This is a first on here for me.

[muriel.elliott]

Hi all,
Although i am well known on the main section this is a first for me on here i think!
Having lostBryan nearly 15 months ago it seems to me that it is getting worse to cope with the evenings and nights. I keep myself really busy all day, in the garden where i feel so close to him, going out, seeing friends etc. And of course going up to his grave, chatting to him, feeding the birds and sorting the flowers.
Then when i come home and i have had my evening meal, relaxing with a glass of wine, doing my card making, knitting, jigsaw puzzle or cross stitch, the lonliness sets in.Just to have him here again, even in the state he was, would be great. To see his face and feel him close to me.
This terrible desease needs so much research , i would not wish it on my worst enemy. It took Bryan away from us 3 years before he passed away.
Love and hugs Muriel xx

[nicoise]

Hello Muriel,

I meander around the board, dipping in and out of the different forums.

I have to say that posting in the After dementia section was something I dreaded when my mum was declining, because it meant that it really had happened. I was so scared of having to admit that to myself.

You have been doing so well after losing Brian, and I'm glad that you are finding things that you enjoy doing during the day. But I'm sure those quiet hours in the evening do feel very strange after so many years together - that undemanding companionship is something we don't realise until we don't have it as we have been used to.

I don't think there are any answers - maybe it is part of the long grieving process, and becomes something we finally get used to living with somehow.... x

[tre]

Dear Muriel,
I am sorry to hear how you are feeling but in a way I think it is a reflection of how much you love/loved Bryan so is not unexpected. When you think how long you were together fifteen months is hardly any time to get used to being apart. I went to a talk recently by a lady called Barbara Pointon who was absolutely brilliant. She looked after her husband with dementia for 16 years and she said his loss hit her worst around 16 months after his death. She said she has since found out it is normal for this sort of thing to happen so it is sort of like a delayed shock reaction taking one month after the loved ones death for each year spent caring for it to hit you and at a time various outsiders think you might be getting used to it by now.
I know you have a supportive family and friends but can understand completely how it is your dear Bryan that you want to talk to.
With love,
Tre
PS I took dad to Audley End Gardens using the scooter last weekend. It was great. Still no photo though. Camera now is OK but the computer end of dealing with the picture is playing up. I will get David's younger son to help me when he is next here

[Bronwen]

Hi Muriel....It is such a long time since I have been on line with TP, but it seems I was destined to do so today. Trevor passed away six months ago and I said the very same words you are saying.."it seems to be getting worse".

Like you, I fill my days with similar hobbies, but as you know you can be in a crowded room but still feel so lonely. There are only so many coffee mornings and lunch dates I can deal with and I still have to go through the front door again to complete silence.

I also feel that as I am gettng out and about, so many friends and family think I am doing well and getting my life back on track and as much as I don't want constant sympathy, I just want to shout out, I am hurting so much inside.

I hope this posting helps you Muriel, hearing how you are feeling helped me.

My love and best wishes

Bronwen x

[snedds57]

Hi Muriel

I think after all you (and the others) have gone through what you are feeling is only natural. From all the time spent caring and thinking to not having to leaves a huge hole and it takes time to fill such a hole. I used to work closely with a Cruse bereavement counsellor who always recommended to people after a loss to come no earlier than 6-8 months after that loss to talk as that is when the healing process starts. Maybe you need to do that now if you haven't already. I know everyone says it, but time is a great healer and some take longer than others to heal - it's also a journey, like with Bryan and alzheimer's disease. Your path is just a bit longer than his. Take care of yourself and keep posting. One day you might find you are posting more to help others which is healing in itself. And Bryan will always be there, in your memory. I lost my dad 4 years ago and yesterday I was at a group I help to run and played a CD of his favourite music that I had made up for him and someone asked me if it didn't make me feel sad. I said it didn't and I realised that now, when I think about him, I think of the happy memories left behind and feel awash with good feelings of love for him. Although having said that, I must say, am a bit wishy washy now!

Linda

[Contrary Mary]

relaxing with a glass of wine, doing my card making, knitting, jigsaw puzzle or cross stitch,

Dear Muriel

As I think I've said before, I think the empty house is just about the worst aspect of loss. However, it sounds as though you are doing really well, though I'm sure that you might not feel the same. At the moment, I endeavour, weather permitting, to get out into the garden for a while in the evening. I find while I am indoors I am just drifting around, quite aimlessly at times. If you can really get engrossed in your crafts, that seems to me to be a good thing.

Mary
x

[BeckyJan]

Hello Muriel,
I am so glad you found this section of the Forum.

I am a newbie in bereavement as its only 3 weeks since my husband died. It is so sad but I am finding strength from somewhere.

I do find it helps if in the evenings I log into TP and although I may not post alot its good to read up on familiar faces and new ones experiencing the same problems we did in earlier years.

If we can help others with our own experiences it has to be for the good.

Please let us know how you are getting along. Best wishes

[muriel.elliott]

Hi all,
Thank you all so much for your love and support. It really does help. I have had a busy day visiting my sister, having lunch with her then calling in to see friends on the way home for a cuppa. Before doing that i went up to bryan with fresh flowers and for once it did not rain on me. !
Tomorrow i am going to see friends in Epsom for lunch so that will be good. Daphne and i went to scholl together. Known her for over 60 years.
Thanks Tre for the update on the scooter. I am so pleased it has been a success. My camera has now decided to pack up. When i went to |Hampton Court flower show last week with a friend it played up. I got a friend who knows about cameras to have a look at it for me on monday and she said she thinks it is time for a new one. Trouble is Spencer is down this weekend and me with no camera! I will have to make sure maxine takes some for me. I have dropped a hint to russell - would he like to buy me an early birthday present!
Time for a fill up of wine i think and try to concentrate on making some cards.
Love and hugs to all