Time to relax

[Barry]

Well our first day of the Eid holiday (yesterday) wasn’t too bad although I did get rather confused when so many people kept coming into the house and I had to keep shaking hands with everyone and trying to wish them a Selamat Hari Raya Idul Fitri ‘Happy Eid’ ‘EID Mubarak’ in the correct Arabic and Indonesian which then made me stammer the words so much that I found it best not to say to much in Indonesian or Arabic and instead just said (and the same to you)

Altogether it was an extremely hectic day with so many visitors coming and going which must have been well over 100 throughout the day and at one point there was about 20 adults and children in our house all at one time with everyone trying to talk at the same time and children crying so I seemed to be on edge and agitated all the time not knowing what way to turn with my mind constantly going in circles, when I looked at the different visitors all I kept thinking was ‘who are you, what’s your name’ as I have no memory of you, people were just mere images before my eyes without any recollection…

At one point Sumi had to take me into the bedroom for a short rest as I was loosing my sense of equilibrium, she sat me on the bed and cradled me in her arms whilst soothing my hands and nape and whispering (don’t worry my love just take a few minutes rest), I tried to watch the TV but my mind could not comprehend what was being spoken or concentrate on the programs as my vision was distorted from the images on the screen… I said to Sumi (is this the way it’s always going to be, will I just drift into a total oblivion without me realizing it, and what of you my love who will take care of you) maybe I shouldn’t have said that as then she burst into tears! This illness is so, so cruel and yields no remorse!

By 5pm as the harsh sun started to drop towards the horizon I was absolutely exhausted both physically and mentally.

Then yesterday afternoon my stepdaughter Yuni, Son-in-law Hendra, and granddaughter Fira left to visit Hendra’s mother and his brother’s and sister’s in ‘Madura’ (Another province) and wont be back home until next Sunday so at the moment the house is very quiet and we only have Sumi’s niece Melatie for company and to make me laugh, I know they have only been gone one day but Sumi and I are already missing Fira even though the little terror has me going in circles and at times making me extremely anxious and agitated… but I said to Sumi this morning even though we will miss Fira, Yuni and Hendra very much we should take it as a time for both of us to have some time together, switch off and relax…

Maybe many other sufferers of this illness are the same as me in the fact that they desperately love the grandchildren but can now only take them in short periods.

[Izzy]

Eid Mubarak Barry. What a day you had. I think I'd need the darkened room as well! I hope you and Sumi enjoy this time together. x

[Barry]

Many thanks Izzy

[Nanak]

Eid Mubarak Barry.
My daughter, son in law, and grandchildren celebrated Eid yesterday too. The children were very excited and I have seen all their presents. They were meant to go out for lunch and visiting but my daughter had to stay at home with my granddaughter Danniya as the poor little poppet has a cold.
It is certainly a very busy time. I must admit that having so many people in my house would stress me too!
I hope you have a nice few quiet days and are refreshed when your family returns.
Nanak
missing what has gone and scared of what is to come

[Barry]

Many thanks for your kind words Nanak

[Helen33]

Eid Mubarak Barry.

The image of you and Sumi taking a moment out from the Eid celebrations was very emotional Barry. You wrote in a way that it made it as beautiful as one of your poems. Your love and anguish seemed intertwined at that moment and it near brought tears to my eyes as well.

I hope you and Sumi enjoy the time together.

Love

[Barry]

Many thanks Helen and I hope you are well

[Big Effort]

Greetings Barry!
I always look at this part of the forum in the hope you have posted something. Indeed you have, and as Helen pointed out, the sheer expressiveness, the spirit with which you express yourself makes your posts (and poetry) well worth reading.

As a carer of someone with Alzheimers, I find it so useful and helpful to have someone describing the effects from the inside.

So (as you have said previously in other posts) you find too many people and too much noise overstimulating. I suppose the expression "too much of a good thing" is an apt one. It isn't that you don't love these people, nor do you want to live in silence, however too much stimulation just sends your system into overdrive.

You are so brave. As a non-dementia person, I think it is so wonderful that you share your fears and horrors with Sumi.One great challenge I have with Mum is that she will not ever concede that the memory problem may actually be hers. It is always me. When our views of events don't coincide, she invariably says I misremember all the time, I am wrong, she is right, I am lying, misleading, even a monster. While I can see that these moments when you share your honest feelings with Sumi must be exquisitely painful for Sumi (there is no escaping the truth is there?), and I can well see myself moved to tears hearing such things too, she will still be very grateful to you for being honest.

I hope you can enjoy a little bit of understimulation for a little while. In a noisy household like yours, this is a rare occurence, and it must feel very different.

If I had a magic wand tonight, I would use it and remove this terrible affliction from the human race. This is one reason I cannot believe in God, any god. If there were a god, then senseless suffering like this would not be permissible. Thus you will understand why I do not join in sending wishes of a religious nature. Eid, Chrismas, Halloween or whatever, I wish you a gentle time with Sumi, one of closeness, peace and healing. Be well Barry, hugs BE

[Barry]

Many thanks Claire for your very posative thoughts
Best wishesd
barry

[bucko]

Hi Barry. How nice to be back on line again and virus free.

The way you write your posts makes us understand exactly how you are feeling and I truly hope that you and Sumi can have a little time to yourselves to relax and enjoy each others company. The peace and quiet won't last that long, so make the most of it. John and I too love the company of our family, me more so than John as he, like you, struggles with people talking over one another and large families tend to do this a lot. I often have to take him off to the bedroom for a little peace and quiet.

Once again, thanks for sharing your post Barry. My love to you and Sumi. Do enjoy your relaxation.

June x

[Barry]

Hi June many thanks for the posative vibs and hope that you are OK? What about your back and of course "How is John" sorry I've not E-maild you for some time so I must put that right.
Love and God bless
Barry