Mum has Dementia!

[lorraine_h]

My mum who is 71 has had a heart problem for the past 3 years and has been in and out of hospital!
She spent a month in hospital last August and the months after she was allowed home I knew something was wrong as she use to ask the same questions over and over and she doesn't bath or clean the house etc anymore. I took her to the doctor 2 months ago who referred her for a scan and we got the results on Thursday- they said it either Alzemiers/ vascular dementia or both! I'm 32 and still living at home to take care of her- my dad still works full time. I have 2 brothers and a sister who all have kids and haven't really helped out much before. I have been with my partner for 5 years and was hoping to move in with him this year and still want to but would feel bad about leaving my mum now. When I found out I just cried and cried and I now very depressed and scared of things to come.

I sound selfish thinking of myself

[Aliblahblah]

Hi Lorraine - I am new to all this dementia business too with my Father.
I would say you have to be able to live your own life too otherwise you will get angry and resentful towards your Mother - which in the long run won't help her. But just maybe don't move too far away.

As I say though I am new to all of this myself.
Good luck!!!

[lorraine_h]

I will only be half an hour train ride away and would help out as much I can. Thanks for your reply and all the best x

[Delphie]

You're not being selfish. Your life is important too, and wanting to live with your partner isn't something you should feel guilty about. Do it.

[ggma]

Hello and welcome

Getting confirmation of a diagnosis is a devasting time, and no wonder you are upset. Try not to let the dementia change your life through, as said above you will end up resenting your mum. Dementia does change things, but it is also important to let your mum go on doing as much as she can for as long as she can, and then find the right support for her and your Dad so they can manage to stay together for as long as possible.

As a family we had to come to terms with Mum's dementia, some of us were working and had families, others had less commitments, but we agreed that it was important that everyone did what they felt happy and able to do, and that we would accept outside help for the things we could not do.

It is important that you carry on with your plans, and provide whatever support you are able to. Everyone is different and there is no way you can tell in advance how the illness with affect your Mum in the future, or when things will change.

Do keep posting and I hope you feel better soon.

[lorraine_h]

I feel very a lone and depressed right now. Feel as if I'm going to crack up

[jeany123]

Oh Lorraine I wish I could help you ,I am thinking of you and hope things get better,


Hugs and Love Jeany x

[lorraine_h]

Thank you x

[Butter]

It is tough, isn't it. But I agree with what everyone has said. You will be much more able to help your mum if you look after yourself. So move away and make your own home and you will find that will not stop you caring.

[lorraine_h]

I stayed because I always thought she would get better and then I could leave but now I know she will only get worse. I will have get carers to go in a couple of times a day and I will help out when I can. She had a social worker assessment before but keeps saying she is fine and doesn't need help. She hasn't washed her hair or bathed in months and has decided to take up smoking after quitting 30 years ago .

You are all right I need to get on with my own life- thanks for the support xx

[lorraine_h]

My mum hardly eats and sits round smoking roll ups all day- I just had a word with her about smoking to much and she said I've only had one so far today which is not true more like 10! She gave up smoking 30 years ago and made my dad quit 3 years ago.
Not sure how to deal with the situation x