I am just so sad

[AdAstra]

Hi Rachael,

I can relate so much to what you're going through. I hardly ever write on here, but your story just sounds so similar to mine that I just thought you might like to hear from someone who is going through the same thing. And please please don't feel bad about your sadness and even the anger, it's understandable to feel all that. I'm 23 and my mum was diagnosed 2 years ago at the age of 58. I found it so difficult going through my final year at uni, trying to concentrate on work when there was so much else going on. There was definitely more than once when I did just curl up and cry! Plus as part of my degree I had to give presentations on Alzheimer's disease, and could barely do the research without becoming an emotional wreck! But I spoke to my tutors and everyone was so helpful and understanding, maybe you could do the same thing? You might be able to postpone your exams or maybe get extra time to complete them or something. Im doing a PhD at the moment (I decided to go into Alzheimer's research, ironically I now find it helps me to cope, knowing more about what my mum is going through) so I know how much stress you are under, never mind with the added stress of coping at home.
I too feel a little alone, my friend's are amazing and always ask how things are going, but they can never really understand how things are. And it's so hard for people to say anything that helps, as they can never really tell you everything will all work out in the end, so I feel bad burdening them with all my woes! If you ever need to talk to anyone, feel free to get in contact. And please don't feel guilty about how you are feeling!
All the very best with your exams, and with everything else.

Take care,
Aisling

[AmyGS]

Racheal,

I am so moved to read your message ..... and those of other people in similar situations.

My family is similar to yours - mum was diagnosed with FTD a couple of years age, she's 57, and while I am 30 my brother is your age and I worry that it's unfair on him to be gradually loosing his mum so early. I have a sister too and my mum and dad live together - I don't know where we would be without family support and good friends around!

I totally understand what you say about friends being sympathetic but not really understanding - why should they? It's such a complicated illness and up until a couple of years ago id never heard of FTD.

Anyway drop me a line if you want - I'm sure we'll be dealing with many similar situations.

Take care

[cornish]

Im Ryan 28 from Cornwall, my Dad of 53 got diagnosed with FTD last Augest, he has got worse quick, but I am finding it easier to deal with now, Its just me and my Mum really as my Brother is no use and lives his own life and chose to ignore his responsibilaties. I find it easier If I keep busy, I do loads of Cycling with my local club so always busy. Its become a way of life now and I have accepted whats happening. Although today being fathers day was difficult as normal presents I would have got him before would not be any good this time as he has no interest in anything. Anyway chin up Tiger, live your life to that full as well as take care of your mum

[rjm]

Hi Rachael,
I'm sorry to hear of your mum's diagnosis. As others have said, you have nothing to feel bad about for the way you are feeling. your reaction is perfectly normal and understandable. It is a horrible and most unfair situation for both of you and the rest of your family. When my wife was diagnosed our four girls were all in their 20's, three of them still in school, it was hard on everyone. While your friends are never likely to fully understand what you are going through they can be a big help by providing you with the "normal" life that a twenty year old student should have and keeping you from becoming completely immersed your other problems. Always remember how proud your mum would be of your accomplishments at university and work hard to meet those goals. Good luck on the exams!

[Rachael_11]

I honestly cannot thank you all enough for your love and kind words. I am so sorry I have no written sooner but while it is so lovely to have such kind support it also makes me sad that it is needed. If that makes sense. But please know when things were so tough during exams I read and re read your responses and they made all the difference. I got through my exams! Am very proud f myself for doing so and you were all right that that is of course what my mum would want too. Thank you again I really appreciate you all taking the time to share your thoughts and I will definitely be back. I can only hope that I am able to return the favour for others. Xxx

[rjm]

Congratulations on getting through your exams!