Criticism

[worriedson1]

As People I THINK know here i suffer from Depreession,Ocd,Paranoid Personality Disorder and Generlaised anxiety Disorder.... I also care for my mum who has dementia and suffered a fall recently and she was in hospital for a week(which i have not disclosed to him and dont have to if i dont want to)

It's ironic as the Former schoolmate guy used sit up my local town centre yeas ago and beg for change and was on drugs and credit to him he got off it,turned his life around and now lives in england with a wfe and has a kid.

What'a people's thoughts on this??

I want to show you something from my Facebook someone who i was call "Former Schoolmate"

Former Schoolmate-

"Thats the thing only you do, if you spent half the time you do on here setting the world to rights filling out job application forms you would have a job instead i pay taxes so you can sit on the internet all day or sit in witherspoons. Hoz that for an opinion?"

Me- "Fine, say what you want, i do:P"

Former Schoolmate-

"Believe what? Its true, you dont work and take money from the dole every two weeks. Where do you think that money comes from? I pay it through my taxes. When was the last time you applied for a job?"

Me- "You have zero understanding and knowledge of my personal circumstances at home and that's NOT including my mental health issues which i deal with every day and rececive ESA for."

Former Schoolmate-

"I dont need to understand, mental health issues dont stop you from working i work with people every day with mental health issues and know lots of people who work with those issues and still contribrute to society, even through volunteer work. The amount of time you spend in the pub, drinking my tax money, how does that effect your mental health?"

Me- "I dont need to understand" that a purely ignorant comment peter,very closed minded,mental health is relative to the individual, This may be a novel concept to yout but people with mental health issues ARE entitled to have as many pints in the pub as they want whether it 1 or 10 a day(can be quite relaxing actually,speaking from personal experince), you have zero idea how long i actually DONT spend IN the pub these days not that i have to explain to you, i'm free man,i'm free you seem locked in a prison,i'm free man http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HOt2fNDl7iE

Former Schoolmate-

"Yes Stuart your free to hang about Falkirk and go to Witherspoons. Great freedom, you can keep it mate I would rather be traveling the world and bringing up my son to respect life and living it. I dont pretend to know you issues regarding metal health but it is clear from what you post on here that you clearly have plenty of issues and as far as not working, well that clearly is a life choice for you. Just from your ability to converse so much on here there is clearly jobs out there you could be doing even if that was a couple of hours voluntary work here and there to pay something back to the society that provides you with the money to live and buy those pints which relax you so much. But rather than spend a couple of hours giving back you would spend a couple of hours in the pub. I know people who have clearly got mental or physical health problems which prevent them from ever working and I am more than happy to pay taxes to support these people but not for people to sit in a pub or on a social network site all day. You talk political on here all the time its a SOCIAL site, here is one definition - seeking or enjoying the companionship of others; friendly; sociable; gregarious."

[chucky]

Clearly he has issues about what youve posted on facebook as your post suggests there was communication prior to his reply. If hes not a good friend i wouldnt worry about it. It is the people who do matter to you you should be worrying about. I believe if a person can live with their own personal lifestyles and not in any way harming anyone to do so, someone else's opinion doesnt matter a jot. I wouldnt get in to a slanging match on- line which only adds fuel to the flames. If hes not a friend let it go.

[kassy]

I'd delete him from your Facebook.

[meme]

His attitude to people not working and on benefits is clear, it is ignorent and smug...however, that is not the issue, he has rattled your cage with some home truths and again it is up to you whether you would like to change some stuff or not.

[jenniferpa]

I'm with Kassy - delete him. There is no percentage in arguing with him as neither of you will change the others mind.

[Petrina]

Where to start? A few random thoughts...

Does he know you're a carer? You don't have to tell him and you don't have to tell him how much caring you're doing. But no one outside the family knows how much caring you do, only you know and those you choose to tell, so no one has any right to make assumptions about it.

I can appreciate that someone paying taxes may not be enamoured of it if you use your ESA to pay for ten pints of beer, which I think the person on average wages would struggle to pay for, but he doesn't know what else you spend your money on. For all he knows, you may scrimp and save for ages for that.

I think when people get really ratty about benefits it helps to direct them towards their MP and suggest that they tell their MP precisely what changes they think should be made to legislation, reminding them that their MP won't be interested in vague comments.

Sometimes when it comes to benefits it can help to point out that the system is very odd and you can end up with all or nothing and not much in between and that there's no way of claiming some of your benefit. If you get ESA, you get the relevant element, WRAG or SG once you get past the 13 week point. If you get DLA, you get whatever rate they award you and you can't choose.

People can judge but they don't see what's happening inside your head. They see the side of you you project. I post here, but how much do you know about me? Is anything I say true? What if I'm not a middle aged woman but a male teenager? What if I'm not disabled but a very fit person? You don't know. We take one another on trust. Mostly, it pays off. But we talk now - do you know how many hours a week I care for Dad for? Do you know how many times this week he's called me in the middle of the night? Does this friend know what you're doing? Really? The whole picture?

Are you telling him when you're too frightened to go out, when you can't get past the front door anyway because you have to turn the key in the lock exactly 24 times and you keep losing count, when you're chatting online to keep away the mental pain and the urge to end it all? I bet you're not. (Forgive the stereotypical examples of paranoia, obsessive compulsion and depression - I'm just trying to illustrate with examples.)

I think most people care what other people think of them but try to focus on keeping the respect and/or liking of those whom you respect and/or like.

And steady on the booze if your mood is low - a drop can cheer you up, quantities or frequent drinking can act as a depressant. Sometimes in limit that can be good if you're anxious, but it can be a killer if you're depressed. (Literally.) (My vice is chocolate which isn't helping my health, so I'm not being judgemental about 'bad habits', just giving you a nudge to check on your levels because ten drinks would leave most people feeling worse off afterwards.)

I'd offer you a hug but there doesn't appear to be a hug emoticon.

[lin1]

Hello Worriedson
I have deleted a person on my friends list on facebook for much less

Being on benifits I doubt very much if you can afford to have more than a couple or three pints a week
Whether or not you are able to work with all the problems you have, well only you really know that, a lot of people dont realise just how debilitating mental health issues can be,it seems like he is one of them

you also look after your mum, if he knew that then shame on him, as a carer you are fully entitled to some free time

[LadyA]

I point out to people that Carers are the only people on benefits who actually are working for every penny! The Carer's Association over here worked it out a few years ago what Carer's Allowance works out at per hour for the work Carer's do - I think it came out at something like 9c per hour! I don't think you'd find many self-righteous tax-payers willing to swap jobs and rates of pay!

[jan.s]

Dear Worried Son

I must confess, I didn't appreciate that you suffer so much with your mental health. Life must be very tough for you, especially having to look after your Mum with dementia. I am so sorry to hear that she had a fall, and was in hospital; I hope she is now fully recovered.

Life must be very hard for you with all of those conditions to contend with - I hope you have a sympathetic GP who understands your ordeal. Do you take medication for all of these?

Even with all of these conditions and your mum, you still look out for your friend in the prison in the USA. She is very lucky to have you.

You are an amazing person to cope with so much. Well done. I hope you will manage to get your break with Michelle in Paris, as you must deserve it.

As for claiming benefit, with all the other issues you have, nobody has a right to criticise until they fully understand what you are going through.

Jan