Went to Doctor

[muriel.elliott]

Hi all
I went to the doctor today for a blood pressure check - which was fine, thank goodness. I am on 2 tabletsf for it.Anyway, she asked me how i was coping without Bryan. She was so good to me while he was still here and looks after the residents in the Home where he was. I told her it seems to be getting worse instead of better, especially in the evenings and night times. I just miss the company and the carers coming in etc. Strange as it might seem. I told her i still blame myself for not being there holding bryans hand when he passed away, but as she said i was not to know the end was so close. He was a very poorly man, and could only get worse.
As the doctor said - i will never get used to it, but will in time learn to cope and handle things better. I just have to give myself time. I said i talk to him all the time and she said that is fine! Did not think i was mad.
Oh how i wish we could turn the clock back a few years!
Love and hugs Muriel x

[piedwarbler]

I posted a similar thought yesterday Muriel on my thread - about turning back the clock. Have you seen the film AI? It is unbearably moving - and covers that theme. Don't watch it if you haven't.
Of course things will feel like they are getting worse sometimes. I believe that's normal. A girl at work who lost her dad recently explained it as the longer it had been since she had seen her dad, the more she misses him. That makes so much sense doesn't it?
I am sending you a warm hug and love. Do you think you will sleep tonight?? Xxxx

[muriel.elliott]

Hi Piedwarbler,
Yes that is so true. I do miss Bryan more as time goes on. As i have said before ours was not a marriage made in heaven, but it did last over 50 years.
I have not seen that film, so will not now.! I do not know if i will sleep tonight, I used to dream about Bryan every night. Got to the stage when i said to his photo - see you in my dreams , but i rarely do now. Do not know why. Think i will have another glass of wine then i might eh!
Thanks for the hugs, Muriel xx

[Pheath]

Muriel
Even though I’ve never been through a major bereavement (as yet), I can imagine how the longing and yearning for someone might grow stronger rather than diminish over time. Even though it’s a cliché, do believe that in many ways absence makes the heart grow fonder. The enormity of losing a loved one who has been such an integral part of your life for so long takes such a very long time to work through, think it can often take some years to truly come to terms with. It’s lovely you can still talk to Bryan, though, and feel a connection this way, even though he may not be physically present he lives within you and is a part of who you are forever. Px

[piedwarbler]

I hope you did manage to get some sleep. Xx

[Izzy]

Good morning Muriel. I'm glad you have such an understanding doctor. It must be so hard. Take care. X

[Contrary Mary]

I just miss the company and the carers coming in etc.

Snap!

I'm pleased that you seem to have a very understanding doctor. She sounds vey approachable.

Wish I could do more than send a ((((HUG))))

Mary
x

[winda]

I think you're doing really well Muriel. I think it does take a long time to be able to come to terms with a loss.

After the loss of my parents it took several years and I found that I missed them more and more ( it has now been 5 & 10 years). The loss of a spouse / partner must be much harder.

I'm glad that your doctor hasn't suggested medication and has acknowledged that you need to go through the natural processes.

Sending you my love xx

[muriel.elliott]

Hi all,
As usual thanks for the love and support. I did manage to sleep eventually, but as usual woke up several times, had a sip of water, said to \bryan !too early to get up! and went back to sleep. I had a friend here with me today, so that was great. Tomorrow i am seeing my sister and i think i will be stressed out after that!.
I do not think my doctor would suggest pills for me as she knows i hate taking tablets. I would much rather work my way thru it in my way. Many years ago when Bryan first had his stroke etc. Our old doctor said to me - i know it is not good giving you pills because you would not take them. Just do what you have to do and spend as much time as you can for yourself. So true.!
Love and hugs Muriel xx