I'm feeling so needy a lot of the time now. I think I'm a bit of a wimp really, but I can't cope with John for much longer on my own.
He's going through a bad stage at mo. We now have very good and loving periods, followed without warning by the opposite.
My analysis is that because he is so much more confused by just about everything now he needs a fall guy to blame it all on. and guess who that is.
There is another factor. I've noticed more and more lately that I can't even keep up with a semblance of my normal life here. I have to make arrangements every time I go out to try and make sure he eats - not usually effective, he often calls me several times when I'm out and I can't help getting pre occupied over him or rushing back. I dread telling him I'm going out and he holds me up for ages with spurious questions before I go. He dissects, contradicts, interrupts or moans abouts about everything I say so I limit myself to the essentials -very boring and unsatisfactory for both of us.
Added to that e wont or cant help out with the chores now - even down to making me a cup of tea when I,m desperate. I feel exhausted most of the time being mentally and physically frazzled.
Since practising more of the 'compassionate communication' I and his carer cut out a lot of the conflict on which he seems to thrive so much.It was such a success we were **** a hoop. Now however his behaviour has been so obnoxious he's managed to reduce both of us to tears several times a day.
It just coincided with both my sister and friend going away, I longed to be able to go round to someone to let off steam. I ended up going to a friends house while she was at work just to sit with my new puppy and calm down! So my daydreams of moving back to my family home town are getting stronger all the time.
I've already picked out some houses for sale near 3 of my sisters and several nieces, nephews etc - in fact one is right next door to my family home!
I know it would be a massive change in life style and may not be as helpful as I hope. I just know I can't carry on much longer and need help, lots of it and right at hand.
I can 'just' about afford to keep our own house for a while so I can move one foot at a time as it were. Test my toe in the water first - seems like a no brainer. Or maybe just no-hoper.
I've just got a puppy and she is an absolute joy and has become the receptacle for all the thingsI can't say to John! I was hoping she could help soften him up a bit but dreadfully predictably she seems to have had the opposite effect. He loves her but is jealous of the attention she gets. You could have written the script! I've just lost the rest of my draft. Don't know where its gone - possibly the computers way of telling me to stop whining. Hope I've not bored you all, but if anyone has any helpful tips for how to stiffen the upper lip and get on with it I'd be grateful - Ive already signed up for yoga, but John wont join and just goes on about how 'dangerous' untrained instructors are! and its just one more thing for him to moan about.
Thank God for Talking point.
Have a nice Sunday evryone