Another Episode

[Shepherd 1]

After two quiet weeks with my father in law we had another episode last night were my husband was accused of stealing work tools, getting someone else to do a carpentry job I had asked my father in law to do. This work is actually no longer required but he doesn't seem to comprehend this. He announced his presence at my house by knocking loudly on my window and them barging through the door threatening violence to my husband. As usual my husband was upset and responded with a raised voice. This obviously did not help the matter, I managed to settle the situation and my father in law did leave in a less volatile state. I have not called today as I want to give him some space to calm down and hopefully tomorrow we can have a conversation he will understand

[ggma]

How worring for you, and very disturbing. Have you had professional advice, help about your FIL, sometimes behaviours can escalate, and you need to have a plan in place to cope with the situation. Always know how you can leave a room etc. Hope I do not sound dramatic, but I have been there.

[Shepherd 1]

Thanks for the advice;We've had quite a few of these episodes over the last year and they seem to occur after we've had a good couple of weeks. I just presumed these are part of the dementia or possible a side effect of the Aricept. The anger is always aimed at my husband. Do you think its worth mentioning at the next assessment?
I have seen him today and he did actually apologise and I explained that the missing work tools were not at out house, he seems to accept this. Another worrying development is the lack of phone usage, I think he has forgotten how to use it as I only live 5 mins away he finds it easier to just arrive at my door.

[rajahh]

I think you definitely should mention it at the next assessment, and if that is very far away then a trip to the gp should hirry it up.

This behavious sounds quite frightening,

Jeannette

[Delphie]

My mum's a bit like that (Alzheimer's but not on any medication by the way). Every few weeks she has 'an episode' and so far her anger has always been directed at me. I've lost track now of all the things I've been accused of but sometimes it's theft, sometimes it's throwing a dear friend (someone she hardly knows but managed to offend) out of her house, saying things to people about her... the list goes on and on and everything on it is completely fabricated. I never get an apology but she kind of snaps out of it/forgets about it and then we carry on as if nothing's happened.

I did used to argue my case and try logic but nothing's ever worked so now I leave her to it. I can tell by the look in her eyes (she looks really sharp!) as soon as I see her if she's about to start so I give her the opportunity not to and try to distract etc, but if she insists on having a go I leave. I then try her again a couple of days later and so it continues until she's forgotten.

I've no advice as such, just maybe try not to engage as much. I've never found it made much positive difference.

[Big Effort]

Hello All,
I know these episodes too. Fortunately my mother is elderly, 85, so I doubt she can inflict too much physical damage....... at least I hope. My sister worries about my welfare i.e. if she really chose to be physically violent, and I notice that the social worker instructed me to "be very careful and pay attention".

Am I just being naive? Do Alzheimers parents actually assault their loved ones? The seething hatred in her eyes is quite difficult for me to handle and usually robs me of sleep as I 'digest' the emotion spewing out of her.

In my mother's case, the white hot rages occured after an imaginary event - I am the bad guy who she has seen doing something, most recently destroying a letter she had written. I know these are visual hallucinations because she repeatedly says she "saw" me, and that my husband was a "witness".

In her case she rants and rages about this supposed wrong-doing of mine for a day or three (extremely wearing as she is totally obsessed by it), then she tries to 'divide and conquer', that is, to drive a wedge between me and my husband (quite sneaky and contrived which surprises us because on the other hand she cannot do up a car safety belt, yet she can spin a yarn to beat the band = very, very convincing and detailed description of events), and eventually she just turns nice. We had supposed she had forgotten the event, but now have come to believe that she simply runs out of steam (she is elderly), and is just taking a day out being nice and pleasant and forgiving, until she has recharged her batteries to return to ranting and raging about the original letter-tearing-up event.

In French they call this fantasy drama 'fabulation' which I assume translates as 'confabulation' in English. She has had two hallucinatory events in the past two weeks and it pushed us all to our personal limits. How can anyone of that age find the energy to obsess so much? She phones all her friends, starts to 'protect' herself from dreadful me (her loving carer!!). Also I cannot understand how she can retain these mental events so perfectly in memory when she cannot even remember what she went to the fridge for, so quickly is the thought forgotten.

The social worker and her neurologist are encouraging me to get a full time home lined up fast..... they seem quite a few steps ahead of me. Yet when this 'fabulation' fury unleashes, I know we cannot handle the upset and havoc and mental/emotional turmoil on a regular basis. I am hoping they have been caused by the departure of family after a great two week visit.

It is also hard to watch her lose trust in me, after all I am a filthy liar in her books. She hides stuff away so I can't interfere, she complains to one family member after another how dreadful I am to her. You know, in a word, this hurts! Has she deleted all the loving kindness I have shown her??

Good night to all from la belle France, Big Effort

[FifiMo]

Shepherd,

My mother was on aricept and was taken off it because it made her aggressive. She was put on exelon instead which really worked for her and we saw a vast improvement. So, it might just be worthwhile speaking to the consultant about this.

Fiona