Should they go?

[Ksgzwest]

I don't want to seem like I'm interfering but my step dad is planning to take mum who has severe vascular dementia to scotland where all her family are for a long weekend this coming week. I keep reading about how you should keep sufferers in surroundings they know but my mum hasn't been home in years and at times she talks to her sisters as if she thinks they are still at school !! Other reason is she may expect to go to places she might remember like my grandparents old house and still expect them to be there also two of her sisters died and will she may get agitated about it. I've seen he agitated many times and it's not nice! Seeing all these relatives I think might bring it on also! I did ring her doctor to get advise and he has said it could be good for her but it's not ideal and could seriously make her worse!
I've tried to tell him it's not a good idea but he doesn't seem to listen even her sisters have tried to tell him but to no avail
In some ways it would be good for her to maybe see people and in some ways say good byes but I'm so confused!! Has anybody else experienced this please?

[jeany123]

I don't really think that anyone knows what will happen until we try something, it could go well and as long as your stepdad is there to reassure your mum and look after her she could be fine ,


Jeany x


I just realised you are new to this site welcome to TP you have come to the best place for advice and support

I am sure people with experience of this could give you better advice and I am sure they will be along soon to help.

[Saffie]

Fistly, welcome to TP. Your question is a difficult one to address because it is such a personal thing. Everybody will have a different take on it because dementia sufferers vary so much in how they respond to situations and we can only draw on our own experiences. Thinking of my own husband i would say that the journey itself might be tiring but that once there, as long as your father is by her side to act as a reassuring presence, things might go well. You will only really know in hindsight. I hope it does go well if your father takes her.
It would probably do your father good to have a break too.

[Ksgzwest]

Fistly, welcome to TP. Your question is a difficult one to address because it is such a personal thing. Everybody will have a different take on it because dementia sufferers vary so much in how they respond to situations and we can only draw on our own experiences. Thinking of my own husband i would say that the journey itself might be tiring but that once there, as long as your father is by her side to act as a reassuring presence, things might go well. You will only really know in hindsight. I hope it does go well if your father takes her.
It would probably do your father good to have a break too.

Thanks for replying
I know he is trying to do what he thinks best but there has been times when she wonders why he is in the house she refers to him as that man at times and dosnt sometimes know she is married to him!

[Onlyme]

Hello and welcome.

Even if she sees what family members are still around she won't know them as she will want them to be 9 not adults.

Is he going as he feels he has to while there is a bit of her that might appreciate it? It does sound as if he has left it a bit late though.

[Ksgzwest]

Hello and welcome.

Even if she sees what family members are still around she won't know them as she will want them to be 9 not adults.

Is he going as he feels he has to while there is a bit of her that might appreciate it? It does sound as if he has left it a bit late though.

Hi. A few relatives have been down to see her recently and she seemed to improve a bit although about a month ago one of her brothers came down and after a while she mostly sat in a chair and stared at the floor! But she has declined even more since then. Conversation is limited with her as nothing she says makes any sense and frustrates her more! She has also managed to get out the house a couple of times and luckly was found fairly soon standing in the rain but he didnt even know she got out. I know he is finding it hard he has 2 days a week when she is at a care home and I get over when I can but I think he just needs some company and is taking her where he can probably talk to more people