I'm new...and worried

[ScotiaRover]

Hi
I'm new to the forum and have joined as my dad, who is 78, has just been diagnosed with Vascular Dementia
He's been unwell for some time now having suffered two strokes and a heart attack.

He still lives in his own home and my brother organised carers for him twice a day after dad started having falls and became incontinent.

Ive just read up about this type of dementia and I feel absolutely gutted. My dad already has a lot of the symptoms and I'm so worried.
I have a disabled son to care for and I haven't visited as much as I could have this past year and I feel so guilty.

Thanks for listening

[Grannie G]

I am sorry you are in this position.

It might help to contact the carers` agency and ask to be kept informed.

[chucky]

Hi, my dad has vascular dementia and he's had it for 7 years now, he's also 78. I cared for my dad at home for 3 years and to be honest it was the hardest 3 years of my life, looking back i dont know how i managed for so long. Unfortunately caring wore me down so much i became unwell while dad continued to deteriorate. In the end i decided to put him in to a CH, his incontinence was the tipping point although there were many other things like him wandering in the middle of the night and he became physically aggressive. However, dont despair because not all dementia sufferers portrays these symptoms, there are many more who are compliant and can still lead their lives with some degree of normality. Knowledge is power, so whilst its beneficial to you to understand whats happening and gain as much insight to the illness as you can, its also worrying to read what can and might happen so dont think this is the beginning of the end. Yes, there are trials and tribulations along the way, some big, some small, and in the early days and weeks after diagnosis its normal to feel worried about what will happen. In my dads case i couldnt leave him on his own, i got carers in during the day but i quickly realised it wasnt enough. The minute they left he was off and running and there were many times i had to run all over the place looking for him. Reluctantly i had to make the decision to put him in care to keep him safe. You havent said much about what youre experiencing with your dad so im sure if you give us a bit more of your story there will be someone her that has experienced it or are doing so just now. Meals, hygiene, shopping that kind of thing, being diagnosed with dementia doesnt necessarily mean people should go in to care, there are thousands of people caring for their loved ones at home, theres no rules in this game. What works for one person may be a stumbling block in another. It takes time to absorb the news then decide where you go from here. The main thing is that there are people you can contact re your dads care and theres lots of support for them as well as their relatives. For you yourself, here at TP is a great place to come when youre feeling low or tired, emotional, angry, or just for a chat and advice. Everyone is friendly, no one judges and the support from others is available any time of day or night. There are fact sheets you can download im not sure how to so hopefully someone will come along and show you and they cover a lot of the things we as carers experience, you will find them a source of help too. The early days are tough but with support its a bit less stressful.

[Mutley31]

Hi
I'm new to the forum and have joined as my dad, who is 78, has just been diagnosed with Vascular Dementia
He's been unwell for some time now having suffered two strokes and a heart attack.

He still lives in his own home and my brother organised carers for him twice a day after dad started having falls and became incontinent.

Ive just read up about this type of dementia and I feel absolutely gutted. My dad already has a lot of the symptoms and I'm so worried.
I have a disabled son to care for and I haven't visited as much as I could have this past year and I feel so guilty.

Thanks for listening

I am fairly new to this too. My mum has alzeimers, although she was diagnosed about 2 years ago - aged 67.

I too have a disabled son (he's 13 and autistic) and I cannot visit my parents as much as I would like. I do feel guilty, but after reading other people's situations - some of whom are very similar to mine - I feel much better. I suppose guilt never leaves us when our parents get older - having dementia just makes the guilt worse.

Read and take in everyones answers/advice - it worked for me!!

Good luck for the future.

[ScotiaRover]

Thanks for the replies.

My dad suffers with incontinence and although hasn't wandered off he leaves doors unlocked and has had several falls.
The carers come in morning and evening and wash and dress him and give him food but as soon as they leave he strips off his clothes and goes back to bed, where he stays for most of the day.

He's suffered from depression for years which got worse after my mum died.
After his strokes he was very loud and used to swear a lot and got aggressive, now he seems like a shell of his former self and won't answer back or do anything much

It's just so worrying and it seems he has really gone downhill the last 6 months.