Mum came out dressed like a bag lady

[dottyd]

Took mum for a meal tonight as she had had a bad day. Lots of crying, asking what she can do etc

Went to pick her up. She came out wearing a black and white skirt. A black glittery top. A red and black jacket -and socks with her mary janes.

Albeit they almost reached her knee, but in the gap there were sights of her overblown legs with all the scars from sores and cellulitis.

Her hair was lank and part grey/part brown

She would never have come out like that before. I put in a call to her hair dresser . I was surprised about the skirt-she normally wears trousers.

[sunray]

It is hard to see the changes, from an always well turned out person to one who doesn't seem to know how to mix and match.

My Mum in the early stages had a couple of outfits she would wear anywhere, so on a picnic she would try to wear her best dress and high heels and to church she would sometimes want to wear her gardening clothes. Dad used to guide her about what to wear but it always caused an upset.

Sue.

[2jays]

It is a shock isn't it when the fashion sense changes.
I will bet every piece of your mums outfit is lovely.... Unfortunately not worn together at the same time....

My problem with mum - her knee high pop socks she wore round her ankles when she wore skirts.... And the tights she wore when she had trousers on....

It's taken me a while to accept... But if mum is comfortable in what she's wearing who am I to make her change

Well when I say it's taken me a while to accept.....
I try to think of the "new fashion" being worn now - some of it I wouldn't even consider wearing to bed, all I now hope for is mum is colour co-ordinated I try (oooh I do try) to accept it.

[Pheath]

I remember when dad first started putting on the ‘wrong’ clothes, it was so alarming as well as sad. He’s worn a cap for as long as I can remember and most poignantly on a day trip out to the seaside recall him putting it on upside down, think it was only then that it hit home how bad he’d become. After that we started to select and leave out his clothes for him until he was no longer able to dress himself at all. It’s a horrible illness and at every stage sends us new shocks to deal with, the only blessing for us was that it was a gradual decline which gave us time to adjust to every downturn as it came.

[jan.s]

My favourite was finding my husband wearing his jeans back to front. We did laugh, and he said how difficult he'd found it to go to the loo. He had them zipped and everything.

J xx

[scarletpauline]

My favourite was finding my husband wearing his jeans back to front. We did laugh, and he said how difficult he'd found it to go to the loo. He had them zipped and everything.

J xx

HAHA that seems to be the next thing I should expect from my husband

[winda]

Hi dottyd, I think it is easier to deal with these sorts of problems when you are living with the sufferer. The changes are so gradual and it gives you time to change your caring regime. Far more difficult when you live at a distance.
With my husband it was more that he didn't dress appropriately for the weather left to his own devices. In the beginning I had to put out or advise on his clothing but as he got worse it also involved me dressing him as well. There then came a time when some days he didn't want to get dressed at all. Strangely, he was always happy to change from his day clothes into his pyjamas.

In the end, as long as they are warm, dry and comfortable it doesn't really matter what they wear. But it must be upsetting for you to see these changes in your mum.

Thinking of you xx

[Butter]

This took me back - to the many many times my mother would set off on an excursion decorated in the most bizaare ways imaginable. There was her skip period - when she dressed herself from skips, in other words. And the time when we met her at a railway station and she had picked many flowers from the hanging baskets for her hat and her lapel and as a present for me. The grandchildren thought it was amazing - 'granny hasn't got any shoes on!' was cause for excitement. The good thing was though, that people understood and could see she was not well. So she got helped rather than arrested.

[Resigned]

Hi

Its very hard, I feel for you when the mum you know doesn't notice the way she's dressed, after a lifetime of being perfectly turned out.

My mum also looks like a bag lady. Some of the ladies in the CH are very nicely dressed, with everything matching, even down to jewellery. My mum doesn't look nice at all, refuses to take any notice, won't have her hair done so it hangs lankly, even when its been washed, around her shoulders. Frankly, she looks terrible and would hate it if she knew.

Strangely, about 2 years ago, when we asked her why she didn't get dressed, she said she had nothing to wear as she was living in the 1940s and there weren't any 1940s clothes in her room! It was quite revealing in its way and let us know what age she thought she was, without having to ask.

Try not to let it get to you. I've given up worrying about it. It either upsets mum or she's indifferent, neither is very helpful, and I'm the only one who really cares.

R