Mum now in hospital

[panda57]

Well after 8 weeks of mum not eating very much and for the last few days nothing at all she was admitted to hospital on Weds evening.The continual loo visits had eased in the last day but only as mum was so sleepy.I asked for a GP call on Tuesand rang 3x during day to be told she was very busy- no call or visit.
The very professional community dietician came to see her the next morning for the second time and found that mum wouldnt tolerate any nutrition supplements and had lost more weight. She rang GP and initiated the rapid response team visit that evening.All mums obs were OK and they took bloods.On weds evening they decided to admit her to my relief.
It was found her bowels were very impacted which explained a lot. Went in today and Nurse said mum had refused an enema, I had the dubious pleasure of persuading her to have one and holding her hand whilst they did so.It has been of limited success though mum has spent a lot of time in the loo.Tonight she was moved to another ward which initiated more confusion as she was put in a side room with ensuite WC. She thought she was being left in a toilet.I had to keep telling her that she was lucky to have her own room and ensuite,I have said to nurse that she may be better in a ward so she recognises she is in hospital.
Earlier in the day I had a very useful discussion with the registrar about mums future care, what I wanted to do and crucially was able to ask the difficult question about how soon will she die if she stops eating (as she has done now).Her view is that this does signify a worsening of her AD.On the other hand she was suprised at how alert mum was considering how malnouished she is.
She advised that GP should organise a written end of life plan.
What I would really like is for mum to have a live in carer and stay at home, that depends on finding the right person and funding.Has anyone done equity release to fund live in care??
I have alerted the SW of the situation,this the SW who didnt turn up last week. turns out she rang mum who cancelled the visit and changed the date. I said but mum has dementia...but she sounded very lucid (jaw drop smilie)....I dont know your mother...No but you've got all the notes in front of you!!!
Anyway she has told me I should be eligible for 6 weeks respite a year and will await discharge notification...
Next bowel update due tomorrow- bet you cant wait!

P x

[FifiMo]

Panda,

Sorry to hear about the hospital but given the circumstances it was always on the cards wasn't it. At least we now know what the purpose of the trips to the bathroom were about. I hope that they get things cleared up quickly and that your mum is feeling much better soon.

I'm off to set my alarm so I can be ready for the poo update! LOL

Fiona

[Big Effort]

Hi Panda,
Well hats off to Mum, she did know why she needed to visit the loo so often.
Hope those who should be there to assist and advise do an excellent job, as being on the same wave length makes everything so much easier.
May all be well for you and your mother. Well done so far, it sounds as if you are doing a brilliant job, and it must be such a relief for your Mum not to have to cope with things alone. How brave she is to have had an enema - isn't she just amazing! Take care, BE

[panda57]

Thanks BE
I havent rung ward yet but will go in this afternoon to see her.
At one point yesterday on return from loo mum felt things werent moving as they should- she said "You go in and see if you can go to the toilet".Wish I could do it for her!
P x

[Big Effort]

Hi Panda,

At one point yesterday on return from loo mum felt things werent moving as they should- she said "You go in and see if you can go to the toilet".Wish I could do it for her!

Yes, don't we all wish that. It is something my Mum could have said. Funny how they lose these personal boundaries, isn't it.

It is about discovering the real message in what they are saying. Not easy often. Mum had me on my knees on Wed. Our first non-stop day of paranoia. Ouch. She was upset, and my, were messages confused and confusing. It was clear she was out of sorts, that she felt rotten. It was also clear that nothing I did, helped either.

An example:
I gave her a glass of her favorite dessert wine, and put her favorite program on TV. She refused flat out to watch "that rubbish, those ugly women with the shrieking voices". She grimaced with each sip of wine. When hubby appeared after work with glass of beer in hand, she said "BE gave me this disgusting stuff. Please get me some of that!" Note: she loathes beer. I think her real message was: Hey, I'm out of sorts today and NOTHING feels/tastes/sounds/is right in my world.

Thinking this helped relieve the guilt and helplessness anyway.

[panda57]

Hi Just rang hosp, they gave mum another enema lst night and "things moved". She is having IV fluid but wont eat. Still able to get to loo byself- didnt want nurse to lurk.

Nurse says no plan for discharge yet.Am going to hosp shortly.

Then just after I rang hosp my husband got a call from his mum. His brother in law died this morning. He had an aneurysm last week and then a stroke yesterday. He was 52 but normally very healthy. So hubby has rushed off to his mums who is 84 and always very emotional anyway.

It never rains..

[Big Effort]

Oh dear, Panda,
I am so sorry. Sometimes one does have to wonder WHY there are things like dementia, aneursyms, cancer...... what is this all for? Who/what does this suffering serve?
My thoughts are with you all, and hope that things are on the up and up bowel-wise for your Mum. It would be so nice for her to be able to close that chapter.
Sympathy to all of you, it will be dreadful for your husband's Mum, 84 and to have to go through losing a son. Here is to gentler times ahead for you and yours, BE

[panda57]

Hi
Mum much brighter when I visited yesterday afternoon although she was trying to work out where she was, she thought she might be in Yorkshire(where she grew up).
Explained several times and she can actually almost see her house from the hosp window on 8th floor.(actually this happened even when she was in hosp 4 yrs ago)
Still not eating, drinking a little, still had drip in. Bowels seem to be sorting themselves.
Was able to read a bit of the paper.
Was very happy that she was able to pull daft faces for me which is how she makes me laugh.We also had a verse of how much is that doggy in the window.
Last night I didn't visit and went to meet some friends. Didn't feel comfortable being away from mum.Its like I have formed a little coccoon of safety around us.
Report this morning is that she is fine, had a wash but still not eating, drining a little.
Will visit in a couple of hours,am taking some photos for her of the family.
Hubby is OK,his sister is being amazingly brave,apparently her husband had deteriorated over 24 hours, the family were with him when he died.
Px

[petromany]

Hi, So sorry to hear about your Mum, what is it with bowels, my hubby has awful problems is it all the drugs do you think. Well I wish you well and things get sorted,thinking of you....

