Parent with dementia - care in the home

[London SE24]

Following a recent fall and a spell recuperating in hospital my father, who has dementia of the Alzheimer's type, has returned home and we've arranged some temporary live in care for 2 weeks. He is used to 4 carers per day popping in and out preparing meals etc. My father is resisting this higher level of care and asking me to pick the carer up from his home and leave him on his own (which is no longer feasible). Any tips or advice from other families who have been in this situation and how they persuaded their relative to accept this care?

[Butter]

Welcome to TP. I'm sorry you find yourself here.

I have dealt with everything of this sort - so far - by saying the arrangement is for MY sake. To stop me worrying. For my peace of mind. Maybe your father could tolerate the care if he felt he was pandering to your neurosis?

[London SE24]

Welcome to TP. I'm sorry you find yourself here.

I have dealt with everything of this sort - so far - by saying the arrangement is for MY sake. To stop me worrying. For my peace of mind. Maybe your father could tolerate the care if he felt he was pandering to your neurosis?

Thank you - I do present that argument but he's still in the space where he thinks there is nothing wrong with him. We have so far positioned it as a stipulation from the medical profession as without this support he would not have been discharged, and he was very keen to be back home. Thanks for your thoughts.

[Butter]

Hm. 'The Doctors say' .......... can carry you a long way. The 'for my sake' only works on my husband. With my father I say if you don't take care of yourself you will have care you do not want imposed on you. Better to chose your care before the care is prescribed. But my father is pretty rational.
I'd guess your father does not want social services on his back - perhaps point out they will be on his back whether anybody (including you) likes it or not if he is not properly cared for.

[GZN]

What I have found is that logic doesn't work, and isn't remembered, but somehow the right care is tolerated, and, more than that, enjoyed if it is put in place regardless. My mother refused to have people coming into her home at all, but immediately loved having the 'visitors' we arranged. I admit we lied about them being paid for, but I also came to value her safety and well-being above my own moral stricture!

[edgriffi]

My approach with Dad is to say that we want him to be safe and happy in his own home and having carers enables that. He is aggressive with some of his carers and there is one he really likes. However he does increasingly accept this is part of his routine. We've had regular care reviews at home and I try and involve him actively although he often can't follow what's happening. I often ask him about what he wants to be able to do (again increasingly limited) and the point out how having the carers helps him do those things.
It is exhausting to keep on with the same broken record but it does seem to help.

[SWMBO1950]

I agree with Butter 'the doctor says' is a brilliant tool which I have used in the past - works wonders

[London SE24]

What I have found is that logic doesn't work, and isn't remembered, but somehow the right care is tolerated, and, more than that, enjoyed if it is put in place regardless. My mother refused to have people coming into her home at all, but immediately loved having the 'visitors' we arranged. I admit we lied about them being paid for, but I also came to value her safety and well-being above my own moral stricture!

Thank you - I found your comments very helpful - particularly about the use of logic versus what the sufferer actually experiences, and if this is positive they are likely to allow it to continue. I'll share your thoughts with my siblings as we're having a tough week and holding this thought might help us.