I just totally give what a nightmare !

[Dazmum]

Night Blandford, hope you have a good sleep xxx

[NeverGiveUp]

If brother is listed as carer, I do hope that he doesn't claim Carer's Allowance with those sort of earnings. If you aren't working then it might have been practical for you to claim the CA.

You are in a rotten situation, my sympathies. When I read about dad paying for the petrol, a thought went through my mind, by opaying for it that might make him feel as though he is contributing something useful.

[blandford516]

Just a quck update things between my brother and me are alot better .My husband and I are stilling hanging on just about to our marriage. We are off out tonite for a curry and a pint ! first time in 4months . Looking forward to it and we are talking .

We have just found out that my half sister has done an LPA for my mother without even consulting us or even naming us etc She has total control over what happens to mother welfare property the lot !!! Unfortunately my mother was willing !My half sister is definately the last person to trust as in the past she has acted not in mothers best interests and has done a few dodgy things with my dad bank account which I will leave at that . My dad has been left with nothing and no time to do anything about it . He is broken and my brother and myself are totally upset that our mother and sister never had the decency to disguss anything with us . Feel like a piece of mud on my mothers shoe and that is putting it politely !
Also my darling sister keeps texting me enquiring if there is any indication that das brain tumour is growing again !!! im in total shock that another human being/relative would be cruel heartless and morally disgusting . Where the hell do we go from here . We wanted all 3 of us LPA instead of leaving to one irresponsble person for maintain some form of control as to mothers care. !! totally gobsmacked is all I can say .

[NeverGiveUp]

Go to citizens Advice Bureau or similar, you may be able to challenge the LPA, not sure about this though

[blandford516]

Hi ,
Im feeling strong we cannot simply object to mothers choice of LPA it would make it worse for mother at the end of the day .Although we have evidence to suggest that the Attorney named has not acted in the best interests, She would be left with no PA . I am waiting for a return of the register of legal Gar what ever they are called , to wait and see who my sister has named . It could be the milkman !However things have turned for the better and I will try my upmost to protect my mother .
Thanks for all your support but feel in fighting mode im strong again .

[greengirl]

Hi, sounds like a lot has fallen on you. If you have had no luck with your AA applications it sounds as if your dad may now qualify for Attendance Allowance under the 'special rules' for those with a terminal illness. This is at the high rate and comes through very fast. His Dr or the Marie Curie nurse can initiate this. Whether that would mean some of that came to you for petrol or for caring responsibilities comes down to who is managing his bank account/money.
gg

[moo moo]

Bland ........ 1st i would like to say
i think your amazin
how fantastic off you to take 6 moths off work to help out
i think the rest off your family should get there heads together and take advantage off another set off hands

you must be heartbroke and making up the years with your dad must be so overwhelming

i know myself dealing with just the dementia is hard enough but when you have other major things goin on to its another thing

i do understand your frustrations with your family
thank god i was gifted with special friends i just hope you are to
hang in there

[blandford516]

Hi All ,

Spent another lovely day with my dad so grateful I have got to know him after all these years he is amazing in my eyes .We are doing up a wicker chair at the moment and we have had some special moments which i will treasure . He loves Take That and Adele we laugh and sing together wounderful but heartbreaking as well . Anyway my mother I cannot believe how much she has deteriated in the past few months . She has lost loads of weight and get the feeling soon she wont even recognise me ! Still we are waiting to for a placement in Carehome , my mother hasnt been a nice person to all of her 5 children but strangely enough I feel i care about this woman .She stroked my face and smiles ! im 50 years old my mother has never done that . She is obviously in the later stages of dementia and when my dad goes in hopefully a few months but prob a few weeks she will crease. What a sad time . Taking dad to hospital tomorrow not going to be good . I have to be strong for my brother mother and dad but when it is all over I will crumble to for a short while and carry on as we all do. Thanks for listerning xx

[blandford516]

Hi Greengirl,

Unfortunatley I have had to take fuel money of my dad , no other choice really . Still think it is wrong but hay hoe that is the least of my problems. Submitted AA form 2weeks ago on Special Rules so hopefully dad will get it soon . Hope there arent any problems with this as I havent got time to do forms and make phone calls . Had enough of phone calls ,forms just want to spend time with my dad and do the best for my mother and protect her from certain people . x

[Dazmum]

Wishing you all the best for the appointment tomorrow Blandford, hope there is someone there for you too, it must be so hard for you. I'm glad you are making some nice memories with your dad xxxx

[blandford516]

Hi ,

Im dont think there is anyone there for me !my daughter who is brillient , but thats ok I havent had that all my life so no change there . When this is all over I think I will need sometime for myself to reflect and change certain aspects of my life I dont like . My husband well what can I say no help what so ever . I come home every night feeling totally drained and all he moans about is how tried he is . He causes me more stress on top of stress, constantly shouting at me !!! Unfortunatley his parents are elderly also so who knows . I wont be around to surport him . Dreading tomorrow and getting really stressed ,hope I sleep tonight . x

[blandford516]

Hi Guys,

Last 3 days have been manic soliciters hospital etc ,but got threw it ok . My dad well he was dreading the hospital but hay no one can help him but it was ok we came out laughing even had the Doctor laughing ahat can I say it helps .

Mother is getting worse by the day . She is talking about my step-father who died 12 years ago and he is in the next room apparantly ! I laughed and asked her how many husbands has she got ! She looks a lost little sole feel so sorry for her .She doesnt want to go in a home but wants live in care but im unsure of this . I think a home would be better for company but what do I know ! Anyway me and hubby are ok for another week and sleeping and eating better .So not a bad couple of days x

[Dazmum]

Hi Blandford, well, we will all be here for you then. I'm pleased that you managed to have a laugh, I used to be like that with my dad too. This caring for elderly parents can certainly put a strain on other relationships, because a lot of the time your other half won't be as attached to your parents as you are, the bond isn't there and they can feel hard done by and a bit negelected, but you just can't be all things to all people all the time, can you? It's a very fine line and can be so stressful, the last thing you want is someone else grumbling at you, can make you feel resentful too! If you want to (?) you maybe need to make some time for you and your husband, maybe to watch a movie, or have a take away and have a chat and not mention either your mum or dad for the evening? Only a little thing, but may help a bit? Take care xxx