I went to the doctor today for a blood pressure check - which was fine, thank goodness. I am on 2 tabletsf for it.Anyway, she asked me how i was coping without Bryan. She was so good to me while he was still here and looks after the residents in the Home where he was. I told her it seems to be getting worse instead of better, especially in the evenings and night times. I just miss the company and the carers coming in etc. Strange as it might seem. I told her i still blame myself for not being there holding bryans hand when he passed away, but as she said i was not to know the end was so close. He was a very poorly man, and could only get worse.
As the doctor said - i will never get used to it, but will in time learn to cope and handle things better. I just have to give myself time. I said i talk to him all the time and she said that is fine! Did not think i was mad.
Oh how i wish we could turn the clock back a few years!
Love and hugs Muriel x