Dad Not Walking Across The Road Safely ! !

[grove]

Hello Everybody , Was not sure was going to start this or not but feel a need too ! , live near Parents & Dad has Mild / Moderate Dementia & even Pre Dementia Dad has all ways been slightly impatient : hates long queas etc & also waiting to cross the Road in Safety ! The other day was in Town with Mum & Dad at a Green Man Crossing ( very busy road ) The" Man" was "On Red " & Dad stepped off the Kerb just as a Car came Dad "jumped back onto the kerb " & was cross he could not beat the Car & that ended up with me being Cross with Dad ! ( was/am because the Year before he was diagnosed he had some sort of accident when walking (on his own) Home & am 99 per cent SURE he was nearly run over ( he had nasty graze / bad bruises under his Chin he was in Shock ? Mum called it a "Black Out " but am not so sure )

Realize cannot stop Dad doing this ( he goes to the paper Shop on his own etc , etc ) & guess hes not the only person that does it & its NOT so much the Dementia but the fact he is impatient ! ...... My real question is if it happends again whats the best way of ME coping with it ? Is it best to say nothing ? & try & carry on as normal ?

Thank you for your help ( sorry for long ramble ! )

Love Grove x P S .... Dad is NOT all ways like this crossing the Road ! & realize me being cross with Dad does NOT help Dad

[ggma]

So sorry to read that you have this worry. It is not just about your Dad is it, it is about what happens to the people in the car that swerves to avoid him and then hits something else. I know how you just hope no one else suffers in an accident.

My Mum used to have to cross a very busy main road near where she lived, and we were told by neighbours that there were some very near misses, in fact she caused one driver to be so scared at what he had just missed, he went into the farm shop where Mum had just been to complain and register his concern. The people at the farm shop and neighbours made such a fuss that it actually registered with Mum and she stopped crossing the road, which was a great relief.

Not sure how you can get through to your Dad, for us it is was the shock that seems to register when people other than family delivered a harsh message.

[2jays]

Oh Grove. Sorry you are worried. I would be too. I don't have any answers to help you cope with this worry, just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you. xx

[Helen33]

Dear Grove,

This did bring back some memories I remember when Alan began to lose the ability to make proper judgements. I coped with it as long as I could but there came a time when I KNEW I could not allow him to be outside alone.

The way I tried to cope with Alan at crossings was to try to distract him with chatter and many times it worked. I might have something interesting in my pocket which I would pull out to distract him.

It certainly is a worry.

Love

[Witzend]

Oh, poor Grove, I do feel for you, since my f-i-l was just like this, too. If I was out with him - usually walking the dog - I'd nearly have heart failure just about every time - he would just step into the busy road near our house without waiting for a longer, safer gap. And he was out a lot on his own - he was still physically fit and VERY active and was like a furious, caged animal if you tried to keep him indoors - it was impossible.

Every time he went out without me (a lot) I was having kittens. And baby elephants. And to be honest by then I wasn't so much worried about him injuring himself, as him causing a really bad accident (it's a fairly major road nearby) and the injuries or deaths of other people. But by some miracle he never did.

Sorry I don't know what to advise - if he's the sort of person who can't be stopped from going out on his own, like my f-i-l, there isn't a lot you can do except pray!!!
But let's hope someone else will have some good ideas.

[CollegeGirl]

Hi Grove, don't really have any answers for you but just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you. This must be a such a worry for you but I think the only way you can cope with it is to accept that you can't be with your dad 24 hours a day which is maybe the only way you would be absolutely certain that he was safe, and the poor drivers of course, who have to avoid him. How can you stop him from going out on his own? It would be almost impossible I think.

Unless - is there any way he could have a paid companion to go out with him when you can't be there? This sounds impractical even to me, so please forgive me if it's a daft idea.

At the moment I'm worrying a little bit because my husband is driving home from Scotland - something he does quite regularly - and it's always in the back of my mind - what if he has a crash? But I have to force myself to stop thinking about it because there's absolutely nothing I can do about it - he has to go away for his job and I can't control that.

I know it's worrying but just try to put it out of your mind. Easier said than done, I know. Good luck and best wishes x

[grove]

Hello & Thank you very much to all your kind & helpful replies & it has helped , think the main problem is with Dad on a "good Dementia day " he is ok with everything & of course Mum wants Dad ( naturally ) to HAVE his indepence as long as possiable (going to the Paper Shop on his own etc )

Many thanks once again & am keeping positive Dad will not all ways do this

Love Grove x

[CollegeGirl]

Yes, you're between a rock and a hard place, aren't you? Of course you want your dad to remain as independent as possible for as long as possible, naturally, but it's very worrying knowing he has a disregard for his own and others' safety when it comes to the traffic! Is there a different shop he could go to that doesn't involve crossing any main roads? Although teaching him the route might confuse him. Sorry Grove, I don't seem to be helping, do I?!

[john 2]

Hello Grove, your dad sounds very similar to mine as a person. Dont know if this is constructive , but with hindsight the only times my dad went wandering was days when none of us went and took him somewhere. ie football or fishing. If I could turn the clock back I would make sure that every day someone took him on a long walk if not possible to do the fishing or football. Good Luck hope the old feller is ok.
John.

[grove]

Morning College Girl , You are HELPING ! please do not worry about that & where Dad lives is a "fairly quiet " area & the Paper shop is very near to his Home & there are only 2 Roads to cross ( sorry that makes it sound ok but its the safest option in my veiw ) As said before it does NOT all ways happren its only some times . Thank you once again for your concern & do understand what you mean

( Safe travel / driving for your Husband & yes can fully understand what you mean about long distance driving )

Love Grove x

[Saffie]

Grove - I have just started catching up with a few other posts other than those dealing with retreats! I saw your's and had to say that I feel for you with this worry about your father. There is little you can do as, for as long as he can do so, he must be able lead his life as independently as possible, hard though that is for others. I would say that perhaps suggesting how upset he might be if others in a car might be hurt because of having to stop suddenly when he crossed the road, might help but I guess chances are he'd forget even if he agreed with you, which he might not.

I am sorry you have this worry and can quite understand how it can play on your mind.
I just wish there was a solution.
love XXX

[grove]

Hello Saffie & thank you so much for your kind & helpful reply & like you wish there was a soluation ! Will give your idea some thought ( but as you said he will forget when crossing the road )

Love Grove x

[Sueleivers]

Hi there, My Husband is very similar to this I have had to put the child locks in place on the car.The minute I stopped the car he was out and off across the road. My heart in mouth trying to put handbrake on and run after him. People with Dementia do not see things like you and me I went to the Opticians and changed fron Vari focals to just Distance so he could see clearer. I know it sounds awful BUT for his and others Safety I now carry a Whistle with me.And he stops dead when I blow it!! So do other shoppers!! But it has helped to keep him Safer. good Luck Sue XX

[grove]

Hello Sue , Thank you for your reply & sorry to read about your Husband having the same problem as Dad does With Dad its NOT his Eyes ( he had a Test the other Month ) part of it is the Dementia BUT THE OTHER PART IS Dad has all ways been impatient even before he had Dementia . Most of the time Dad is ok when crossing the road & am trying not to worry so much about it . The Impatient bit... mean he does not like waiting untill its Safe to cross the road thats Dad all over ! HES all ways been like that

Love Grove x