My husband and I have been married for nearly twenty years and it is a second marriage for both of us. He has always been a drinker but over time has developed into an alcoholic. That,together with mixed dementia has made him very hard to live with and because he takes risks,doesn't sense risk and gets mixed up over situations and forges so many things I tend to remind him and to organise his days.
This has gone on for nearly two years now and suddenly I was recently faced with his daughter telling me that she and other people" think that i am treating him badly by doing so. Since she lives miles away and only sees on a few times a year and I don't know which other people she could possibly know who know me I was taken aback and extremely annoyed.
When,on her last visit she did nothing but "console" my husbandf and be unacceptablt rude to me I decided that the only things to do would be to wipe her out of my life altogether. I spent years attempting to get on with her but always found her difficult and self absorbed. To insult me now when she can have no conception of the life I have to lead and the changes I have had to make because of her father's condition and to refuse to help me by having her father to stay for a week or two seems wicked to me - especially as I am recovering from treatment for cancer.
A daughter who won't help but criticises me for doing the best I can is not a person I want to know any more.
But is she partly right? I DO arrange his days and I do tell him to do things. What would happen if I didn't? I know he is unhappy about his situation and her aggression to me makes it all worse not better.
She won't know that I have decided to have no more to do with her and hasn't been in contact with him for around six weeks anyway. I can arrange to be out when she comes (without any risk for my husband). I will do that to protect myself from further stress. But am I harming my husband by avoiding his daughter.