9
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    oh my--do i need my mom for this one!

    if you knew my mom, shed never be quiet. she was 1 strong lady who said like it is.sur shed listen, but shed give her opinions whether i agreed or not. she was never afraid toi express herself.knowing my mom--i think shed tell me to talk to him. i think shed tell me to explain why i feel like i do.shed tell me if he doesnt listen you cant do anything, but she always told me i was a good mother and knew just how to talk to my children.she used to be impressed how i spoke to my children. she always told me never to let things slide., even if there was a disagreement. she felt it was my duty as a mom to do it. she felt i had good instincts. she felt my children loved me enough to listen to what i have to say. nobody agrees all the time. there were times i didnt agree with my mom,but she once told me IM NOT TOO WORRIED ABOUT YOU. I THINK YOULL BE OK. i hope so. my son is 25. i know hes old enough. i know , but when your young and so in love, you tend to be blinded by certain things that are not so simple. i was in love when i was 18 and i saw nothing else, but when i look back now i realize my mom was right in telling me to break the relationship off. it was a hell then, but i realize it would have been a bigger hell now had i gone thru with it.what i remember is the 21 year old man i fell in love with, noit the man he is today. i dont even know where he is today.i dont care., but at the time i didnt see anything but the love of my life.in time i met my husband and like in any marriage there are always problems. nothing is perfect. i dont expect that. i always tell my children to marry a person whose faults they can live with because they have faults too. im not a mom not to see that. i do.i never met a perfect person yet. i have a good marriage because the main ingriedients are there. we have disagrements-its normal, but this girl will bring him nothing but heartache. shes too worldly for him. shes very intelligent like him, but way over his head.to tell you the truth, as much as i love that boy, i dont know what she sees in him. his friends and he are so simple and easy going. she doesnt fit in and knowing my mom like i do---shed never sit quiet. i always tell my husband jokingly shes sure giving god a thing or 2.she was afraid of no one ever. sure i miss her and i think she would give me some suggestions whether i agree or not,. my husband tells me to be quiet. i am. like i said i treat her like a daughter and i will continue to do so. he has to see for himself, i guess. i hope he does, but 1 thing he does know is no matter what were here for him 24/7.we all go thru these things in life and it strengthens us. it takes time, but we get there .i did and im none the worse for it. it made me smarter.

 

 

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