Advice please

[Ksgzwest]

Hi
My mum was diagnosed with vascular dementia about a year ago. Because of the severity of it the doctors do not treat it apart from anti depressants. The past year she has continued to decline and now mainly sits in a chair and stares at the floor. On the odd occasion she speaks nothing really makes any sense and she gets frustrated.

The reason I'm after advice is that my step dad is arranging to take her to Scotland where she was born to see family but I've heard that suffers should ideally stay in their own surroundings is this true or will it do her good!
Over the past month or so she has managed to get out of her house whilst being looked after by my step dad but came to no harm as she was found by my nephew but I worry she could get distressed on route as its a 6 / 7 hour journey and when her sisters call her she seems to think that certain other sisters are still at school but they are in sixtys!

Some advice please

[ggma]

welcome to TP.

Only those of you who know your Mum can make this decision, however my Mum enjoys going out, and has always settles back into the care home.

If your step dad is keen to make the visit, it is probably worth a try, it may work, or it may not, but seeing the people in person does make a difference.

One of the effects of dementia is the paralell time frames that someone lives in, they seem to be able to function at a certain level in the present, whilst their memory is from long ago. I find it is best to just 'go with it' rather than cause distress by trying to bring Mum back to the present in every aspect.

[Teeny]

Hi Ksgzwest my mam also has vascular dementia and her and dad used to go away several times a year, it got harder each one she would panic if she needed toilet as she didnt know the way (service station ones were hard as dad used to have to wait outside) couldnt find her way to hotel room etc, the final trip she done we took her to scotland it took 8hrs to get there and she wouldnt stay she got so distressed i drove her straight back (longest journey ever) now she dont like leaving the house and dad does all shopping etc and we take her for short car trips or to my house (she wont stay here long) i guess my advice would be dont do it as she could get very distressed and upset which could be avoided. Sorry for long answer just thought it may help.
Love Teeny

[Pacucho]

Hi

As a former carer I learnt to go with the flow and not be afraid to try certain things. If they do not work out then at least you tried. I would advise you discuss this with your step Dad in a supporting way, and explain to him if it did not work out he may have to turn around on the way there or return earlier than expected. Assuming he understands this then I see no reason why he should not try and go.

Recently I know a carer who took his mum on holiday to Canada to see her sisters. As you would expect there were both good and bad days, but overall his mum had an OK time.

Hope this helps

Paco

[tre]

Teeny,
as regards toilets at service stations you can get a RADAR key and then mum can use the disabled toilet which for us cetainly has made this easier.
Tre