Im the parents now!

[lucky]

I haven't really got a question it's more of just getting my thoughts off my chest.
I haven't been on here for a while as mum appeared to be pretty stable and things were ok. Mum is 62 now diagnosed at 59. However over the past few weeks I have noticed that Im a parent to her now. Mum seems to be losing her self care skills. Ive had to wash her hair as she doesn't remember to do it. I've been making her meals as she doesn't remember to eat. It's just so sad that I'm looking after her now, it shouldn't be like this. I've had to remind her to change her clothes as she seems to be wearing the something's all the time. My dad is struggling as he's had to start doing bits of work to help with the finances while managing everything.
Also my mum doesn't even question why I'm helping her so much and that's how I know she has deteriorated.

Mum sleeps a lot has anyone else found this?

[Butter]

oh yes - all of this - and more - you should talk to our son, who is just 22, who my husband will call dad and he will sob and our son will comfort him. And he will clean for him. And he will help him find things to do that he can still do - he used to love to cook. So now my son will say can we have a salad? And my husband can spend 5 hours making a simple salad - and we will all enjoy it.
I had the same as a child - I remember doing the family laundry by hand - when I was 8.

[Tooshie]

oh yes - all of this - and more - you should talk to our son, who is just 22, who my husband will call dad and he will sob and our son will comfort him. And he will clean for him. And he will help him find things to do that he can still do - he used to love to cook. So now my son will say can we have a salad? And my husband can spend 5 hours making a simple salad - and we will all enjoy it.
I had the same as a child - I remember doing the family laundry by hand - when I was 8.

Oh Butter, I want to weep. Your poor devoted son. I often feel like my Mother's parent, and looking back I think I have always had more common sense and intelligence than my Mother - yet Motherhood 'empowered' her for she was an underachiever. It is horrible having to do the role reversal drama, especially when the 'child' has always been a spoilt brat but is now 77. God bless your boy x-x-x

[Witzend]

I haven't really got a question it's more of just getting my thoughts off my chest.
I haven't been on here for a while as mum appeared to be pretty stable and things were ok. Mum is 62 now diagnosed at 59. However over the past few weeks I have noticed that Im a parent to her now. Mum seems to be losing her self care skills. Ive had to wash her hair as she doesn't remember to do it. I've been making her meals as she doesn't remember to eat. It's just so sad that I'm looking after her now, it shouldn't be like this. I've had to remind her to change her clothes as she seems to be wearing the something's all the time. My dad is struggling as he's had to start doing bits of work to help with the finances while managing everything.
Also my mum doesn't even question why I'm helping her so much and that's how I know she has deteriorated.

Mum sleeps a lot has anyone else found this?

This is so sad for you, especially since your mum is still so relatively young. She is very lucky to have you to care for her like this.
I notice that over the years I have started to talk to my mother as I would to a 2 year old - come on, let's go to the loo, come on, let's wash your hands - my tone is probably the same as I used to my kids when potty-training them - and I lead her by the hand like a little child. But then she is 94 now, with pretty bad AD.

As for sleeping a lot, this may be worrying for you but to be honest it is probably easier to cope with than other common behaviours like restless pacing, endless wanting to go 'home' (to a home they haven't lived in for 50 years) endless asking of the same question, wandering half the night, etc. And if your mum is sleeping then at least she's not anxious/confused/frightened, like so many dementia sufferers are much of the time.
Though it's not much help to say this, I know.
All the best - it's such a sad time for you.

[Madhouse]

I'd become a 'mother' to my mum and when I felt really guilty when she eventually went into a home my daughter pointed out that I shouldnt feel guilty - I had gone back to being the daughter that I should be and how true that is. Now someone else looks after mums needs and I go back to having more of a 'quality' time with her.

[Theboxer]

It's so hard isn't it when the roles reverse? My lovely Mum and Dad would babysit my two wonderful children but in their last years, Dad died two years ago with Alzheimer's and Mum last month with Lewy body dementia, my children would babysit them to give us time out. Sadly in the last few months my Mum would often call me Mum, it was like looking after a child and I really mourned the loss of my "Mum" even before she died.

[Teeny]

Hi Lucky I have also become the parent i now bath and dress my mam im doing more and more each week she doesnt clean the house or wash up dad does all the shopping cooking etc, he is her main carer and at 76 he has gone from a husband who had a wife to do everything for him to a carer who has learned to do all wat she done. Mam gets up all hours of night gets dressed then undressed and back into bed, my dad is also struggling hes so tired all the time. My mam cries a lot at the moment saying she feels useless and cant do wat other people do it breaks my heart to see this lady who was very active and loved looking after her grandchildren to a lady who is less than 5st shuffles around the room and cant put a sentance together somedays. Its such a cruel disease, tp has been of great help to me if its only reading messages you know your not alone
Take care

[Tooshie]

Hi Lucky I have also become the parent i now bath and dress my mam im doing more and more each week she doesnt clean the house or wash up dad does all the shopping cooking etc, he is her main carer and at 76 he has gone from a husband who had a wife to do everything for him to a carer who has learned to do all wat she done. Mam gets up all hours of night gets dressed then undressed and back into bed, my dad is also struggling hes so tired all the time. My mam cries a lot at the moment saying she feels useless and cant do wat other people do it breaks my heart to see this lady who was very active and loved looking after her grandchildren to a lady who is less than 5st shuffles around the room and cant put a sentance together somedays. Its such a cruel disease, tp has been of great help to me if its only reading messages you know your not alone
Take care

Hi Teeny,

I salute your Father. A true testiment to the marriage vow "In sickness, and in health", You seem such a close family, and I envy you that (in the nicest possible way).

Love Tooshie x

[Teeny]

Hi Teeny,

I salute your Father. A true testiment to the marriage vow "In sickness, and in health", You seem such a close family, and I envy you that (in the nicest possible way).

Love Tooshie x

Thanks Tooshie I will tell him that tomorrow i can already see his smile
Love Teeny x

[Tooshie]

Thanks Tooshie I will tell him that tomorrow i can already see his smile
Love Teeny x

Do that Teeny! Much love to you all x-x-x