[panda57]

Mum still in hospital. Was brighter yesterday.She ate two teaspoons of ice cream and same of creme brulee.Today nurse said she had some ice cream.They say she doesnt want to be observed whilst in loo, fair enough by me she didnt need help at home.I was told the doc would prefer her to another bag of fluid but were concerned she will rip canula out by forgetting to take the drip stand to the loo.
Had some mucky things to wash yesterday but I hope the post enema leaks are over.
Today was really fed up and bored I think, in a single room she has little to distract her.
She wants to go home, frankly she might as well not eat at home than in hospital.
I will speak to doc tomorrow.
I know I will need medic help to make a plan of her future care if she continues not to eat (end of life plan) or take supplements.
Have any of you had experience of this? I think staff are in a quandry as she is still functioning quite well and def not at end stage in terms of her understanding and ability to carry out personal care etc.
What would I do without you...
P x

[FifiMo]

Hiya Panda,

Glad your mum now seems to be on the mend. I think I agree with you that she might as well be at home where it is familiar than lying around in hosp if they're not doing anything specific for her. I wonder if the dr agrees that she can go home that you perhaps get the Dr to read the riot act to her about her eating and weight loss. He could say he was seriously thinking about keeping her in hospital and will take her back there if she doesn't smarten up with her eating etc. It might just be the finger wagging that she needs to get her back on the right tracks again?

Fiona

[nicoise]

Your poor mum - she must have been feeling really uncomfortable with that impaction. No wonder she didn't want to eat - but then it becomes a vicious circle, doesn't it? Nothing in, nothing out, nothing for the digestive system to work with or on.

And constipation can cause confusion even in "well" people, so no wonder she was worse.

From the sounds of it she will eat sweet things; I know its not the balanced nutrition we like to think of, but I guess it is something. My mum virtually existed on white chocolate at times.

I'm sorry about your BIL - being that age I like to think very young - but certainly too young. Life is very cruel sometimes.

[panda57]

Hi
I had a tc from the OT and doctor today to get background re mums home etc. They feel she is medically stable now.The word placement was mentioned, I was surprised as I dont see it is indicated yet and said so.
I did say to the doc that we need to have some sort of plan as if the eating doesn't improve she will be back in hosp every 6 weeks, it would be just the same if she were in a RH.Currently she has been topped up with IV fluid and glucose.
Now I have had a break and slept in my own bed (and met hubby again) I feel I can do my best to keep her at home as long as poss, likely to mean me staying over with her sometimes, I certainly will to start with.If I have the option of respite that will help me as well.
Hang the flags out mum reportedly ate a banana today.
Apparently she put the blanket over her head when the OT asked her to demonstrate her mobility (I had to apologise- extra embarrassing as I am an OT myself).
Mum seemed brighter tonight and happy to hear she wouldnt be there for ever.
Will keep you updated -now have to find skirt for discharge that wont just slide right down past her hips.

Px

[Helen33]

Dear Panda,

Having just spent 7 days in hospital and having a compacted bowel myself, for the first time in my life, I felt I could understand your mum's reluctance to eat. I was so uncomfortable, miserable, and quite frankly suffering. It was impossible for me to eat. I think my intestines were probably full and I became very frightened of food. The first suppositories and enema didn't have any effect with me. However, I became worse and worse and so they tried the enema several times and eventually it did. I hated being viewed going backwards and forwards to the toilet and would have hated anyone to see the terrible anguish I experienced in there and the pain. In the end I couldn't even get up to go to the loo.

The following day I realised I had become afraid to eat.

I do very much sympathise with you witnessing your mother struggling with dementia and the loss of appetite and the bowel condition. I also very much sympathise with your mum and hope that they will continue with the enemas (and that your mum lets them).

Love

p.s. I've just spotted your latest post. It sounds like your mum has had some bowel movement and perhaps a reason she is eating!? I am glad she is sounding better than she was.

[panda57]

I collected mum at lunchtime having alerted the care agency to restart service. Good job I did as they had had no notification from SS.
Still not eating apart from a bit of banana but now topped up with fluids and bloods OK.By all accounts was very stubborn with the nurses, they were suprised how pliable she was when I arrived.
Although mum said she couldnt remember what her house was like once we were there she did.
She had 3 cups of tea and two biscuits.I was celebrating inside but didnt say so in case I put her off. However it didnt last, she ate no dinner and later tea and biscuit were not approved of *sigh*.
I was pleased to have her home but on the other hand anxious as it will be the start of another cycle leading to admission.
Am back at work tomorrow but intend to stay several nights and then see if I feel I can go home to hubby at night.
Forms have arrived from SW, carers asst and financial asst, the latter re respite.I did complete a carers asst in May, unloaded all my angst and I dont think it was even read.
Feel I am jumping back on a bike with no brakes going down a hill.

Pxx