MOving home with husband advice needed

[LYN T]

My Husband (Pete) has bipolar and moderate AD. The house we live in is very tall with steep steps needed to reach the front door. The back garden is also steeply terraced. My question is it it advisable to sell our present home and move to a bungalow (locally). I'm worried in case he gets physically infirm and can't go up and down the steps. At the moment one of his greatest pleasures is taking the dog for a walk twice a day. What would happen if he needs walking aids or a wheelchair in the future? Has anyone experienced moving house with a partner who has this stage of AD? I wish to keep him at home for as long as possible.

[FifiMo]

Hiya Lyn,

Based on my experience then I would encourage you to go for it. My mother lived in a house that sounds similar to yours and it became her prison if I am honest. She became isolated first because her friends were no longer able to visit due to their mobility problems. Then we had problems with her mobility also and when she started having falls our biggest fear was her falling down the concrete steps outdoors. Then we had the problem that the toilet was upstairs and my mother would sit bursting for the toilet but refusing to go because she would have to climb the stairs!

Yes any move could lead to a period of confusion etc but you and the dog are there for stability and reassurance if this does happen for a while. My view would be to move sooner rather than later because you could find that the dementia progresses to such an extent that you can no longer justify a move.

As always, just my view, but one in this instance that I feel quite strongly about as I think my mother could still have been in her own home much longer than she actually was if we had been more persistent about her moving to a more suitable house.

Fiona

[Margaret W]

I've no experience of this, but I'm tempted to agree with Fiona. The danger of physical injury is great, and the loss of contact with the outside world is a serious consideration. If you can ensure that any move is done sympathetically - e.g. furniture in the living room arranged in a similar fashion, same bedding, even same curtains if they will fit - you will perhap smooth the transition.

Do it before there is an accident.

Love

Margaret

[Pteris]

We are at the very early stages of dementia and have already decided to look for a more suitable house, that's also easy for me to run on my own (when the time comes that he can no longer help with maintenance, etc.). We plan to move to a smaller bungalow nearer to nice dog-walking areas before he deteriorates and hopefully this will give him time to become familiar with the neighbourhood. We have the house on the market already, but you may find buyers rather few at the moment. I'd say go for it too before you start to struggle..
Love Pteris

[nicoise]

Most definitely if you have the right place, the wherewithal so that you can have help with the actual move, and the mental strength to do this.

My thoughts echo Fifimo's - my mum's sweet house on three floors became her "prison" because of mobility issues. She had a stairlift put in, which helped a little. But then the internal steps up to the front and back doors became impossible with a wheeled walker as well; so a ramp was put in for the front door. She stopped going out into the garden. But then the ramp became too much of a challenge and she would only go out when there was someone to help her. On some days she couldn't work the stairlift - just because she was getting muddled with the buttons, so didn't get her lunch.

With hindsight we should have pushed harder for her to move, but she was incredibly resistant and as she still had a fair amount of autonomy and capacity we didn't want to fight her. But ultimately it isolated her, and stopped her doing things too early. Life in the house because of the house became a great challenge by itself.

Whilst there will be some adjustment issues in the early days, I believe that in the long term it will make all the difference to coping with what is to come, and would a very wise move, both for your husband and yourself.

[jeany123]

We moved just over 3 years ago into a bungalow, my husband had just been diagnosed with vascular dementia a few months before but had it a lot longer, he has also needed a wheelchair for 15 years but can walk a few steps around the house, We applied for a council bungalow thinking it would be a couple of years before we got one, that was on the Monday and a lady brought the keys on Friday of the same week, they had one for us that was ideal it has a shower room and ramp at the back door, Allen was very disorientated at first and kept asking are we staying here, is this a caravan but after a while he got used to it, no stairs, no bath to struggle with, less housework for me , warden controlled so red cords to pull in a emergency, quiet area, nice little garden to sit in, friendly elderly neighbours who always have time to have a chat with Allen if he's sitting outside, he settled well and it is as if he has lived here all his life,It was hard work moving and getting rid of a lot of things we didn't have room for, and all the people to phone , I had the help of our 4 children and there partners but it took me a couple of weeks to recover, It is the best thing we could have done and was hard work at the time but well worth it, I hope if you decide to move that it will be as successful as ours ,


Best wishes
Jeany x

[LYN T]

Thanks for all your replies

You have reassured me. I will go for it and let you know how I get on.

Lyn T X

[NanLorac]

We were going to sell our bungalow when my husband retired to release funds tied up in our house and move to a smaller house/flat. He is only 62 and has just been diagnosed with early onset dementia. I went through getting the home report done in June (we live in Scotland) We were going to loose a lot of money with the current market up here and I was not in a good place with the stress and coming to terms with the diagnoses, so after a few sleepless nights I cancelled the sale before it even went on the market.

My husband loves living here and loves sitting in the garden and goes for a walk daily round the streets he has known for 20yrs. Our neighbours know about the dementia and I feel they will look out for him. I want to keep him home as long as possible and I would have had to move to a flat and that would have kept him indoors which he would have hated. Have I made the right decision not releasing the funds we have in the house? I don't know, time will tell. If I was going to move him I would have been better doing it now.

I was going to ask a member of the family to take my husband for a couple of days while the move went on. This could be something to think about as I think your husband will be so confused and it will be a bit less stress on you.
So I wish you the best of luck and I hope it all goes smoothly for you. Carol x